Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 06, 2022

If the bird stays there too long, couple dozen people with cameras with zoom lenses are going to show up to photograph him.

Alfred Hitchcock was a prophet.

that is what you call a real tweet!

So that’s why Snoopy always had Woodstock around—to be his bodyguard!

Try running for political office.

It has control of a weapon of mass destruction: Tweets

BIRDS AREN’T REAL!

https://birdsarentreal.com/pages/the-history

OOPSIES!! I BBQd a descendent of a dinosaur tonight

Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us.

Whadya knows. Me has been eating dinosaur kebabs all along.

Did Hitchcock know that?

They may be small, but in large numbers, they can be pretty scary. Just ask Tippi Hedren.

Find out about cassowaries and the ancestry of birds will become clear. They put little Guard Duck to shame. https://guinnessworldrecords.com/news/2019/4/why-the-cassowary-is-the-worlds-most-dangerous-bird-568931

The odds of you being killed by a bird are very low but are never zero."

Hmm… I tried to click on the “Hire Stephan” link and got a “Page not found” message from WordPress.

Alfred Hitchcock would back them up.

Nope. Second time in a fortnight.

Tyrannosaurus Rex was a theropod. And, yes, current thinking is that birds are descended from theropods. Just… not THAT one.

It’s a bit like saying we’re descended from the woolly rhinoceros just because they’re extinct and we’re both placental mammals. Or that you’re descended from royalty because your 17-times great grandfather was once horsewhipped by William the Conqueror’s master of hounds.

T-rex wasn’t the deadliest and certainly wasn’t the largest. Of course, not sure how we define deadliest. Moreover, modern birds didn’t descend from T-rex though the two shared a common dinosaur ancestor.

The little bird has a Napolean complex!

They definitely have a chance. I mean, as a kid there was nothing scarier than a swan running towards you.

This is exactly why you shouldn’t believe every tweet!

There are a lot of people who boast about the accomplishments of their ancestors…

Alfred Hitchcock covered this well.

Perhaps a new killer bird flu mutation spreading to humans

There actually exists a conspiracy theory these days that says that birds aren’t real.

Actually you really don’t want to mess with a falcon or eagle.

Wait … I thought that birds weren’t real? (I had to ask the internet about that, the first time I saw a shirt saying “Birds aren’t real”. Apparently, it is a conspiracy theory joke. It is nice, under my rock.)

Bird with the most T Rex DNA is the chicken.

Hitchcock did a good job making birds scary.

That’s why nature evolved the 12 gauge shotgun. The great equalizer in the Man v Bird war.

Be careful of who you give the bird.

I once got a little too close to a nest with some eggs in it and momma and poppa bird (I think they were some species of crane) weren’t shy about letting me know I should retreat (which I did).

Birds aren’t real. Truly – I saw it on a website. https://birdsarentreal.com/

No one ever proved that T-Rex was a killer. Today’s most impressive jaws of land animals (and beaks of birds) are carrion eaters.

Try watching Hitchcock’s “The Birds” (1963)

Beware the Cobra Chicken, aka the Canada Goose

If you say it and repeat it it becomes real..to delusional…

The Avian Legion needs to use cassowaries as their spokes birds if they wish to inspire terror. Remember who won the Emu Wars.

Guard Duck already has it covered…

In that way, birds aren’t real?

The last real bird was the dodo. But it’s extinct now, or so they say. . . .

https://birdsarentreal.com/

funny how the T Rex got smaller and mammals got larger

I’ll just put this here…

https://www.gocomics.com/overboard/2018/11/06?comments=visible

A well a don’t you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

A well a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word

Missing last panel where Ollie the ostrich kicks the crud out of Pig.

I could see people panicking over this. After all, people panicked so much over a flu virus that they shut everything down and wore masks for two years.

One degree of separation…..Donald Trump to Donald Duck….

Yes , unless the T-Rex is sucker punched by a 60ft gorilla

This should be the start of a story arc featuring Guard Duck.

There’s a troll in here today.

Raptors like eagles and hawks are majestic and awesome to watch but don’t scare me. However, the Dinosaur Bird – the Cassowary – and its cousin the Ostrich definitely scare the bejesus out of me!

Not only are they really big but they can be really nasty-tempered and aggressive. Probably how they survived for millions of years.

Hey, what the duck? Birds are cool!The brain structure of Corvids and Psittacines are essentially the same as humans,Cetaceans, and the Great Apes. Just imagine!They be wicked smart!

And talk about descendants, that sweet little mouser in your house is just down the line from the Saber Tooth Tiger that would play with you then eat you if it were about 125lbs heavier. Good to be here now! Not then.

AH! That would’ve been in the age of the Giant Terror Birds!

Perhaps a picture of an ostrich or an emu would instill greater fear.

I stay away from wild animals. I don’t want to get attacked.

Jurassic Park is overrated

I had a male cardinal at my feeder who had feather mites so his whole head and face were bald. Anyone who thinks birds aren’t related to dinos needs to see that. https://www.birdwatchersdigest.com/bwdsite/solve/faqs/cardinal-baldness-what-happened.php

Maybe be afraid of ostriches and emus.

Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’ did a pretty fair job of that actually.

And I could choke my chicken.

The nekkid genius.

“Birds aren’t real”

Look out, look out, tiny birds on parade, here they come, chirpity chirpity! They’re here, they’re there, tiny birds everywhere!

Seriously, though, those feathered little beasts can do quite a number on your sidewalk and car.

Well, what you can do is to go down to the daycare center next to the dingo dog sanctuary and eat as many of the four-legged creatures you can hold.

Birds aren’t real.

Maybe you need to see a Hitchcock movie.

A fair-sized eagle can pick off a human child. And do NOT provoke a swan.

One of the nastiest predators known to humans that instills fear and panic with each tweet. What is it?

The canary came from the docile branch of the dinosaur evolution. The dangerous branch produced Guard Duck.

funny!

right t-rex evolved into chickens…doesn’t seem to make sense

“Leak” the message to Tucker, he will have the public panicking in no time.

Maybe if you had a helmet and a bazooka.

Maybe if they were Teenage Mutant Kung Fu Chickens.

highly suspect

The D-i-L is very afraid of birds and she’s never seen Hitchcock’s movie. I read the short story the movie was based on. The birds win.

This works much better if you read it and imagine how Elmer Fudd would have sounded saying those words…..

Don’t mess with a cassowary.

Ted Cruz’s nemesis is Big Bird from Sesame Street. BB could have chosen better for a (Re)public(an) enemy though; it’s an embarrassing foe.

You’re among many tweeters who seem to hope to instill mass panic, little birdie.

Alone, you’re not very scary. Flocks could be another matter….

I’m getting tired of the stupidity behind this theory.Whether or not birds came from reptiles is not what I’m arguing. Birds DID NOT COME FROM T-REXES!!!! There is no fossil record, and you can find a crossover, and evolution would not turn the apes predator into a bird. That is not what evolution or survival of the fittest does!Stop being stupid with science people!

…unless it’s funny, Pastis, you get a pass.

Cassowaries, anybody?