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The Milton, West Virginia police received several accounts of stumbling and disoriented raccoons in the past week, and locals worried the raccoons might have rabies. Those suspicions were wrong. The raccoons in question - including one who was identified by police as "Dallas" - had reportedly gotten wasted by eating some fermented crab apples. The police held the raccoons in custody until they sobered up. Said one raccoon, “This isn’t exactly what we were hoping for when they said we were going to dry up in the can.”