Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 25, 2020

“Lotsa”? Poor grammar in a cover letter will hurt your chances.

Good luck interviewing, pig

I’ve heard that you can get arrested for telling someone why you’re interested in their position.

The Rat won’t pay his share of the cost of living; and what he does pay, the old Goat of the House takes away.

We can trade jobs. I’ll sit in the happy box, and Pig can deal with the cretins I work for.

how would Rat write Pig’s cover letter?

Honesty is good. But asking for a job is sales, and the way to do sales is to explain why what you’re selling (yourself) can solve the buyers’ problem.

Well at least pig is being honest.

Short, sweet and to the point. Hire that pig!

Most resumes end up in the “no-action shredder”! It’s worth paying for a Head Hunter! Saves a lot of time & aggrevation!

maybe he could apply for a position as bacon…

Dr HR Guy, If you don’t hire me, I will have to collect unemployment. And that will be your tax dollars paying for it.

Well, it’s honest.

Pig just wants a chance to bring home the bacon.

Where are the crocs and zeeba neighba?

Pig, you’re spot on. The Beatles even sang a number about this particular need…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeWjEYhk7Xo

Best résumé in history has to be the one Leonardo da Vinci sent to Ludovico Sforza, the regent of Milan, in 1482. It’s worth googling.

Pig tis more of who you know in the show if you want to go…. Croc Power !

A very honest cover letter. At this point, what are employers expecting?

Oooh, I thought it was cover as in Cover Your A$$, like “The last company I worked for went bankrupt, but I wasn’t there that day.”

Generally, it is explaining to them what you offer that deserves lotsa money.

People I would interview would occasionally tell me “But I really need a job” and I would reply “So do I and if I hire you, in a month, neither of us will have one”

Pretty much the only reason I’ve worked.

Recruiters and HR folks alike ignore cover letters. Complete waste of time.

My cover letter: “SEE INSIDE”. :D

I just watched “The Green Hornet” film. Used to watch the show as a kid. One of the best laughs was Kato trying to make a resume!

Now, if only I had some qualifications …

Applying to a Financial Advisor job. Motto: Your take is one or two percent, the rest is donated.

Pig, you’re gonna need all the help you can get with this letter.

Where is he applying, the U.S. Mint?

I’m sure if he had written “I’m Pig, and I need money” it would have been fine.

… He’s not the brightest tool in the shed.

A resume’ ain’t worth a cent/ in their armor, it won’t make a dent/ the job always goes/ to someone who knows/ someone else – so it needn’t be sent.

At least Pig’s resume has the merit of brevity.

lotsa some stupid grammer