The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for September 04, 2021

“Doc, will I be able to play the piano?”

“Of course!”

Not with your medical hiss-tory

Patient: Doc, after this operation will I be able to play the piano?

Doctor: Yes.

Patient: Great! I always wanted to play the piano.

But will he be able to slither?

He could tap dance if they could get the shoes on.

How do the snakes keep their glasses on their heads?

Sure you’ll be able to walk. Just sign this release form for your medicare benefits.

A successful slither transplant.

Silly snake. Walking’s for lizards.

Insurance will deny his claim and he won’t have a leg to stand on.

Come on baby. Do the locomotion.

Equally puzzling, how was the surgery performed in the first place?

The blood is probably cold so he’ll rest more.

But he’ll be a limbo champion.

Off topic, I was born in the Year of the Snake. I’m a sneaky snake!

That’s one cold blooded doctor.

How do snakes wear labcoats and ties?

“Walk? Don’t be silly. Play the violin? Give it a shot. If you can keep those glasses on, you can probably handle a bow.”

But, your violin playing days are over. Oh yes, the tumor we sliced up has turned into a thousand clones of you.

Will the serpent be unbroken? By and by, Lord, by and by.

What, no Rod of Asclepius in sight?

Snake Ears. Like Snake Eyes, only different.

Is it silly to ask how an armless snake performs surgery?

The standard punch line to that set up would work just as well: “That’s funny. I never could before”

Oh doc, I’m so glad you can assure me that I’ll be able to play the piano after this successful operation! Because I couldn’t before!

Couldn’t hurt to asp.

So…if during the rehab phase a human would use a walker, does the worm use a crawler?

Never gonna play the violin either.