Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 28, 2018

Here is my road sign:

$50 REWARD FOR TURNING RAT INTO ROADKILL

My sign: “There’s a speed trap behind this sign”.

“Stop reading the signs. You should be watching the road.”

Don’t some states have their road signs made by prison inmates?

As seen at a construction site on the DC Beltway- ‘Prepare for Instant Aggravation.’

I have, for many years, passed by houses with signs that say “Drive like your kids lived here.” I want to make bumper stickers that say “Teach your kids to play as if everyone drove like you.”

Don’t forget to Text while driving, or is it don’t forget to drive and text? So confusing.

We could use some of those signs.

I am making signs that say Feed the poor hungry bears.

I’m sure Rat’s signs will be all the rage…

That second panel would be perfect for my morning commute.

The existence of this sign indicates that there are police here, even if you cannot see them at the present moment.

Texting while driving should be a felony.

“SERENITY NOW”

Work zone. Lane closed (left/right). Arrow clearly seen. Traffic moving slowly. Jerk insists on speeding by everyone and expecting to get ahead of everyone.

I’ve seen other drivers ease over and block the path of the “I’m too important to be like the rest of you peons” driver.

“Get off your damn phone and drive”.Or “Everyone who doesn’t drive like me is stupid”.

I used to be sad when I saw the sign, “Slow Children Playing”.

I was happy when I saw that they grew up and got good jobs, “Slow Men Working”.

Near me is a sign that reads, “Cross Traffic Ahead”, and I wonder why?

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

“If you’re sober, *DRIVE LIKE IT!!!”*

I LOVE it!

The Rat Appeasement Act of 2018.

That’s mild compared to what I’d like to do to all the drivers I witness each day looking down at their freakin’ cell phones while they’re blazing blithely along.

I like the bumper stickers that read “If you can read this, then you’re too close!”

How much is it for that sign please?

Haha.

xxx

The international “not” sign goes from upper left to lower right.

I used to work for a county/city government while was in college. Part of my job was organizing, filing, and finding the stencils used to make the various road signs. I also used to practice making new ones, on occasion, just in case.

The red octagon saying “SYRUP” almost made out to the field.

Rat’s “aggressive” sign is too wordy. Edit, edit, edit! “Drive badly and I’ll whack you!”

Bumper sticker I have seen: “I’m not in your hurry!”

There was a sign in front of my house where I grew up that read: “Slow children.” I was so insulated and humidified…simultaneously, and at the same time, even…

My sign would be “Wrong Turn-off”. But “Keep Right” looks right by me.

My sign would be “Wrong Turn-off”. But “Keep Right” looks right by me.

https://jalopnik.com/5885626/this-is-the-worst-school-zone-sign-in-history

In an earlier series of strips, the road signs were sentient: http://pbs3.referata.com/wiki/Road_signs

Penalty for disobeying road signs: PUNCHES!!

Outrun light, you’ll avoid the fire from explosions