Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for August 14, 2022

Another reason to handle your business online.

Innocence is the Irony. We’re all targets.

I keep offering to create new hold music for (insert biggest online music gear supplier here), but they’re stuck in 1989. Maybe it helps keep frivolous clients from calling tech support.

I heard about a guy who is too cheap to pay for a streaming service, so he just surfs the big corporation hold music. He’s having a hard time satisfying his death metal craving, tho.

Wait, someone writes those? I figured they just found them lying in the gutter and washed the pigeon crap off.

ANYTHING has got to be better after listening to decades of FURRY LIZ.

Thirty years ago a lot of businesses used to pipe the local radio station to customers on hold.

I don’t know which is worse—the “elevator music” or the endless verbal plugs for the company that puts you on hold for eternity!!

On another note…ducks…..one thing I do love about this strip is the way the characters age, much more slowly than in real life as you don’t want to have to kill off too many, but at least they do age.

I’ve found that some hold music is pleasant. Then I find it annoying when they keep interrupting with a recorded message about how all their agents are still busy and my call is important important to them and please continue to hold.

You might not think you could learn to hate Haydn- but you can, if you hear it enough.

The IRS hold music is very soothing-it had better be since the average hold time is 90+ minutes if you are lucky.

Maybe it’s time to move on to supermarket music or hardware store jingles. If I hear the Menards song again I’m going to kick a bag of cement.

The threats are only mostly warranted, Jimmy. Pays yer nickel, takes yer chances

I’ve spent a lot of time on hold with Lowes lately. I would like a word with whoever is responsible for their hold music.

Companies have designed their ‘customer service’ phone trees to make it almost impossible to connect with a live representative and to keep one on hold for exorbitant amounts of time. I’m surprised they don’t bombard those on holds with obnoxious ads extolling their products and great service instead of bland hold music.

Ha. Great to see Jimmy again. I see he has developed a pudge around the middle from leading the good life. Except the death threats.

When that option is available…

Even the best music became terrible I you’re forced to hear it for hours. But death treats are an exaggeration.

The music is bad, but the worst part is the guy at the other end whose accent I can’t understand

The kind of hold muzic that is the same six notes repeated indefinitely should be classified as torture and criminalized. I realize it’s cheaper than getting full tracks or a variety of full tracks, but not having any muzic is even cheaper and would not get painful to listen to after a few minutes.

For a while, when my doctor’s office put me on hold, I was playing "Name That Tune "with myself. Sill haven’t looked for the name, but I did realize the music was in “Soylent Green” It played while Edward G. was in the in the euthanasia room,watching nature videos. Just what a patient needs to hear while calling about test results.

I still want to know what happened to his son, Feedback. And is he still married to Jenny?

Death threats?! Are you moonlighting with the FBI?

Pool house on fire!? Just push it into the pool, like we did last time!

I make a call. I provide all my info (name, acct #, birthdate etc.) as requested by the automated prompts. When I reach a live representative? “Can I have your name, acct #, birthdate etc.?”

I’m surprised there isn’t a company that provides hold music tailored to phones.

I understand that phones cut off highs and lows. Would it be difficult to write music without those? Or maybe we’re just not worth it, since we don’t have much choice.

Once Thunderclap Newman is sampled, there will be Something in the Air.

I’ll save my fiery wrath for whoever decided that hold music should be loud enough to drown out a rocket launch at fifty feet.

Where can you hear the worst on hold “music”? The Maine State Ferry Service. We’re # 1 !

All agents are busy with other customers. We will get to you in the order received. You are number ninety-nine on the waitlist. Please stay on the line to avoid losing your place.

My thoughts on being put on hold.

1) The input to the phone line is so loud that the music, even if it is good, is so distorted as to be unbearable. 2) I am annoyed to begin with when I call. Why do they use music that tests the one nerve I have left? 3) I hate those places that come on every 30 seconds to tell me how important my call is. Once every five minutes should be enough. And if my call is that important, why don’t you hire enough staff to take my call?

Paganini wrote a lot of music for violin and guitar, if one must be on hold…

“Please remain on the line, as your business is important to us. Your call will be ignored in the order in which it was received.”

I always feel sorry for the employees who work in a store with the constant music playing during Christmas. There aren’t that many Christmas songs and the stores start playing them in October.

BURN BABY BURN!!!

(From a guy who spends his days on hold with AT&T and other telecom companies.)

https://youtu.be/H_ZCxgp1eBQ

I got some “hold music” right here for you fellow!

1. Weirdly modulated due to multiple relays and cell phone fading

2. Only half-a-bar endlessly repeated

3. Mysteriously cuts out briefly in favor of clicks making you think someone is on the line before returning

Your call if very important to us. Please remain on the line ‘til H3LL Freezes over and thank you for being a customer WeDon’tGiveAFrack Industries.

I cannot afford to live on my teacher retirement, so I am now working part-time in retail. The music is DRIVING ME CRAZY! Between Justin Bieber whining and Katie Perry being covered in daisies, sometimes twice in my 5-hour part time shift, I want to yank the speakers from the ceiling!

That’s because the “Hold” lasts a lot longer than just two bars …

“your call is important to us”

Luckily,my favorite music is Spike Jones and His Musical Morons(“Der Fuehrer’s Face”),which cannot be translated into Muzak