Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for May 13, 2024

That’s good advice if ever I heard any.

issues of living in a zoo ;+)

There are some tigers

tripping alarms on “Geigers”

(the counters, like on capers).

And then there are some tapirs

you see starring in “papers”

(like Zig-Zags, but for vapers).

We hope those paper tigers

Tapir off soon in Niger

so we can smell boutonnieres,

not smoke, infusing our tears.

- Eustace Seeyum, II, from “Omelet Moon Swoon,” in the special smoking leaflets binder (with matching smoking jacket), Africa Sings My Name — Calls Me Little Bamboo ©2024, Boozer, Bamboozler, & Bambu-Broozer Books, wholly owned by parent conglomerate You Gonna Finish That? Inc.

buttonhole in french… very sly, Theresa! Very sly indeed!

I’d actually like to be able to crochet lace

My favorite tapir is named Cyranose. He is especially fond of Moon Pies.

…my sister used to sing this when she jumped rope with her friends…

…looks like the lady in the comic is getting ready to talk to a man about a horse…

…my wife likes walking in on me while I’m trying to ‘feed’ the baby tapirs’…

…‘Lady!’…

…can’t you see I’m…

…oh, I’m sorry…

…she says…

…

…we did see the northern lights…

…there was only this weak pinkish glow where we live in town…

…which technically was the lights…

…I guess…

…

…and with momma in her kerchief…

…and I in my cap…

…settled in to driving where it was darker than that…

…and we parked …

…and we looked….

…with the sky all aglow…

…we each said to each other…

…by perchance did you bring your phone?…

…with a pat and a glance…

…we both out loudly exclaimed …

…Oh, no! I did not…

…oh what a shame!…

…so we drove back to home…

…giving ourselves each one a kick…

…when I opened the car door…

…there was my phone …

..under the dash in the nook in a nick…

…true story…

…we went back and got lame just barely there pics…

… THE END …

Do we need to candle the tapirs to see if they have already eaten?

Tapirs are a living fossil; they’ve been around since the Eocene, having survived waves of extinction of other animals. They are South America’s largest native land mammal, with adults ranging in size from 300-700 pounds.

He better hope they’re not out of Purina® Tapir Chow, or those babies will go after his boutonniere, crocheted or not.

I used to eat Dad’s white carnation bouttonieres when he came home after playing a formal concert. I wasn’t allowed to eat the red ones, they were dyed. Carnations are delicious and make excellent tea. Crocheted carnations can be used as teabags.

If Frankenstein can have a bride, why not Gort?

I hang on tightly to my crotchet while viewing Frog Applause.

Better a crocheted boutonniere

than a crotchety hole, my dear.

But, all things being relative,

(with and/or without additives,

sizing things up to be equal),

your bright, fuzzy, worked-yarn sequel

surely beats a boot in the rear,

or buttoned-down crotch tales, no fear.

- Uncle Rebus, from “Ewe Awl Bee Knit Wits,” in the upcoming dystopian self-help travel weight-loss true-cookbook gallows-humor memoir, You Can’t Eat Shoes in Here, This is The Frantics’ “Boot to the Head” Museum ©2024, Abattoir Fünf Schuhlagerbücher

You had me at hang.

I’ve never seen this graphic on the Netflix® homepage. Therefore I am unfamiliar with it.

One of my sisters was given a vase of 3 flowers made of Legos by 2 of her grandchildren for Mother’s Day … vase & all. Fantastic plastic … Tapir that …!

I got some chicken of the see if tapirs will eat that. Otherwise 9 lives offal blend, which I doubt

Sea , not see, si?

The word crochet always confuses me. I want to pronounce it as crotcheted, but I’m not sure what a crotcheted boutonniere is. It sounds like the act of deflowering your date on Prom night.

So, is that feeding baby tapirs, or feeding tapirs to the baby?

Baby tapirs are easily in the top 3 baby animals. OK, kittens are the leaders, but baby tapirs have the best stripes.

proof anyone can be storyteller ;+)

I can’t give you any lip about your work at present.

Some Some, some de dum dum, some some, sum de dum dum.

Flow’ry fetal fold,

boutonnière position tight.

Brusque petal unfurl.

- gold leaf scrollwork notation on the menu in the full-service Rôtisserie des Dieux Dirigeants at Trillionaire’s Maternity Hospital & Comprehensive Yen Clinique for the Thoroughly Unpleasant and Terminally Self-Important

Just when I was tapiring off from my boutonniere addiction.