Arlo and Janis by Jimmy Johnson for November 11, 2023

I loved the readers digests.

Grandma would buy them and when she was finished reading them she would give them to me .

Also one of my favorite Reader’s Digest features but unlike Arlo I can’t recall any well enough to pass on.

Here is the dirtiest joke I ever read in the Reader’s Digest.

This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she go to the doctor to be examined. She arranges an appointment and goes the following day. The husband, while at work receives a call from the doctor.

Doctor: “Sir, I have to tell you that your wife has acute angina.”

Husband: “Yeah, I know that, but what’s wrong with her?”

My uncle drove a truck in New Guinea during WWII. My Italian family emptied a large can of olive oil, filled it with whisky, soldered it shut and mailed it to him. It stayed in his tent for a few days before he opened the strange gift. Upon realizing what it was, he reported it to his C.O. who gladly split it with him. 8^ )

It looks like Arlo is at a bar?

Makes you want to go eat some in his memory.

THANK-YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN FOR YOUR SERVICE.

It’s funny because bayonets are for eviscerating another human.

Another favorite: The Major was inspecting the troops and stopped in front of one Private and said, “Soldier, why did you join the Army?” The soldier replied, “Sir, when my father put lights on the tractor I knew it was time to leave home.”

Today we honor those who served and have scars that never heal.

In Flanders Fields

BY JOHN MCCRAE

In Flanders fields the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie, In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields.

I’ve never been in the military, but I have great respect and gratitude for all who have.

Thank you to all veterans and those in service for your sacrifice for our nation.

Thanks to all the Veterans for keeping America free and safe.

ah, the Root Beer Mug…have a drink with Snoopy and Bill Mauldin

That’s a great story! I enjoyed it.

I still get Reader’s Digest. The “Dramas in Real Life” are great. Humor in Uniform still exists, but there’s usually only one or two entries. I think people have stopped thinking it was okay to make fun of the foibles of the military, and that’s a shame.

It was over 40 years ago but I remember my years of service quite well.

I loved the Readers Digest and would search out the jokes, like Humor in Uniform, first. Well worth the search.

Another point that I have from today’s strip: Fewer and fewer Americans remember much of anything about this country’s history and those who were part of it.

My parents subscribed to Readers Digest. Perfect bathroom magazine my dad always said. The stories were condensed so you could read them in one ‘sitting’.

He talks as if the Reader’s Digest was out of print.

My mother would fold the top corner down to the spine on every page, then the bottom outside corner to meet the top, making a sort of upside down diamond shape, and then bend it in a circle and glue the front cover to the back. Then spray the fanned out pages with artificial snow to make a paper Christmas tree.

I thought this might be about bits of flesh stuck to the bayonet and giving people the wrong idea.

“less than 1 percent of the 16.1 million Americans who served during World War II are still with us today”

“Every day, memories of World War II—its sights and sounds, its terrors and triumphs—disappear.”

(From the National WW2 Museum.org website)

Thank God for all of our brave veterans; we remember and honor you and your service. Thank you!

It is humorous (though not side splitting), precisely because it’s an entirely plausible story. Have a safe and enjoyable Veterans Day. Hooah!

I honor all who have served the U.S. but mourn for the loss of those who have tossed away in so many unneccessary military actions.

I remember reading one about a private on KP duty who went to sick call with a small piece of eggshell in his eye and wound up getting a Purple Heart award for a “shell fragment in eye”. Lol

“I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States.

Yet through all the gloom I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory. I can see that the end is worth more than all the means…."

~ Founding Patriot John Adams

My mom subscribed to Reader’s Digest. A couple of times I actually found the original versions of magazine articles that Reader’s Digest had “condensed”, and I could compare the two.

One time they had an original article about roads around the country that aren’t being fixed, and isn’t that a shame? Tisk, tisk, tisk. I had to go through the article to find the road near me, and I found it: Washington Highway 522 between Bothell and Monroe. The state had offered to fix it and turn it into a toll road, and local residents rejected that idea, so they only have themselves to blame. The road has since been subject to start/stop repairs between state financial crises. They still have one pesky stop light on the highway, and an embankment that is still tantalizingly unpaved and just out of reach.

Another RD related joke. Two men in a bar drinking, each commiserating the other. One was a writer for Life; the other being a photographer for Readers Digest.

The best way to honor our veterans is to stop making new ones.

Today I’m going to a ceremony honoring a friend who served in WWII and is 99 years old. My dad also served in that war. I skipped serving in Vietnam and don’t regret it.

We were dirt poor, but my mom found money for Britanica Jr. and Reader’s Digest. Thanks to her I learned to love reading. Thanks, Mom!

One, yes to Reader’s Digest. Two, this makes me think of the many men in WW2 doing whatever they could (not saying that never occurred in other wars, I know it did). Now it makes me miss my grandpa more (he was in Korean War).

Loved Readers Digest — how I learned to readThanks for the salute to Veterans

When my great uncle was out of the service he remembered a time on Guam when he saw a truck crossing the runway and coming along the flightline. Every few seconds the truck would stop, the driver get out, crawl under the truck and bang away at what later turned out to be the transmission. When it got close to Uncle Davy he walked over and told the sergeant (who had more years in service than Davy had on this earth) “Sergeant, maybe you should go to maintenance to get that fixed.” Sarge replied, “Begging the lieutenant’s pardon, but maintenance gave me the rock.”

If you know any vets, get their stories. Record them or write them down. A very good day to remember them.

Started my love of RD when I was a kid and there was always a copy in grandparents’ bathroom. Dad always received a subscription from them for Christmas. I received a subscription every Christmas when I married and had a home of my own. Now my hubby makes sure to renew my subscription just for me. . . Or so he claims! My older grandkids go to my bedroom’s bathroom where the RD is located… through the generations information is provided in little sits! Oh, I forgot…… as a retired English teacher, I had a mother once tell me she made her kids work the “Word Power” article every month to expand their vocabulary!

One of the Humor in Uniform stories I remember is that there was a sergeant who wanted a Jeep repainted. He got a private, some olive drab paint and a brush. He took the private to the Jeep and the conversation went something like this:“I want this Jeep painted” said Sarge. “And I want it all painted, not just the flaked off spots.”“OK, Sarge” said the private, “But…”“No buts, I want ALL of this Jeep painted. You hear me All of it! I’m going to take care of some other business and it had better all be painted when I get back!” The sergeant returned to find that, indeed, the WHOLE Jeep had been painted: body, dashboard, windshield, steering wheel, seats, floorboards, headlights, taillights and even the tires!

Pre-smartphone toilet reading.

My favorite RD Humor in Uniform, as best as I can recreate it (60 years ago), purportedly true. Fellow serving in the heavy armaments enjoyed his work but was distressed about what it was doing to his hearing. A buddy suggested he buy some cigarettes and cut off a couple of filters and put those in his ears to block the sound. The sound block worked great, but he noticed the filters were chafing his ears. Not to worry, the buddy had a solution, buy some Vitalis and lubricate the filters with the hair oil.

A week later a new guy came to the unit, saw the fellow’s Vitalis in his kit, and -striking up a friendly conversation – asked how the guy liked what it did for his hair. “Oh, I don’t put it in my hair, I just put it on the cigarette filters.” Nonplussed, the new guy asked, “how does it make them taste?” “Oh, I don’t smoke, I just stick them in my ears.” No more questions.

I joined the US Army on May 16, 1966. It was just 2 weeks after my 23rd birthday.

In boot camp, I was considered an old man (all the other ‘men’ were 18 and 19 year old recruits from Central California), so the drill instructors looked to me for extra help with the ‘young’ ones. That didn’t get me out of anything – I went through boot camp just like everyone else… scared and excited.

When we went into town on our 2, single day passes (with 2 weeks to go, we were considered soldiers, not maggots), I was explicitly ordered to buy all the ‘kids’ cigarettes and beer if and when they wanted them. Turns out that the folks in the local stores expected this and didn’t ask me any questions.

I was also the best shot in the platoon. I was headed for Expert Marksman. But we had a couple of really bad shots in the platoon, so I was explicitly ordered to shot enough targets to qualify, and then start picking off targets for the bad shots so that they would qualify too. My mother didn’t raise any dumb sons, so I did as ordered. Later, at graduation, the drill instructors came to me and gave me an Expert Marksman badge. I looked at them and one of them said, “Hey, we were keeping score.” So, still being a little dumb despite my mother, I asked, “Then why didn’t you just give the bad shots qualifying grades?” They all (all three of them) looked at me and said, “You, YOU, were being tested for team work and leadership. You passed with flying colors, and would act the same under combat conditions. That is what you are really being rewarded for… but, since there is no badge for that, you get Expert Marksman. We know your MOS isn’t Infantry, but we are confidant that in any difficult situation you are ever in with a fellow group of soldiers, you will act as a team member, maybe even lead.”

So, the old man.

Continued below…

When I had about 2 months left in the Army, I was now almost 27, I got caught up in a platoon inspection because I was in a three man team assigned to go retrieve two soldiers, who were in training at Fort Devens, and had gone AWOL. They were being held at Fort Sheridan, Illinois.

Normally, AWOL is not serious. Yes, you get punished, but depending on what happened, you got an Article 15. Many guys returned on their own.

But, these guys had also stolen a car and robbed a gas station.

The soldiers initially assigned to go get them just went to both houses where their parents lived and waited for them to show up.And they did eventually show up. And then they were arrested and taken to Fort Sheridan.

It was our job to go get them.

I actually got to legally carry a fully loaded 45 onto an airplane.

Well, here is where the old man comes in.

We had to qualify with the 45, and then undergo a formal inspection. We were told that the inspecting officer would be a shave tail Lieutenant just out of OCS (he had just turned 19), so be patient with him.

Ok, so… he finally gets to me. Takes my weapon and inspects it, hands it back, and says, “Well done son.”

As he stepped away, I said, “Gee, thanks dad.”

He stopped, turned back to me, and I looked him straight in the eyes, hard… He smiled and turned to the next soldier.

The sergeant in charge of the three man team told me after the inspection that he almost laughed out loud.

Heh… so did I…

Doubt if the Sergeant said knuckleheads……

Happened to me in boot camp. 2nd day of Basic and we’re having our first inspection of uniform, locker and cot, with all our civilian clothes supposedly stored away in a group locked closet, and nothing yet in our laundry bag tied at the end of our cots. Sergeant gets to one airman and finds lumps in his laundry bag and has the airman empty it on the cot which turns out to be his civilian clothes. And he starts giving the airman demerits for each item. Got to the pair of shoes and says for each, ‘1 demerit’, the airman says back, ‘Sarge, that’s a pair of shoes, that’s only 1 demerit.’

I miss getting them, but they are almost nothing but ads now. By the time I was in third grade I was reading them cover to cover.

I enjoyed reading the books, too.

Congratulations to Mr. Johnson for yet another great strip that inspired so much participation from his fans. Also his alma mater Auburn Tigers are Bowl Eligible.

My late uncle was in Italy when the Allies went in to drive the Facists out. He said he had people giving him salamis left and right to thank him and his men. He said he never ate another piece in his life after that. One thing was bad, they were putting wood cellulose in with the meat to stretch it and bread flour. He was very happy with K rations and C rations after several episodes of a belly ache.

My dad also read Reader’s Digest, and as a WII veteran, he would have loved today’s comic. Thank you, Jimmy! This brings back wonderful memories! ❤️❤️❤️

My mother subscribed to Reader’s Digest too.

When I was in 6th grade we each got copies of RD to read in class over the year.

My family was a “Time” and “Life” magazines family. I still subscribe to “Time”.

That story could be a lot of baloney