Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for November 10, 2023

Dewey, Cheatem and Howe – someone had to say it.

Well it depends. Is you suit intended to right a wrong, or just make you money?

Either way the lawyer is the one who wins.

I almost read CUTT wrong.

I got a kick out of the sign for the law office I passed every day on my way to work: Dial & Lose. The odds got a little better when the added another partner: May.

What about the law offices of Dewey, Dickham & Howe?

Depending on what your suit’s about, you might save a lot of money and enjoy life more if you dumped all your notes and supporting files in that wastecan and went to the nearest ice cream shop.

I think someone has had a hard time with lawyers – who that may be, I can only guess …

Ditcher, Quick, and Hyde or Shaft, Shaft, and Finagle

A poser: Is Trump capable of sweating beads?

Depends on how frivolous your suit is.

Then there’s Private Eye magazine’s Sue, Grabbit & Runn

What people overlook is that the cut throat outfits usually find it easier to cut their client’s throat.

I’ve always favored Pat Oliphant’s “Bushmaster, Cobra, and Asp, LLC”

There used to be a law partnership in my home town called “Coffin, Mew, and Clover” which always sounded really weird.

My grandmother had a fake book for hiding valuables in, titled on the spine as “Tryem and Chancitt”.

Having been through a few legal situations, I would always pick the scariest firm. If they are already on your side, they can’t be hired against you.

In ‘The Force’ by Don Winslow a tough law&order cop spends the first 200 pages talking about how much he hates a particular defense attorney who always gets his clients off. As soon as the cop’s dirty secrets come out, he runs straight to the lawyer he hates.

99% of lawyers give the rest of them a bad stereotype.

Steppe, Tripp & Fawl Esqs.

A favorite ‘kick them’ theme. Always gets predictable responses.

Yeah, which evil, blood sucking parasite is most likely to “bend the rules” in your favor!

Fresh out of law school, I took a job with a local firm. Three weeks into it, the senior partner told me, "This isn’t some big ‘truth party’ out there. Our clients expect us to do whatever it takes to win, regardless of something like ‘truth.’ " I left working for this slimeball within the month.

Every defendant is considered innocent until proven broke (Larsen T. Pettifogger, lawyer)

Get the money, then stand on principle…

judge shopping has much more favorable results though.

senior partner, Boyd Dewey.

I applied for law school, but then I passed the ethics test and they said that disqualified me.

There is a recurring TV ad in Michigan, in which a scary looking lawyer intones, “That’s what we do! We win!”

“ I don’t recall” is not lying..(when the Fifth Amendment is not quite enough.)

Trickem, Dickem and Dumpem. A short lived law firm of Nixon, and John and Ted Kennedy.

They should go for the left door. Those lawyers are obviously even more conniving that the others.

Lawless & Lawless, Attorneys at Law.

long ago when was pretty young my family was talking about local lawyers; my grandfather said “vandiver was the biggest shyster in town” I asked who do you use and he said “vandiver”. So i asked why he used him and he replied—-"you wanta win dont you? circa 1955 or so,

If you’re shopping for a lawyer you’ve already lost.

The dirtiest lawyers win, in part because complicit judges allow them to.

Phare Play And Justice went out of business decades ago.

Guess which ones are poor but honest?

Left: Live on pro bono stipend. Right: Under investigation for multiple ethics violations.

98% of lawyers give all the rest a bad name.

Ruly, Kempt, Sheveled, & Couth

Hart,Burns,and Belcher

And Managing Editor—Mr.Fuller Bull