I think the same author wrote The Husband Wife Translator Book. (The left facing page says “Honey, I’m home from the grocery store!” The right facing page says “Get your lazy butt off the couch and bring in the groceries!”)
Then there’s the chapter that advises dads that are pacing the floor with a colicky kid to hourly switch the kid’s screaming into your other ear so that your hearing loss in your old age is balanced (but still not fair).
What is the likelihood that dad actually thought up this answer ahead of time? Could he have anticipated that Calvin would ask this question, then decided on the “to keep them in your head” strategy?
How about the “book you get when you become a dad”? Could that be a stock response?
Google: When stimulated, the brain stem’s sneeze center orders muscle contractions from esophagus to sphincter. That includes the muscles controlling the eyelids. Some sneezers even shed a few tears. Perhaps people close their eyes while sneezing to prevent the expelled particles from entering their eyes.
I love giving off the wall answers to our children and grandchildren. They mostly see right through them but its fun to see their expressions and hear their responses.
Calvin might enjoy (parts of) the movie, Brother From Another Planet. The alien could remove an eyeball and place it somewhere like a hidden camera. Later he could replace his eyeball and see what had transpired in the eyeball’s view.
In my memory of reading these comics the first time, I remember the parents as kind but overwhelmed people. Reading these comics again in my older years, the parents are just a$$h0les.
BE THIS GUY 7 months ago
Calvin is going to spend the rest of his life trying to keep his eyes open when he sneezes.
codycab 7 months ago
Gross? Yes. Something that Calvin will keep trying to do until he does? Absolutely!
dadthedawg 7 months ago
“A Dad’s Guide to the Universe”…..
The Calvinosaurus That Calvin Wanted To Discover 7 months ago
Good thing he didn’t say “Sneezing with your eyes open builds character.”
eromlig 7 months ago
I think the same author wrote The Husband Wife Translator Book. (The left facing page says “Honey, I’m home from the grocery store!” The right facing page says “Get your lazy butt off the couch and bring in the groceries!”)
lalapalooza Premium Member 7 months ago
Hey! How come we mothers don’t get a handbook like that?!!
ArcticFox Premium Member 7 months ago
Dad’s getting a head start on being a Grandpa.
Dr. Quatermass 7 months ago
Then there’s the chapter that advises dads that are pacing the floor with a colicky kid to hourly switch the kid’s screaming into your other ear so that your hearing loss in your old age is balanced (but still not fair).
in-dubio-pro-rainbow 7 months ago
And I guess this book was written by “Eyegor” of the “Young Frankenstein” movie…
Liverlips McCracken Premium Member 7 months ago
What is the likelihood that dad actually thought up this answer ahead of time? Could he have anticipated that Calvin would ask this question, then decided on the “to keep them in your head” strategy?
How about the “book you get when you become a dad”? Could that be a stock response?
cmxx 7 months ago
My dad told me that all this stuff is taught in Father School.
einarbt 7 months ago
Clearly skipped the chapter on lying.
GreggW Premium Member 7 months ago
So if you don’t close your eyes when you sneeze, you’ll look like a Tex Avery cartoon. Got it.
ravnali 7 months ago
I feel that I really need to know where to get a copy of the book :)
steveh64 7 months ago
People like Calvin’s dad must be how some superstitions get started.
cdward 7 months ago
That’s exactly what my fathering manual said, and that’s exactly what my kids learned from me.
RussellCastine 7 months ago
Google: When stimulated, the brain stem’s sneeze center orders muscle contractions from esophagus to sphincter. That includes the muscles controlling the eyelids. Some sneezers even shed a few tears. Perhaps people close their eyes while sneezing to prevent the expelled particles from entering their eyes.
jagedlo 7 months ago
These days it would be an e-book…
dflak 7 months ago
Chapter 1. “You live in a fishbowl. Your children will rarely do as you say, but they will do as you do.”
jonescientific 7 months ago
Calvin is his father’s son…
Huckleberry Hiroshima 7 months ago
I thought for sure Calvin would like that and try to make it happen.
flemmingo 7 months ago
He would be really scary holding his eyeballs in his hands at Halloween.
miztrniceguy 7 months ago
I didn’t get the book!!!
boydjb47 7 months ago
I love giving off the wall answers to our children and grandchildren. They mostly see right through them but its fun to see their expressions and hear their responses.
vaughnrl2003 Premium Member 7 months ago
Which Fathers book did you get? The “Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child” manual or the “All It Takes Is Love” handbook?
MRBLUESKY529 7 months ago
If such a book existed and young men actually read it, most of us would get vasectomies.
rshive 7 months ago
And Dad knows the book well.
HappyDog/ᵀʳʸ ᴮᵒᶻᵒ ⁴ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘⁿ ᵒᶠ ᶦᵗ Premium Member 7 months ago
Calvin might enjoy (parts of) the movie, Brother From Another Planet. The alien could remove an eyeball and place it somewhere like a hidden camera. Later he could replace his eyeball and see what had transpired in the eyeball’s view.
fgerbil46 7 months ago
ROFLMAO!
basspro 7 months ago
It’s no small wonder Calvin is the way he is.
Angry Indeed 7 months ago
Where’s that book? I can’t find it anywhere! I’d at least be happy if I could a hand the Cliff Notes of it!
Can't Sleep 7 months ago
Oh, if only there was a handbook…
ChessPirate 7 months ago
( ̯ ) ----☉----⚆
glkilowoggl 7 months ago
Calvin’s father must have been exactly like Calvin as a child.
g04922 7 months ago
Obviously, Dad knows Calvin very well…
BoydAdams 7 months ago
Brilliant! Nice to see dad get an occasional shot in
Mediatech 7 months ago
Like father, like son.
mistercatworks 7 months ago
This actually has some truth to it.
locake 7 months ago
He’s really an awful father, but very funny. He didn’t want kids anyway.
TimothyP23 7 months ago
I wonder if Guillermo Del Toro was reading this as he was writing Pan’s Labyrinth.
Zebrastripes 7 months ago
LOVE IT!!! ☺️❤️
sobrown51 7 months ago
Wait…. I never got my book. My kids are all grown now. I guess it’s too late.
WesC Premium Member 7 months ago
In my memory of reading these comics the first time, I remember the parents as kind but overwhelmed people. Reading these comics again in my older years, the parents are just a$$h0les.
zarilla 7 months ago
Nowadays it’s called the Internet.
Saddenedby Premium Member 7 months ago
Eyeballs are chapter 10 – it’s next to the chapter on DAD JOKES
Lady loves a joke 7 months ago
And what he doesn’t know, he makes up ;)
Flatworm 7 months ago
I love Dad’s explanations. My favorite was his explanation of why old photographs were in black & white.
Snolep 7 months ago
He asked ChatGPT.
mindjob 7 months ago
He’ll try to stop sneezing because he doesn’t want his brains to fly out
Curiosity Premium Member 7 months ago
Wait, what? There’s a book? I raised 2 kids and never got any book! Certainly not an owner’s manual, much less a teach-life-lesson-plan book.
Earnestly Frank 7 months ago
Yeah, the last time it happened to me when I did that it took me three weeks to recover.
Otis Rufus Driftwood 7 months ago
I’ve wondered that myself. But I don’t believe Dad’s explanation.
Not the Smartest Man On the Planet -- Maybe Close Premium Member 7 months ago
Dad is my favorite character in the strip.
Ammo is busy training in the hills Premium Member 7 months ago
My Pops is 87 and still pulls stuff like this. He told me so many dad fibs as a kid sometimes I still believe them.
dziner88 7 months ago
My dad was like this when I was a kid…