Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 30, 2022

All “fortune tellers” that advertise are fakes. The real ones have cashed in lottery tickets

And those who really want to know, will go inside and be eaten by a bear. Thus the Wiley-verse stays in balance.

I used to know a tarot card reader. I intentionally avoided letting her predict my future.

That board is insidiously genius! Some people will be lured in: “WHAT don’t I want to know?”

The first fortune-teller I met was my career’s advisor. I said I wanted to be a pilot, she said I did not have what it takes, and she was correct. I even tried to become a glider pilot and it turns out I hated it too.

Bit from Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In. Man goes to fortune teller she looks in her crystal ball and says “You will meet a woman, she will give you bad advice and take your money.” Man pays her and leaves. Forune teller says “This thing is starting to work.”

A state of blissful ignorance – isn’t that what’s been happening for the last umpteen times?

I really hope she’s not talking about the 2024 election.

My go to psychic is named I. M. Guessing. He’s been wrong every time, but he gives it all away anyways.

Fortune teller: “I tell the future. Keck. Nothing easier. Everybody’s future is in their face. Nothing easier.

But who can tell your past,—eh? Nobody!

Your youth—where did it go? It slipped away while you weren’t looking. While you were asleep. While you were drunk? Puh!

You’re like our friends, Mr. and Mrs. Antrobus; you lie awake nights trying to know your past.

What did it mean? What was it trying to say to you?Think! Think! Split your heads.

I can’t tell the past and neither can you. If anybody tries to tell you the past, take my word for it, they’re charlatans! Charlatans! But I can tell you the future.”

(The Skin of Our Teeth – Thorton Wilder)

… and you’re a Homecoming Queen!

Sometimes I think about jumping into the discussion, and then I realize “It just isn’t worth it.” Moving on now to Harley.

The Monkees, 1966. Uh, I had to look up the date…twice!

I’ll take procrastination over prognostication anyday.

People will pay big money to have sunshine blown up their @$$.

Fortune teller took a look then gave me my money back. She said, Your’re gonna need this. She was right. I got a parking ticket out front of her store.

that’s my cue to leave.

I agree with the fortune teller. I don’t wanna know. Take one day at a time.

I love the little things Wiley throws in. Madame “Seenit.”

I don’t believe in psychics. On the other hand, I have great respect for side kicks.

If you see the fortune teller running, follow her.

A firm hired me to predict future stock market and interest rate moves, even though I told them no one can predict the future and anything I say would be the same type of garbage. Sadly, humankind has never evolved to the point where we can tolerate uncertainty.

Just when ya think it couldn’t get weirder, ya check the news and…

This is a flashback to 2015 when a fortune teller asked her crystal ball to tell her about Trump.

Madam SEENIT’s fist name is IDA. As in, Ida Seenit coming if I were an actual clairvoyant.

i SHALL GAZE INTO MY MAGIC TRINKET

Trinket?that’s just a bowl of water

So go ahead and trinket.

Soon to be closing due to unforseen circumstances.

I did one of those once at a County Fair once. How people fall for that stuff is beyond me. Have to say, she tried really, really hard.

Psychic abilities come in a plethora of modes:

1. Knowing what is hidden near you.2. Feeling a person’s feelings. 3. Knowing the future from dreams. 4. Remote viewing. 5. Predicting danger.

Changing the future is for witches, who may or not be psychic.

Fortune-telling is best left to astrology.

One problem is proving the result is psychic. One morning I woke up with a strong compulsion to buy Tesla. It was at $404. Within days it rose to $808. I’m holding not because of psychic vibes, but stubbornness.

Usually, psychic vibes come to me rather than me trying to force them. No, I can’t tell your future other than, “you will die.”

Not a trace of doubt in my mind

I read about a NYC policewoman who worked in the fraud squad. In her career she arrested many, many fortune tellers, and not a single one of them knew she was coming for them.

It doesn’t take a fortune teller to come up with that one

Abraham Lincoln came back from the fortune teller beaming, “She said I was going to be president for life!”

I once visited a fortune teller. Unfortunately for me, she told my fortune to get lost.

Wiley…wry irony. Perfect!

Madame Seenit only sees Misfortunes and Disasters.