Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for May 04, 2022

Feuilles d’érable Canadiens spéciaux. (Pardon my French.)

…it maybe a sanitary factory…

…but it’s prices are insane…

…I slept in a nightshirt for years…

…used to stand over a heating vent…

…and entertain the wife…

…are you really big boned?…

…or just glad to see me?…

…I wear one size fits all…

…because doesn’t matter…

…the funniest part is…

…“combined with these values…

…we pay shipping on ten dollar orders”…

…and nothing adds up to exactly ten dollars…

…Ha! The jokes on you…

…you deny global warming…

…so there will still be plenty of us snowflakes…

…actually…

…lakes like the Great Lakes will no longer freeze over…

…leading to winter long ‘lake effect’ snow…

…there will be more snow than ever in these climates…

“Neglige and bodies shirts?!” Aw, c’mon. Just cross-dress already with your negligée and bodice!!

If you tell someone President Nixon opened a Big & Tall Man’s clothing store after he left office they will believe you.

I shop at puny and short stores.

Under Mr. Snowflake it says “Will give slendid service.” Must you publicly pimp out yourself, sir?

So come on down to Stout and Bangers!

Where people with special requirements pay special prices!

Blitz, Blitz, it’s ballroom blitz..

Blitzard, Blitzard, it’s a snowball, Blitzard..

Hey, It’s me! I’m famous!

Back when William Howard Taft was Mr. America.

I think I went to school with that snowflake.

Is this one of the first ads put out by the Froglandia Bathmat Factory?

In business since 1899, they still continue with their great assessments of their unique products!

Shop today!

Eaton’s sells all sorts of stuff.

All Eaton’s Stout Men’s nightwear is designed to withstand a force equal to 68,000 Newtons per hurl!

(ideal for overnight camping in a brachiosaurus puke crater!)

Someone’s been drinking too much stout

Catalogue pages such as this were put to better use in outhouses …!

( cheers for Sears )

I’m not fat – I’m fluffy!

Only the gray union flannel shirt is made in the “sanitary” portion of the factory, which is near the bathrooms. Employees not in that section are required to use buckets. Do they like it that way? No. Not at first. But they LEARNED to like it that way, if they wanted to remain employed, just like . . . Amazon?

When I was a kid jeans for boys came in slim, regular, and husky.

Take off you hoser!

And if you’re a non-“special snowflake” you can just call them fat-sized, ‘cause that’s your size. Or, even better non-PC, whatta buncha lardos….

Back in the 50s clothing sizes for heavy boys were called “Husky,” and the corresponding girl’s sizes were called “Chubby.” Ah, the insensitivity of the “good old days…” Glad they’re GONE!