Herman by Jim Unger for April 27, 2022

I ask myself that every day

That’s why I don’t eat magnets.

The magic of estrogen

That’s nothing I just drive by a donut shop and gain 5 pounds.

Does it increase the body’s capacity for holding water?

A dozen of them.

Problem is, she buys them a box at a time.

It’s magic!

@halibaitor: isn’t the buying. It’s the eating

“Well, when you eat 40 of those chocolate bars, it adds up.”

It’s a catalyst. Catalysts either speed up or slow down reactions. For me it’s peanut butter. If I eat it I gain weight. If I avoid it, I don’t gain weight. It’s something in the processing. I eat peanuts all the time and they don’t seem to have the same effect.

It’s not the weight. It’s the quantity!

Yes, but how many 2-ounce candy bars have you eaten in the past 10 years? :P

I ate one doughnut and gained 3 lbs. Didn’t eat one lost 2 lbs. Go figure.

One time I weighed 3 ounces. One time I weighed 5 pounds.

Four pounds? Looks like forty to me

Well, ma’am, since you did eat the chocolate bar – or bars – and you did gain 4 pounds, you have a question that YOU need to answer.

Doctors scales are funny that way.

The eternal question?

The answer is water retention: your cells have to pull in extra water to process the salt, sugar, and caffeine.

Sometimes those scales embellish things.

Don’t blame the chocolate bar, or the cake, or the ice cream, or the dozen donuts, or the pie, or the other pie…