Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for January 08, 2022

I think hi son is a lawyer

Put a target on the T-shirts and business will pick up

Just add the word DEAD and make a fortune.

I don’t know. That Wiley bear in a tee shirt looks pretty dang tempting.

Remember, only 98% of the lawyers give the rest a bad name.

The person I know who has ALL the lawyer jokes is my cousin, the (now retired) lawyer.

Do you know why some labs have started using lawyers instead of rats?

…

Because the techs don’t start liking them. And there are some things even a rat won’t do.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q: What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

A: A rooster clucks defiance…

does Trump ever pay off all his lawyers? Kinda dangerous position to be in but then he must have lawyers to take on his lawyers. Perhaps they might take some of Melania’s hats and what perfect timing she be newly in the millinery business at $250,000 a pop for a single head piece.

It only lasted a day. Should have located it on K Street in DC. He would’ve made a fortune from all the lawyers and lobbyists who’d have given them out as “gifts”.

This thread will be a good test to see who understood Dick the Butcher’s famous line in Henry VI.

I liked reading “Schlock Mercenary” where all of the lawyers were cloned snakes and everybody enjoyed killing them, even their own clients. I never did figure out how they put their neckties on.

Lawyers – the 21st century version of the Old West’s “hired gun.”

Lawyers jokes are like bad tires. Too much wear and tear have worn the tires down to the steel belts. But some people just keep on riding on them.

No lawyer I know works that fast.

Q: “If you were locked in a room with Saddam, the Ayatollah Khomeini and a lawyer, and you had a gun with two bullets in it, who would you shoot?”A: “The lawyer—twice.”While we stood outside the 101 California Street Shooting (July 1, 1993), someone calmly remarked “Does he need an ammo run?”

He should have opened a “Let’s Go Brandon” store. Apparently those are doing great. So, Let’s Go Brandon.

Q: Do you know how many Lawyer jokes there are??

A: 3. All the rest are true stories!

Prompt: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? GO Stop at the bottom of the page. Do not go to the next question until told to do so.

How much for a coffee mug?

I’ll bet a dime some lawyer sues him for something.

I hear the dart boards are a big seller

Huh. A good friend from college is a lawyer who makes a very middling income keeping old people from being evicted from their homes and getting deadbeat dads to meet their responsibilities. So nice to see all the hate.

Actually, if there’s anything left of the “rule of law”, the lawyers will save us. Love Aaron Siri!!! No more “show me your papers” and fight the mandates. Don’t let the technocrats win.

How did they get their name—“By law, yers becomes mine.”

What do you get when you cross a pig and a lawyer? No one knows. There are somethings pigs won’t to do.

What do you call it when a plane load of lawyers crashes,? A good start. What if there are two or three empty seats? A shame.

But the lawyers love you!

At least that is what they imply in all of their TV ads…

“Legally Blonde,” 1995, comedy combining two stereotypes — dumb blondes and sleazy lawyers. We are making some progress. It is becoming less acceptable to do ‘dumb blonde’ jokes.

Long ago you could buy stickers that covered the heart with the picture of a wood screw, effectively altering the bumper sticker to say, “I screw my whatever.”

There… above the dumpsters… is that one of the George Pal Martian War Machines from the 1953 “War of the Worlds”? Why, yes, The Count does believe it is!

Lawyers are the bane of society

My personal favorite: Did you hear about the terrorists who captured a plane full of lawyers? They threatened to release one every hour until their demands were met.

If the materiel in those tee shirts was nice and soft, you could wash a car with them.

He is only closing this business so he can start a new one. He had an even better idea: “I Love Realtors” t-shirts. :) :) :)

(Inspired by misreading the sign as “wishful thinking v. realty”)

The main wishful thinking was that a new brick-and-mortar specialty shop had a chance vs. the internet.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a lawyer in a Porsche? For a porcupine, the prick is on the outside…

he changes signs every week

We need lawyers due to the complexity of the law.

What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?A rooster gets up every morning and clucks defiance.

A Smart Business owner would quickly change the Heart to Hate.

He’d make a Fortune selling merchandise with Lawyer & Shark jokes on it.

How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thin you slice them. (I think I read this one in the comments last year.)

Lawyers are like pit bulls. Yours are darling dogs and brave defenders of your home. The other guy’s are vicious brutes.