Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for April 15, 2019

A friend went to work for IRS on corporate audits. His first three cases he collected many millions in dodged taxes. He was transferred out of that department.

Due to the criminals buying all the politicians, the IRS only goes after the little guys now. You can get away with bank robbery, but only if you own it first.

Do I pay the IRS or the loan shark; the IRS or the loan shark. His outfit makes the decision more difficult.

Have there been any studies as to which has the lowest approval ratings ; lawyers or IRS agents?

Wait, is that Chevy Chase? Land shark!

Bring a harpoon with you. Mr. Celebration-in-a-shark-suit will keep his distance, no worries.

I thought audit season was all year long.

Should be drinking a Bloody Mary.

Thus exhibiting how to be down in the mouth and ecstatic at the same time.

Lawyers are sharks. Auditors are more like piranhas. Probably, harder to get a piranha suit.

I.R.S. Auditors NEVER worry about Shark Attacks when they go to the beach, due to professional courtesy!

Of course, this is probably the time of year that they hate the most, since an IRS office must look like total chaos immediately following April 15.

But is he smart enough to understand Trump’s tax returns? After all, Trump knows more about taxes than the IRS.

Is this the guy working on Trump’s audit? He needs to hurry up already, so Trump can no longer use that as an excuse. He’s probably lying about it anyway.

Something we can all agree on.

So many commentators love Wiley’s long story arcs, but the single panel guys at the bar quips are my favorite.

In the last 15 years I’ve been audited 5 times. It has always been because of itemized deductions. Once was because of Misc. and the others were because of Medical being outside of what they consider norms. And once an audit is triggered they want to see documentation for everything on Schedule A. Each time I’ve spent hours copying my documentation, Mailing a one inch thick 9 × 12 manila envelope, and eventually receiving a letter from the IRS that basically says “OK FINE, EVERYTHING CHECKS OUT AND NO ADJUSTMENTS TO MY TAXES ARE NECESSARY”. I wish they had an honesty indicator and stop pestering me.

Um, Candygram!

My wife is considering taking a job with either the IRS or the state, she did corporate internal auditing for eight years/

Many years ago, my recently-retired father was audited because of the amount he’d listed for religious deductions. Things began to get heated between himself and the rather nasty and obdurate auditor until her boss happened to overhear the conversation and intervened.

It turned out, fortunately, that he’d worked for my dad at one time and knew him quite well. He told the auditor in no uncertain terms that she’d no business questioning what donations – weekly or yearly – that my dad, who was a very religious man and very active in his church, made.

The ironic upshot was that after a conversation with my father, the IRS supervisor talked him into taking a training course in Buffalo, N.Y. and working for the IRS as a part-time auditor, while he was still being audited!

The literal truth, no exaggeration, no lie: I personally pay hundreds of millions of dollars more in federal taxes than GE, Boeing, Verizon, and Bank of America combined. So do you.

Don’t workers always celebrate having tons of paperwork piled on their desk?

Okay, now I want a shark costume.

@Dtroutma, where did your friend go in the IRS? Seems to me he would have been promoted. But it wouldn’t be the first time the promotion took them out of their best position in a job.

Used to work with a guy who was neighbors with an IRS auditor. He said the guy literally had no friends. I wonder why.

Tax man shark, do-do do-do, do do…..

Is that everyone’s favorite I.R.S. Agent, Ben Dover?

The thing they are working on now is having no one, but the ultra wealthy get a tax return or in too many cases no taxes. Pretty soon, like this past year, only more subtlety, you will see more in your paycheck, but find you owe at the end of the year. So, word to the wise, do the math and make sure you have money in the bank to cover any taxes you may soon find yourself owing. Of course, the banks, especially the payday loan companies are counting on you not having the money to pay the now owed taxes and will generously offer you high rate loans to keep you from paying tax penalties.

This will likely not happen until after the next election and perhaps when the temporary little tax cut ends, and will more likely happen if the Republicans gain full control of the government. The option you may have is to rework your W2’s and change your deductions from dependents to a percentage of your pay, or making sure there is money in the bank come tax time. Which is much harder to do for people that are living paycheck to paycheck.

I always make my tax check out to “The Infernal Revenue Disservice” and they cash it every time.

Candy-gram…