Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 07, 2022

Goat suffers from that disorder that keeps him from lying.

Translate this, Rat: You have a wonderful personality and a great sense of humor.

Bless Rat’s little heart.

Find new friends goat, please find new friends

Nobody has ever even said that to Rat.

In other words, you take phrases and twist them into what you think they should mean. :/

See you laid-ter = I’ll see you at your funeral.

More like “Let’s share some hot dog condiments soon”…

“A penny for your thought” is another one. I’ve never gotten a penny.

Rat’s not wrong. Everyone who’s ever said that to me has never been heard from again

Eh me thought that meant ketchup is over and you wants more soon.

“Have a nice day” = “cram it with walnuts”

steph you got this one right on!

My favorite is “with all due respect…..”.

Rat has deep rooted daddy issues.

What’s wrong with the catsup?

I had a co-worker who transferred to another location for a few years. When she came back she said she hated it there because the people there would say “let’s do lunch sometime” but they never did. She wanted them to say “let’s do lunch this Friday”. Now that I think about it she could have said that instead of waiting for them to say it.

No offense, Rat, but……..

C U Next Tuesday

I’ve grown to learn that RAT is on to something…and it’s true…sincerity has left the building!

OK, then, what’s the meaning of the phrases “That’s fine” and “It’s fine”?

I hear people use them interchangeably for “Yes” and “No”, and I hate that.

Neurotypical talk. Frustrating and confusing to those who are not.

When someone asks, “How are you?” They don’t really want to know. Lie to them.

I like ketchup no matter what they say.

I actually mean it = most people never belive a word I say.

“Hi, how are you?”. Real meaning: I don’t give a r at’s a**, I just want to moan and whine about my problems.

On the telephone I hear “I’m going to let you go now” meaning “please hang up & let me get on with my life.” I solved this issue by not answering my phone.

Reminds me of realtor language. Cute and cozy is actually old and tiny.

The people who respond by saying “Sure, absolutely!” are the ones who don’t mean it.

Herb Tarlek: [angrily] What do you mean it’s your painting?Bailey Quarters: Well, you gave it to me. It’s mine.Herb Tarlek: When?Bailey Quarters: Ten minutes ago.Herb Tarlek: Where?Bailey Quarters: [pointing] Right here, you said, “here, you can have it”.Herb Tarlek: Bailey, Bailey, Bailey, Bailey. “You can have it” is just a figure of speech. People say it all the time. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s like, uh… “thanks a million” or “so is your mother”.Bailey Quarters: It’s my painting Herb, thanks a million.Herb Tarlek: I really don’t believe you. I just don’t believe you, Bailey. You come in here every morning in your freshly pressed outfits and your freshly scrubbed face, and you sit here, all day, hardly speaking above a whisper, and then, when a man is, is vulnerable, shaken, upset, you, you just reach out and, and rip from him what is rightfully and fairly his. Bailey, I, I… I’m just so disappointed.Bailey Quarters: [had pretended to be on the verge of tears] Herb, so is your mother.

Clerks and cashiers don’t really care if you have a nice day.

Good one.

I’m sure some of you out there grew up hearing your parents reply to a request you made with ’I’ll think about it’, or ’We’ll ad’s, and that often meant no.

Rat lives what he says. That’s harsh, brutal honesty….

Spitballing

Yeah, you mean it when you say it, but sadly the result is the same.

Catsup as soon as we eat is better than catsup at the end of the meal.