That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for February 04, 2022

The mother always suspected her son’s fiancée was a gold digger — and now she was certain!

/// There are questions, when Choosing the Ring,

to consider besides “Is it bling?”

Is it beautifully made?

Worth as much as they paid?

Will her finger turn green from the thing?

I know you were hoping to save up for a house, but let’s be honest, what’s more important? A place to live or a ring that will serve as an eternal symbol of your love for me?

The chaperone is watching like a hawk – she knows how randy Maribel gets when she is spending other peoples’ money.

What should we do? The man says that they are all out of condoms.

“Yes dear, we can afford to get you that ring. Ramen noodles again or mac and cheese for dinner tonight.”

Eunice trying to sell the handkerchief she got from Napoleon to the Pawn Stars Paris Branch…

/// In this shop, everything is high priced.

Babette flirted; the clerk was enticed.

Jean-Claude feigned jealous rage

and this ruse set the stage

for Maman then to pull off the heist.

“Now, Milady – you grasp your opponent’s wrist thus, then with your other hand, you seize the seat of his pants, thus, and – Allez oop ! – you launch him unceremoniously into a heap. It’s an Eastern art called Jujitsu, I believe….

To a girl with a shred of sense

Who arouses desires intense

Your shrift will be short

In today’s “supreme” Court

So you’d better learn unarmed defense

It’s the age of the Roberta Court

Where two predators daily disport

Themselves, making decisions

After “biblical visions” -

So ABSTAIN- lest you have to abort…

But Elizabeth there’s nothing going on. This woman is just a ‘Friend’ of the family and enjoys following us around.

For some years now I have frequently home absurdly affluent Orlando suburb where Lambos abound. German cars are the rule rule, and the impoverished drive LexibusOr whatever the plural of Lexus is. Rolls Royce or not uncommon. Herewith,”Baldwin Park”:

through seas of BMW’s

/and now and then the random Rolls/

a skinny blonde at the controls/

swans grandly past in silent splendor/

With Bentley it’s a top contender ..

But who. Pray, is that sad old man

Proceeding in his aging van ?

You’ll never ask -I’ll never tell..

Although of course you know him well

Tis shabby “Call me Ishmael “….

this is our top of the line model, all the bells and whistles, including a mute switch for the drive home after shopping at the mall…

I can’t get past yesterday’s painting. Buckle my collar and call me Sparky.

“Mother….Please keep your comments to yourself. I want nothing but the very best, and the only thing that will do is a Jane Seymour Open Heart Ring! I want our wedding day to be perfect!”

" It’s an hour wait for a table. You can wait in the bar."

“But dear, it really is a diamond..not a cubic zirconia.”

When you said let’s go to Tiffany’s, I thought we were having breakfast.

“Isildur’s Bane? How sweet!”

Please try it on. I hear mini skirts are the hottest new fashion.

M. LeFraud, the jeweler, was delighted that these two vain and stupid people and their equally arrogant chaperone, couldn’t tell a genuine diamond from a zircon or 18K gold from plate.

“My credit card, declined?! The sheer effrontery of it all!”

“I’m sorry, Madame, but they no longer make replacement parts for the 1687 Wuppermann.”

“Don’t worry, dear. The pawn shop owner will take good care of you until I’m in a position to buy you back. And don’t worry about me – your sister here will take very good care of me until then.”

“Madame, I clearly saw you shoplifting through the one-way mirror in the corner behind us. Now open your palm and let me see what you’ve taken, or we will have to have our in-house duenna here strip search you.”

Are these the same ladies from yesterday’s painting, 20 years later?

Choosing the Ring: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jean_Carolus,_Choosing_the_Ring,_oil_on_canvas,_83_x_106.5_cm.jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this 1874 painting. File history has the strip coloration image.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2022/02/masterpiece-2872.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. So far 3 works, by this artist, have been used here. 

https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2022/02/01?comments=visible 

has the prior.

She does not want a big gaudy engagement ring. She wants a big gaudy wedding.

Her mother, watching this poncy popinjay, told her daughter, " Promise him anything, but give him our page!"

Duke Honie, fitting new wife with bed clothes, making sure there is a “entrance” in the rear. you know how he is?

/// She’d said, “Yes!” and he couldn’t be prouder.

They’d be wed, (if her father allowed her).

When he sold everything

just to purchase her ring,

his betrothed, like her wig, took a powder.

I knew we should have started at Wal-mart first!

Much to his dismay, unlike the jeweler, the minister didn’t offer a 90 day, money-back guarantee.

I can’t put this thought into a limerick. Those clothes were beautiful but I prefer my jeans, turtleneck shirt and sweater. Much more freedom of movement.