Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for September 09, 2021

“Believe me, it’s Séancific.”

The sad thing is her guesses are better than all those expensive experts.

The company head needs to keep a certain level of plausible deniability for when the illegal activities reach a level that forces the feds to pretend to care. Besides, no one wants to watch Bob pull something out of his posterior.

Nancy Reagan in the board room.

A Ouija board is more accurate. That’s how I make my stock picks and presidential vote selection

My quarterly projection: It will soon land on heads. Later on, it will land on tails.

That’s actually a great idea. If the projection works, Bob gets a big fat bonus. If it doesn’t work, they just claim that the seer is wacky

Maybe doesn’t WANT to, but he really NEEDS to know…

Let’s see if he’s right first.

Basically how one of my old bosses did it.

Then, when projections exceeded my expectations as the product manager but fell short of his psychic powers as manager, he sold the division for 20 cents for every dollar invested.

Now, 25 years later, the division’s sales and value are each over 1000 times the sales/value at the time of sale.

Happy ending: my personal PHB couldn’t worm his way back to the mother ship and was fired by the very corporate overlords he had brought in, the week after the sale closed.

Whatever works.

What’s the matter – don’t they always do it that way??

It’s only because after the second dart to the butt, Bob’s wife made him take down the “Dart Board of Projection”.

Magic 8 Balls give quicker responses, are user friendly, and are more portable.

I see…I see…I see my reflection.

I have used monkeys and a dart board before, but the monkeys have since died and I could never get them to hit the board or stop throwing the darts at each other.

That’s the same technique that FAUX Noise uses to write their “Headlines”… and where the GQP gets their polling numbers!

Looks like Bob couldn’t get the same quarterly projection answer twice.

He forgot the burning incense, the ashes from a bit of mental stimulant, and the trace of white powder under his nostrils. Can’t see the future without those.

It’s as good as any other way if you have good accountants and poor accounting practices.

The more accurate crystal balls are covered in black smoke

My father was responsible for yearly economic predictions at his accounting company and had a reputation for uncanny accuracy. At his retirement party, he really did pull out a crystal ball to explain how he arrived at his figures.

He actually collected all government and bank predictions and averaged them. Boring but almost always correct.

It doesn’t really matter how he does it as long as they’re reasonably accurate.

There must be some truth there.

Quite frankly, I would trust tarot cards, crystal balls, tea leaves, phone-in psychics, astrology charts, or the entrails of a chicken more than I’d trust FOX news. I realize, of course, that’s not saying much. . . .

Thanks to the pandemic and endless zoom meetings, 40 pounds of snacks have been added to my waistline.

Better this way than asking Lou Dobbs.

Poor people are focused on where their next meal is coming from.

Business is focused on the next quarterly report.

Sports are focused on the end of the current season.

Politicians are focused on the next election (typically <2 years off).

Religion is focused on eternity.

The only institution that’s really concerned with the middle term, where almost all of us will be spending almost all of our lives, is science.

Probably just as accurate as conventional financial forecasts…

As gooda method as any!

Years ago a reasonably respected media outlet had an ongoing feature where every year they had a chimp pick stocks by throwing darts. The chimp didn’t get rich but it did better than some market authorities and worse than others.

Instead of the crystal ball, I suspect the rest of the board uses the crystal decanters on the credenza to the right.

Shades of the 1920’s and 1980’s!

“All models are wrong. Some are useful.”

@EASTERN, So it was you then,? The one that caused the last four year fallacy attempt to “Modify” our Democrazy form of Gov’mint then ? Shame! Shame ! !

we always used entrails and rooster blood. It was messy but we got great results from it.