For Better or For Worse by Lynn Johnston for May 05, 2021

anything else the Richards siblings want from their parents?

Anything really important needs to be tagged for the sibling the parents want them to have before they die. What was left we grouped in similar value and desire and drew straws to decide who got what. Three items – 3 siblings.

I understand why Phil wants the pump organ because he is a professional musician and a school music teacher. I don’t know why Elly wants it aside from spiting Phil.

And the battle begins!

An old pump organ? A big piece of furniture they will never use that their kids will have to dispose of down the line because they won’t want it.

When my father-in-law was dying, he had made a list of all of his belongings, and who would get what (I was even listed: I got his record albums). He was in hospice when we went to visit him, and he decided that we should take our things while down there. My husband’s older sister went through the list, crossed her name off the things she didn’t want and added it to what she did. One was his camera collection, marked to go to my husband. When my FIL found out, he told us to grab the camera cases & bury them deep in our car before she could get to them.

After my in-laws died, the extended family got together and items were brought out in groups – jewelry, collectible dolls, Christmas ornaments, etc. Everyone picked their favorite piece. Surprisingly, there was only one item that two granddaughters wanted. They each stated their case for why it was important to them and mutually agreed who would get it.

EVERYBODY wants the pump organ. Until they get it and play it once. Then dust.

Phil is the musician. Elly will try playing it once, then it will sit gathering dust..

Uh oh. Sibling rivalry bubbling here? Parent rule in my house, if we argue over it we both lose it.

This is so timely. My wife and her parents just went through this. For months the dementia has set in, months of struggles to get her mother in the mood for moving. Background: this is in the US, we live in Canada, so her brother, Zoom and Hangouts has been the medium of communication. Both mom and dad will move into a single room with room for 2 people, so lots of space.

So the family has done the “what do you want,” everything is divided, boxed, sent to the nursing home, or stored in the brother’s house until we can travel there.

Its been 3 weeks now, her mom is “where are all my keepsakes from the top drawer of my dresser,” her father “where is that half done hobby I was doing.” Her mother, “I was kidnapped into this place! No one told me what was happening.” The brother owns the old house and as they were driving to the home, he was filling the dumpster.

Fortunately, the house was being prepped for auction and the brother lives almost next door. So most of the items were found.

It is likely it will cost more to move the organ 2,000 miles than they could buy an organ in better condition locally.

We have 2 pianos in the house and neither of us plays. The kids do but they are out on their own now. Yup, dust collectors…but they look good!

Lynn’s Comments:

In our case, there was no pump organ, but both of us wanted things that were full of childhood memories. I was happy to have my dad’s collection of First Nations art and my brother wanted things that had belonged to our grandfather. It’s great to see these things lovingly kept in our own homes now. I can’t imagine what folks go through when they lose their home to a fire or flood— family heirlooms connect you to your past and to your heritage. They are priceless.

actually my kids really don’t want any of our stuff. So most stuff of any value is getting given away

I’ve spoken of this previously, but when my Oma died last year, my cousins raided her house and took most of the furniture for their children. Fast forward to this year, and I’ve recently discovered that most of that furniture was sold in a yard sale that my cousins’ children orchestrated. I was livid when I found out. I had always wanted the big, old dining room table and chairs (seating for 12 with 2 “leaves” and made of mahogany) and the china cabinet (also mahogany). I was told that the “kids thought that stuff was too old” and used the money they received from the sale to purchase “better” things from a big box store.

I got my great-grandmothers Hammond organ. It had gone to one of her niece’s when she died, and then when that niece didn’t want it anymore (downsizing, and that thing was massive), it went to my mother, and then when my mom didn’t want it anymore, it went to me. Eventually, when I was preparing to move house, I decided I didn’t want it anymore either and asked around in the family — it had been long enough that now nobody wanted it anymore and I ended up giving it away to a stranger.

Phil and Elly both want the pump organ now, because of nostalgia, but whoever gets it (I’ve read this before, but I don’t remember how it turns out), they’ll probably regret fighting for it eventually. ;-)

I wish my kids would come and unload some of the junk in my house.

I sense a major ‘Rock Paper Scissors’ match in the making.

What is a pump organ?

Odds are 4 to 1 that Elly gets it.

Phil just wants A CIGARETTE!

My MIL and FIL left nothing of value. DH’s family had an auction at the house, and hardly anything sold. The auction company lost money and were sorry they ever came. The last of the stuff was grouped together and sold for a dollar. It was embarrassing. A lot of our things we love in our lifetime, no one else will love. The family each took something sentimental. I don’t think DH took a thing, nor did I.

I’d say Ellie is lucky. Both sets of my grandparents were poor-ish. And were lucky to have basics, let alone anything that could have sentimental value. So when they died neither my parents nor their siblings really wanted anything. As my Dad once said, “That stuff was old and worn when I was young.”

Perhaps I am unique … but I hate these conversations. They just make my skin crawl. It is one of the few things in life I am willing to put off until I have to have the conversation. At which point – there just isn’t anything like that which means enough to me to fight over with my siblings or worse, my in laws.

Draw straws. My mom left everything to the one boy, nothing to the five girls. She thought boys were more valuable. Be glad you’re thought of.

As a matter of fact, I did get the pump organ.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone! Signed “El E” Patterson

Uh oh! I see a storm a brewing. Lets hope the house be in one piece when the sibling done claiming what’s theirs. BEFORE the siblings put their parents in early grave. I think they should have a yard sale and split the money in half. Watch for a Tornado Watch.

They could share the organ; Phil pumps while Elly plays.

Phil is the musician. He should get the pump organ.Let Elly at anything else.

Stay tuned. This turns out well, but the journey is fun.

I just noticed how much Michael looks like his uncle.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3a/ff/b9/3affb9c689bfb0dcd628492c66cf0c03.jpg

cue the dark ambient music with discordant overtones on the pump organ

My sisters and I fought over our mother’s stuff. “I don’t want it! You take it!” “Not me, give it to her!” They kept trying to give me stuff I didn’t want. When we finished, and were going home, I left most of it there. I’ve got enough junk of my own, and mom and I had no interests in common.

now you can’t give pump organs or pianos away

Can they both play the pump organ?