The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for April 07, 2020

Eulogy: “It’s easy to grin, when your ship comes in, and you’ve got the stock market beat. But the fish worthwhile, Is the fish who can smile, When his tail is too tight in the seat.”

“Go ahead and flush, Pookie.”

I thought the purpose for flushing a fish was to send it back to the ocean.

Why don’t any of them have those bugged-out eyes?

Be like Dad

And not like Sis

Raise the lid

Before you …

And which way do you want the toilet paper?

So if he wanted to be cremated it would be known as a fish fry?

Does that come with a bidet?

Closed lid, please!

it’s an opened and shut case!

These days, the premium coffin is to wrap the fish in TP first.

Plumbing the depths of their despair…

‘Burial at Sea’?

“Stop carping and don’t be koi.”

Is it a good flush? It’s so sad when they pop back up and you have to flush them 15 times.

The tissues on his desk are wet-wipes, either ™ or generic.

I’m in to Viking funerals. I wrap Goldie in some toilet paper, set it on fire, then flush.

I prefer it with some chips.

And which way should the TP be rolled?

Those funeral home directors are so sensitive…

Or if you are a little avant guard a ceremony can be arranged for him to be swallowed at Tau kappa Epsilon pledge week.

You will get caught in the city filter/ trap like those wipes that get flushed.

The cheapest plan involves the cat food factory.

Flush with grey water.

Remember, if you place a discarded toilet out by the curb to be hauled away, put the seat DOWN.

Similar to open or closed casket?

“Well, our grandfather was the king of poker, so we’d like the “royal flush” for him."

Good one : )