Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for October 08, 2022

I arranged for you to live 120 years and you don’t have time for more commandments?

Back when I was a history major, I was privileged to see a draft copy of the 10 Commandments, with pencilled notations in God’s own handwriting in the margins. Seems the Big Guy was undecided until the very last moment whether to go with “Thou shalt treat women and dark-skinned people as equals.” but finally decided to devote that particular slot to the vexatious and insidious problem of graven images.

And he moseys away.

I still prefer Mel Brooks’ reason for there being only 10 commandments.

And I only have two hands, in case You didn’t notice.

Moses, as sacred as he may have been – telling God that enough is enough?? Very brave Moses, whoever you may have been …

Mel Brooks did it better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wunGF3oMA0

The American prayer for patience, Dear God, I want patience….and I want it right now!!

I have no problem with there being on ten commandments. My problem is why, next to love for God, are there two commandments about property? There is a reason and most don’t know it.

This is an old joke and it used stereotypes, so I apologize in advance.

God was looking for a chosen people, so he called upon the societies of the Earth.

First were the Spartans. He told them “Accept my commandments and be my chosen people.” They replied, “Like what?” God said, “Thou shalt not kill.” They replied, “We are a warrior society. We cannot do this.”

Next were the Canaanites. When God told them, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” they responded, “We are a fertility cult. We cannot do this.”

To the Bedouins God said, “Thou shalt not steal. They replied, “We make a living ambushing caravans. We cannot do this.”

Finally, God found Moses, “Accept my commandments,” he offered. Moses said, “How much do they cost?” God said, “They are free.” Moses said “Good, I’ll take 10.”

If you’re bored, keep reading ‘the book’. Leviticus and Deuteronomy have a couple more rules and regulations to add to the first 10. There are over 400 commandments.

XI: Thou shalt forsake presidential candidates whose name rhymes with frump. PS, add their obnoxious children to the list of the forsaken.

“But wait, there’s more.” ~Steve Jobs

The Parable of the Good Samaritan, Luke 10:26 “What is written in the Law?” Jesus replied. “How do you read it?” 27 The man answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 28“You have answered correctly,” Jesus said.

Because Moses dropped the third tablet

They were out of shopping carts so he could only handle 2.

There should have been fewer. It took Christ to bring the simple word of “Love one another,” which covers them all.

Which is still too complicated for people.

Patience is often highly overrated. . .

Another old one…

Moses: “Lord, all those people are driving me nuts – I have such a headache!”

God: “Take these two tablets and call me in the morning.”

if you try to assign god a gender, then you don’t know god.

Moses was in a hurry to get back down the mountain to admonish and punish the children of Israel for making the golden calf idol and worshiping it as the god who had freed them from the Egyptians.

Another forgotten commandment: “Don’t dwell on the smiting stories.”

The last 7 are just common sense, the first three are about god showing his vanity..

Plus those tablets are heavy!

Why would the commandments be marked with Roman numerals?Just asking questions.

I have wonder that myself!

The one all forget is not to bear false witness against thy neighbor…..tell that to the orange faced buffoon and his followers.

Sheesh. I think I have been pretty patient. I mean, when are people gonna actually follow these “commandments?” I’d be happy if they’d just follow the Golden Rule.”

TL,DR

Moses addressing the flock; “I have some good news and some bad news. First the good news; I talked to the Lord and was able to get him down to just 10 Commandments. Just 10. The bad news; Adultery still made the list”.

I prefer the Mel Brooks explanation.

The is no god. The bible is a 2,000 year old SYFY story at two cents a word created to keep the IGNORANT masses in check. Taken whole from civilizations that came before. Many rebrandings of the same old tired story. It hurts to think I know, but try it every once in a while. You just might like it.

Even ten is two many. We can’t even follow the golden rule.

I liked Mel Brooks version better

So that’s why they spend all those years in the desert…

Should have brought Aaron along to carry the third tablet.

You really don’t have more time – they’re busy violating the first couple of those commandments as you speak.

See George Carlin

Moses "I present to you these 15. . . " crash " 10! 10 commandments!"