Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for January 28, 2022

Alright; I admit it, Ripplers – I’m out of fresh jokes, and I’ve had to go to…yes, the Tom Swiftie Challenge:

“Take the prisoner downstairs,” said Tom, condescendingly.

“Pheasant for supper again?” Tom groused.

“They cut out my left ventricle!” said Tom, half-heartedly.

…anyone else for the game?

+1

One time I was producing 300 million one eggs.

One time I was 42%.

There are schools to learn how to be like the dude who passed away in 1876 either 39 or 40 years after being responsible for the death of the legendary Dave Crockett?

May the Lord be with you.

Groovy.

Sunfish are also infamously bad at surviving, being relatively slow, clumsy swimmers with their main natural defense being how unpleasant and inconvenient they are to eat, and how much of their body can get eaten without immediately killing them.

300,000,000 eggs sounds like a good population surplus in order to prevent overfishing and for sunfish for becoming extinct

Adele has fixed it so that all of her albums will be titled after her age at release date. Therefore, with any luck, it may be possible to buy “78” in the future. Unfortunately, I’ll be dead.

There’s getting to be such a library of jokes we’ve all found and contributed that I can only hope that the ones I toss out for your approval haven’t been posted here recently. So let it be with the next one.

2 men go fishing, One has a stutter.

The man with a stutter says “shh ssshhh sshh”. The other man says “what is it, did you catch a fish”?

The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says “spit it out”. The stuttering man says “ssshhh ship!!”

Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.

Months later they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying “ssshhh”. The 2nd man starts panicking thinking he’s going to get hurt again. The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, and the stuttering man says “sshhh sshhh Shark!!”

Until next time.

Tried to explain that charge on the credit are from “Ho’s” was for Santa School.

A school that trains people to be Santa Claus? I remember once when my siblings and I were entertained by clowns, those clowns said they got their training at a clown college.

Adele who?

Final Exam… Fill in the blank “Ho Ho _____”

Making gender assumptions about those egg laying sunfish, aren’t you?

Take care, may woke activist Ralph “If It Seems Right It’s Wrong” Nadord be with you, and gesundheit.

What happens if you flunk out of Santa School? You have to resort to being a ho-ho-ho.

Who is adele?

I know this is a family comic, but does the male sunfish have the highest sperm count?

Hey! They started it!

I always get Adele and Gaga mixed up – I guess it’s because I don’t like either one of them.

Ocean Sun Fish were generically altered so humpback whales could have an omelet once in a while.

According to National Geographic, “The mola (ocean sunfish) are the heaviest of all the bony fish, with large specimens reaching 14 feet vertically and 10 feet horizontally and weighing nearly 5,000 pounds.”

Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Give a man an ocean sunfish and you feed him for a long time.

Are there any schools to teach you to impersonate another character? Maybe Elvis?

I played Santa for several years and never went to Santa school !was paid in booze!

Do we know how many male Ocean Sunfish drop dead from sexual exhaustion at the end of spawning season?

who is “adele”?

The school motto for the Santa School is, “Only if you believe!”

Canadian Temperature Scale:

+70 degreesTexans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes.+60 degreesNorth Carolinians try to turn on the heat.People in Canada plant gardens.+50 degreesCalifornians shiver uncontrollably.People in Canada sunbathe.+40 degreesItalian & English cars won’t start.People in Canada drive with the windows down.+32 degreesDistilled water freezes.Lake Superior’s water gets thicker.+20 degreesFloridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt.+15 degreesPhiladelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.0 degreesPeople in Miami all die…Canadians lick the flagpole.20 belowCalifornians fly away to Mexico.People in Canada get out their winter coats.40 belowHollywood disintegrates.The Girl Scouts in Canada are selling cookies door to door.60 belowPolar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.Canadian Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.80 belowMt. St. Helens freezes.People in Canada rent some videos.100 belowSanta Claus abandons the North Pole.Canadians get frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg.297 belowMicrobial life no longer survives on dairy products.Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands.460 belowALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).People in Canada start saying, “Eh, Cold ’nuff for ya?”500 belowHell freezes over.The Leafs win the Stanley Cup

I think it’s pretty impressive for a Santa Claus school to be founded in the Great Depression, and survive to this day.