Last Kiss by John Lustig for September 30, 2020

“Is it a stye? Or did a snake bite me in my sleep?” “Better make sure…”

Him: “I love the taste of your tears!”

Her: “So that’s why you had the garlic bagel with herring pickled in cream for breakfast!” or

Him: “I told you I like my women easy on the eyes!”

Her: “Oh ‘eyes’! I thought you said ‘thighs’! Cos I’m quite easy there.” or

Him: “When you said you’d give me the hairy eyeball, I wasn’t expecting it to be quite so hairy!”

Her: “Well, this is a ’70s porn reel after all.”

Editorial Comment: “Remember kids: When a Last Comic writer gets paid, an angel gets its wings. Which is why you see so many wingless angels out there.”

Him: Who needs a prize when I’ve got you, Carla??

Her: My name is Megan, and that’s the worst come-on I’ve ever heard!! I’d kick you in your dapper privates, except that neither of us exists “down there”.

Snarky comment: Tune in Friday, when he finds out that Megan used to be Steve, and has only started transitioning….

G.O.T.: Whew!! Pant, pant!! This is about the 14th version, and doesn’t even resemble the first one. This cartooning is hard work, and I didn’t even have to do the drawing. And yes, I do know that my “snarky comment” isn’t even a bit snarky, but it’s getting late, and I have to get up early tomorrow.

I think I have a fever,,,,,, YES I know I can feel it rising

Nurse: “That eye’s glass, and it’d better be there when you’re finished.”

Man (thinking): “Curses! She’s determined my stylish thievery technique.”

Comment: “And coming in at #60 in our countdown of Romance Comics That Never Caught On: ‘Prosthetic Larceny Passion’.”

He: “You’re so sad! Let me kiss your tears away.”

She: “I’m not sad, but I can still give you tears!”

Marvel’s Stan Lee had a “no prize” award for readers that would catch goofs in the comics. I’d say a fair number of editors got their first inspiration from that. Maybe a future comic writer will find that inspiration here as well.

He: “You’re so soft, I can feel you moving.”She: “Quit that! You’re sucking bubbles through my tear duct and it tickles!”Comment: “Tune in tomorrow to find out what else that tongue can do and what happened to her fake eyelashes!”

Him: “Yum! Banana cream pie flavored mascara. What will they think of next.”

Nurse: “I’ve always liked things kinky, but I didn’t expect this.”

Editorial comment: “It’ll be a kohl day in hell before he gets a second date.”

I got nothing…I just watched ‘highlights’ of the debate. Shell shock I guess.

Nurse thinking: “I’ve heard that John Lustig is a much better kisser. I would rather be with him.”

Him thinking: “I’ve heard that John Lustig is a much better kisser. I would rather be with him.”

Him; I love the taste of Mascara in the morning! HER ; You’ve ruined my Make-up you F#%king perverted ba@&%*@d ! Comment; He finds out She’s a domintrex in her spare time

Him: Got your ear.

Nurse: Got your privates.

Editor: Awww, I was going to use these!

“But, Nurse Apple, the Doctor said I should have one a day!”

Him: Oh Helen, your eyes are my third favorite parts I love to kiss.

Her: Don’t you mean Miriam, Moustache guy?

Peter Tibbles (in spite of that name above)

Dapper Dude; “I can do things things that you have never dreamed of”Nurse Naughty; “I don’t know…my last boyfriend really knew how to tongue my eyes out”Editor Snarky “Is Dapper Dude really the man of her dreams? Wait till next week when Hirsute Hank her old high school crush moves back to town!”

Him: I told you it would be a surprise!Her: You told me you would lick me like I’d never been licked before!snark(?): I got nothing.

“I like to start at the top and work my way down…”“I’m gonna start at the bottom and double you up!”“I’ll place the bed-pan to catch his fall!”

I wonder if there’s a drug he can ask his doctor about for that fetish?

Dude: The taste of blue eye shadow is such a turn on.Nurse: That’s not all that’s about to turn blueEditorial: Called in these comments but no one was home.

If I had any talent whatsoever, I would be writing instead of reading.

I love the taste of your mascara tonight. Pay no attention to the scalpel next to your genitals.A kiss on the eye is worth two stones in the bush.

Dapper: Let me finger your lobes, just as you begged me to do. Nurse: Those aren’t the lobes I was referring to. Editor: Stay tuned next week when the nurse moves back to night shifts where the staff knows their anatomy.

Him: Nurse, I feel a pain in my groin.

Her: Is that an ascot you’re wearing or did the orderly give you a wedgie?

Next week: the hormone injections start.

Dude: “You are a fantastic kisser”

Nurse: “Maybe you should keep your eyes open when you kiss”

Dapper Dan missed his target as badly as I would’ve missed my deadline if I hadn’t dumped the writing on my readers."

Him: I’m an Ear, Eyes, and Throat Specialist

Her: Do you know any Urologists?

If you don’t stop slobbering all over my eyes, I’m going to give you a swift kick in the family jewels….

NURSE: Sir, it was just a prostate exam.HIM: Marry me!

Dapper: I live on tears, but I’m in a hurry, so I’ll lick your eyeballs instead.Nurse: This is what no foreplay gets you. (Wham! Dapper’s “private” pain makes him cry.)Editor: This contributor makes me cry.

Attempted social distance kissing in the Year of Covid-19 produced many awkward moments.

When I wrote this one, I just thought it was a funny gag. I never dreamed John would make an actual contest out of it. Or is he auditioning my replacement? Hey, it’s 2020. Anything’s possible.

Him: “John!”

Her: “Marsha!”

John [Last Kiss] Lustig: “Hey, ChessPirate, be serious!” ☺

Dapper: You wouldn’t want my finger trying to get that lash out of your eye would you?Nurse: I wasn’t expecting this much suction!Snark: Stay tuned – will this end well? Or will the nurse need attention from the handsome ophthalmologist down the hall?

“I know I’m a virgin, but I don’t think this is how it’s done.”

Her: Just because I’m a nurse and a nun doesn’t mean we can have fun. Him: Just because I’m a priest, it doesn’t mean your wife and my husband need to know about us.

I never imagined clinical testing of flavored eyelash adhesive could be so erotic…

You killed that rabbit !

“If your eyes are this good I wonder what the rest of you tastes like” – “I wouldn’t mind you trying to suck out my eyeball if you weren’t someone I bumped into in the hall”

“Oh boy, another person trying to channel Paul Lynde” – (You’re trying to make this hard on me, aren’t you John?)…

He: My mustache loves kissing your eyebrow! She: This isn’t what I thought you meant by “bumping uglies”!

him “Your name is Iris? How apropos!” her “I only have eyes for you!”

him “I’m just a sucker for blue eyes” her “No Tongue, No Tongue!”

Actually, I’ll just use the dialog from today’s classic “Skippy” comic.

He: “Let’s have enough cotton to fill two ears.”

She: “An earache?”

Editorial comment: “No, mama’s havin’ her club over tonight.”

https://www.gocomics.com/skippy/2020/09/30

him “Ummmmm licorice mascara!” her “It’s Anise, and I’m not THAT kind of girl!”

Him: “Here, behind the ears?”

Nurse: “Yes! Now scratch!”

DUDE: I love to lick something this round and firm and fully packed… and completely real!

NURSE: They’re real. And they’re spectacular. And they belong to the eye doctor who repaired them!

CAPTION: This isn’t the first time that a wet kiss wound up resulting in salty tears!

In the glory days of Marvel Comics, someone who spotted a problem in an episode (of Spider-Man, for example), but who could come up with a plausible cover story explaining why it really wasn’t a problem would get a Merry Marvel No-Prize.So, are you going to hand out the Lusty Lustig No-Prize?