Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers for February 06, 2020

The problem seems to be your lack of perception.

A splitting head ache, stabbing chest pains, and my back hurts.

Mr Summers has the ER practises down pat.

“I have a corn on my toe.”

The problem is is you seem to be blind.

Look up, nurse, and pretend you care.

He’s suffering from a terrorist attack.

“If you can’t tell, I am in the wrong hospital!”

My enemies are really determined.

I saw “1917” yesterday. Compared to that this guy is a picture of good health.

She needs to put her glasses on

Yeah…I think MOST hospitals are like that now…

I have several sharp pains.

Not a “problem”, exactly, but I’m still alive, and I don’t understand why.

Next she’ll ask him to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10 – see today’s ‘Bliss’.

Looks like a typical day where I used to work.

His joints are killing him, he needs to find friendlier bars to hang out in.

Not funny. At all. So: “What seems to be the point?”

It’s a sport injury.

I’m sorry, sir; but unless you’re having a heart attack, you’ll need to take a seat in the waiting room!

If I walked into my hometown ER like that, they’d accuse me of exaggerating my problem.

I thought he had been to a political rally.

An article in the New Yorker years and years ago was about a middle-aged bloke who paid a visit to a doctor—not, obviously, his regular one (if he had a regular one)—and when he entered the doctor’s office, the doctor was nonplussed by the fellow’s appearance: he was bright orange. Not like Trump, but a true reddish-orange. Doctor kept his composure, got the fellow seated, and discreetly asked what the trouble was.

“I have stomach pains”, the guy said.

(Spoiler alert: turned out the guy was a world-class consumer of tomato juice, and that the stomach pains were unrelated to that fact.)

My medieval re-enacting group got out of hand.

My wife is really mad at me…

The health care professional needs to have her eyes tested.

Battle Fatigue Syndrome