Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 31, 2019

Mine prefers lying on me, not the furniture.

Slap them with a writ of Habeas Corpus! Produce the chair.

When I invoke head-of-household privilege with my right boot, policy will change.

Impeach them and the wife too.

As I said two days ago, the order is: the cat(s), the wife, the children and then you.

Well being bigger and having opposable thumbs vetoes that sort of Executive Privilege. Then again there there is always the can opener nuclear option.

Mine does like to sleep on my chair. When we have a heart to heart, she knows to move.

Just shake the ‘treats’ bag and stand back. That chair will empty in a nanosecond.

Put a box on the floor. Cats love boxes. Situation resolved.

They wouldn’t be on the chair for long if I was there.

Just push the button on the power lift chair!

The Chinese eat cats.

Executive privilege only works for executives, while they are executives. Shoo them away.

My husband got an extra-wide easy chair so there was room for him and the dog. A cat occasionally sits there as well, but they mostly prefer my chair or sleeping with their noses in his shoes.

Sit down. They’ll move.

What a CATtrastophe

Or you could take your f___ing book and read some place else so that I can watch television.

Looks like my house, but with three dogs added to the mix.

Stew. The answer is cat stew.

…or target practice.

No, the real life application is the man brings out the broom or the vacuum cleaner.

Says the man: Broom? Vacuum Cleaner? What are those for?

Just once I’d like to see a subject in one of the wall-hangings! Or am I missing something that’s not there??

“We need a dog. Preferably, a large, hungry dog.”

Go ahead,and grab that pussy.Then gently set them on the floor ;)

The sound of the treat jar opening will take care of that problem.

Around here, Redrum the Killer Chihuahua growls. The cats ignore him, right until his BFF, Baroness Margaret Hilda the wolf arrives, which she always does when she hears Redrum growling. She doesn’t growl. She just looks at them. They move. Redrum ascends to his throne, making room for me. The Baroness lies down in front of Redrum’s throne. The cats keep walking until they’re in another room.

I can’t tell you how many Lifetime movies I’ve watched under that clause.

I would love to have that any kittys!!!

I stay in their good graces by thanking them for keeping my chair warm as I pick them up and give them kisses before setting them down lightly on the floor. So far, so good. It’s not easy being owned by cats.

cats are lazy!!!

Cats are our secret guardians from the Old Ones. Why do you think they seem to be looking into empty space? It is a dimensional aperture where an Old One’s probing tentacle is penetrating into our dimension. To cause a suicide or a heart attack or murderous insanity. Cat scratch fever is deadly to them. Dogs won’t help you, they are afraid of the Old Ones and cannot act. Why psychic detectives bring along both a cat and a dog. The dog will react negatively to the arcane energies, the cat will seek it out. At least that is how John Silent did his job.

that is my house for sure

Mine likes the wife’s chair best, then mine. If she gets evicted, she has been known to retaliate w/ a swat. I, being of an engineering mindset, evict her using my wooden back-scratcher: Don’t care if it gets swatted… and she seems to kind of enjoy getting a remote back scratch in the process.

This way, she gets to watch TV without the interruptions of his sniffs, snorts and belches.

They must be watching CAT NEWS!

“Executive privilege” in other words, "Possession is nine tenths … "

Use water, cats hate water. One little shot from the squirt gun and they scatter.

No, no, watching talk shows all day and half the night is executive TIME. Executive PRIVILEGE means telling your accomplices they’re not allowed to testify against you. You’re getting the terminology all wrong.

My house exactly. ’Cept the dogs do it.