Breaking News! Unnamed but reliable sources tell CNN+ that we’ll all be forced to read tomato soup cans by Russian oligarchs controlling all the world’s squirrels who want nothing more than to orchestrate a coup to try and topple your mama. And it all starts at noon tomorrow! Non-members must sign up to access the rest of the story.
There is a conspiracy theory that the government or someone is trying to create a food shortage by causing food processing plants to close via fires or other damage. This because something like 20 of them have had incidents over about six, eight months.
But it falls apart when you find out that A: there’s over 36,000 such plants in the US (you could blow one up every day for a year and only get 1% of them), B: some of the plants they list are already open again (and one never shut down at all) and C: some on their list aren’t even food plants. For instance a corn processing plant had an explosion the other day… turns out they processed corn for ethanol.
There’s more, but some people just want to be in a panic or something and you can’t get through to them. The same people insist there’s a great conspiracy of pedos grooming kids to become gay …. adults?
People are quick to label anything they don’t agree with as being a conspiracy theory. Just as with science, some theories are pure rot but many are very true. Don’t be too quick to dismiss something just because it goes against your grain.
Don’t take Rat’s method seriously – it is useful only as a guide for beginners. It is a very weak process that can only produce 256 distinct theories. With imagination and practice, the possibilities are endless. Learn from the professionals in the media.
I get a good laugh out of the programs in which the people try so very hard to find proof that aliens did this or that. They always preface their findings with something like, “Could it be that…?” or “It’s possible that…?” Then, at the end of the program, their summation is usually “While we didn’t find definite proof, we wonder if…” LOL!
“Members of a shadow US government now control tomato soup cans and that’s just the beginning.” Ok, so I was just at the grocery store, and you guys aren’t gonna believe this, but…
I couldn’t help myself … I built a randomizer in Excel and put the phrases in it with a button to update … (Stephan, if you want me to send it to you, just let me know).
Russian Oligarchs now control all the world’s squirrels and it starts at noon tomorrow!
Technology Companies now control your mama and that’s just the beginning!
Space Aliens Living in Roswell are orchestrating a coup to try and topple your mama and we’ll all be forced to read more ‘pearls before swine’ comics.
So you are telling me… Space Aliens Living In Roswell do not Control All The World’s Squirrels and we are not going to be Forced To Read More Pearls Before Swine’ Comics?
That’s a relief… And that is what THEY want me to think! In that case, I am more of in their control than my own!
Russian oligarchs are collecting data on all the world’s squirrels and that’s just the beginning! Somehow with everything going on over the last few years this doesn’t seem so far-fetched.
Members of a shadow US government are orchestrating a coup to try and topple tomato soup cans and we’ll all be forced to read pearls before swine comics
BE THIS GUY about 2 years ago
I’m hiding my tomato soup cans.
hariseldon59 about 2 years ago
Watch out for those squirrels.
Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member about 2 years ago
Hands off my mama!
willispate about 2 years ago
Tomato Soup Cans?! All The World’s Squirrels?! LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY
Concretionist about 2 years ago
FAR too consistent with reality to attract REAL conspiracy theorists.
Bilan about 2 years ago
Panel A is missing the Conspiracy Theorists’ main target, Nancy Pelosi.
Alexander the Good Enough about 2 years ago
Not funny. Not funny one bit. Much too real…
Cornelius Noodleman about 2 years ago
I think there’s a conspiracy to steal all my candy!
Farside99 about 2 years ago
Breaking News! Unnamed but reliable sources tell CNN+ that we’ll all be forced to read tomato soup cans by Russian oligarchs controlling all the world’s squirrels who want nothing more than to orchestrate a coup to try and topple your mama. And it all starts at noon tomorrow! Non-members must sign up to access the rest of the story.
smartty cat about 2 years ago
perhaps America’s greatest threat, is the social media control of the internet.
nicka93 about 2 years ago
Just when I though it was safe to go back on public media, they post an idiots version that anyone can follow.
KenTheCoffinDweller about 2 years ago
Space Aliens living in Roswell are Orchestrating a Coup to topple Tomato Soup Cans and we’ll all be forced to read more ‘Pearls before Swine’ comics.
sirbadger about 2 years ago
What about people who are secretly not dead?
El-Kabong about 2 years ago
That frightening option isn’t really comical.
Denver Reader Premium Member about 2 years ago
Technology companies want nothing more than to destroy our way of life and we’ll all be forced to read more Pearls before Swine comics.
Qiset about 2 years ago
Gonna save a lot of time.
Imagine about 2 years ago
Finally. Now we know the source of all those conspiracy theories: PBS.
some idiot from R'lyeh Premium Member about 2 years ago
I’m reminded of the old Steve Jackson game Illuminati, where you could prove that for example the Boy Scouts controlled the Bilderbergers.
juicebruce about 2 years ago
Good Party Pastis but no Whiskey (Or Crocs) we go home ;-)
MihailElminar about 2 years ago
DevOps applied to conspiracy theories.
pontiac59 about 2 years ago
There is a conspiracy theory that the government or someone is trying to create a food shortage by causing food processing plants to close via fires or other damage. This because something like 20 of them have had incidents over about six, eight months.
But it falls apart when you find out that A: there’s over 36,000 such plants in the US (you could blow one up every day for a year and only get 1% of them), B: some of the plants they list are already open again (and one never shut down at all) and C: some on their list aren’t even food plants. For instance a corn processing plant had an explosion the other day… turns out they processed corn for ethanol.
There’s more, but some people just want to be in a panic or something and you can’t get through to them. The same people insist there’s a great conspiracy of pedos grooming kids to become gay …. adults?
SALUDADOG about 2 years ago
Rat has a gravity defying pencil BELOW his ear! Looks like the space aliens are a top option.
Ellis97 about 2 years ago
The internet is a powerful muse.
cmerb about 2 years ago
I just love the " RAT " in the glasses and his tie : )
YippiKiAyMofo about 2 years ago
Awww, squirrels are cool. Curse those Roswell aliens for wanting to destroy them all tomorrow at noon.
cornshell about 2 years ago
Which is apparently the whole point of “Truth Social”. Anything anyone posts automatically becomes a “truth”.
BlueNAL about 2 years ago
Here you go: https://dissentpins.com/products/conspiracy-theory-kit
Uninspired Artist about 2 years ago
Don’t target all of the squirrels like that!
iggyman about 2 years ago
Last panel, Rat sort of makes a point, everything online is suspect , lots of total untruths there!
Serial Pedant about 2 years ago
and the Washington Times, Onan(sp?), Trump Social, NY Post…
Gameguy49 Premium Member about 2 years ago
People are quick to label anything they don’t agree with as being a conspiracy theory. Just as with science, some theories are pure rot but many are very true. Don’t be too quick to dismiss something just because it goes against your grain.
retjeff about 2 years ago
No, that’s CNN at it’s finest.
LKrueger41 about 2 years ago
Don’t take Rat’s method seriously – it is useful only as a guide for beginners. It is a very weak process that can only produce 256 distinct theories. With imagination and practice, the possibilities are endless. Learn from the professionals in the media.
MS72 about 2 years ago
No kidding! Comics Kingdom is trying to force me to get a PREMIUM SUBSCRIPTION. Not in my lifetime!
Goat from PBS about 2 years ago
Technology companies want nothing more than to destroy tomato soup cans. Well, at least the “we’re all gonna die” bit is accurate.
PoodleGroomer about 2 years ago
You die only if you are lucky.
Masterskrain Premium Member about 2 years ago
I remember MAD Magazine doing something very similar years ago with several “All Purpose” fill in the blank speeches.
WCraft Premium Member about 2 years ago
A2, B3, C1, and D2. Clears that up.
TheBigPickle about 2 years ago
Unfortunately many of the Conspiracy Theories are becoming Conspiracy Facts. Panel ‘A’, Option 1, Panel ‘B’, All 4 Options, Panel ‘C’, Option 1, Panel ‘D’, Option 1.
bunrabbit99 about 2 years ago
stephan, you forgot fox’s favorite – illegal aliens that aren’t from space!
richdell about 2 years ago
I just ruined my monitor trying to cut out the options. :(
theincrediblebulk about 2 years ago
All I can come up with from those sets of options are true facts. How can any of those be conspiracy theories?
GATORx81 about 2 years ago
Best strip since “Dunk rye for me Arch and Tina!”
tripwire45 about 2 years ago
You missed how Elon Musk and the Supreme Court were creating this slippery slope.
mfrasca about 2 years ago
Welcome to Night Vale’s plot algorithm?
rmfrye Premium Member about 2 years ago
Nailed it!
willie_mctell about 2 years ago
Wait are we limited to only one option per box?
rorie about 2 years ago
Rat is so cute with his tie, spectacles, and pencil while poor Pig’s eyeballs will soon bounce across the table!
confirmrobert3 about 2 years ago
Take A1, B2, and C3. change squirrel to bird and you have “Birds Aren’t Real.”
Algolei I about 2 years ago
They’ll never topple my mama, she’s too bottom-heavy.
Skippy the Magnificent about 2 years ago
At least FOX admits their evening shows are opinion.
sisterea about 2 years ago
A-4 B-2 C-3 D-1
RaulMartinez about 2 years ago
Did they have the internet when someone imagined the Big Bang theory?
Robert Wilson Premium Member about 2 years ago
Conspiracy “proofs” are extremely fungible!
zeexenon about 2 years ago
The U.S. has invented a spray that makes all blood types incompatible.
raybarb44 about 2 years ago
Cute……
Andrew Bosch Premium Member about 2 years ago
The “our way of life” option is often used as a justification for racial prejudice.
bookworm0812 about 2 years ago
Space aliens living in Roswell are collecting data on all the world’s squirrels. And that’s just the beginning!
Lablubber about 2 years ago
And if you’re reading this comic, it’s already too late.
AndrewSihler about 2 years ago
Where does JFK Jr fit in to all this?
Lola85 Premium Member about 2 years ago
I get a good laugh out of the programs in which the people try so very hard to find proof that aliens did this or that. They always preface their findings with something like, “Could it be that…?” or “It’s possible that…?” Then, at the end of the program, their summation is usually “While we didn’t find definite proof, we wonder if…” LOL!
Ogmeister about 2 years ago
“Members of a shadow US government now control tomato soup cans and that’s just the beginning.” Ok, so I was just at the grocery store, and you guys aren’t gonna believe this, but…
freshmeet2030 about 2 years ago
I couldn’t help myself … I built a randomizer in Excel and put the phrases in it with a button to update … (Stephan, if you want me to send it to you, just let me know).
Russian Oligarchs now control all the world’s squirrels and it starts at noon tomorrow!
Technology Companies now control your mama and that’s just the beginning!
Space Aliens Living in Roswell are orchestrating a coup to try and topple your mama and we’ll all be forced to read more ‘pearls before swine’ comics.
253 more of them to go …
braindead Premium Member about 2 years ago
I ver MEC tin! clap,clap clap,clap,clap!
Repeat 10 times.
pamela welch Premium Member about 2 years ago
Very Clever!
JPuzzleWhiz about 2 years ago
Sorry, Stephan Pastis — but MAD Magazine beat you to the concept 40 years ago:
https://readcomiconline.li/Comic/MAD/Issue-153?id=72889#26
txmystic about 2 years ago
This would be great on kitchen magnets…
…or dare I say…“MAGAnets”?
…heh heh…
sciencedoc about 2 years ago
Space aliens living in Roswell are collecting data on our way of life and it starts at noon tomorrow.
Members of a shadow US Government want nothing more than to destroy tomato soup cans and we’ll all be forced to read more Pearls before Swine comics.
Not sure which die rolls I like better
NavalHistorian about 2 years ago
When did Rat start wearing reading glasses?
MFRXIM Premium Member about 2 years ago
So many good choices!
mikeywilly about 2 years ago
Yeah, but, I understand they use a dartboard blindfolded! Yes, the dartboard is blindfollded!( Sheesh! )
Sisyphos about 2 years ago
Thanks a heap for cheering up my grungy day, Cartoon-Boy! [heavy sarcasm]
May a flea fly up your nose and lay eggs in your sinus!
DaBump Premium Member about 2 years ago
Something for everyone! I love it!
comicalstart about 2 years ago
Episode 200
StarBeak about 2 years ago
So you are telling me… Space Aliens Living In Roswell do not Control All The World’s Squirrels and we are not going to be Forced To Read More Pearls Before Swine’ Comics?
That’s a relief… And that is what THEY want me to think! In that case, I am more of in their control than my own!
BlueIris Premium Member about 2 years ago
OK, I understand why my local paper didn’t publish this one and ran an innocuous re-run instead!
Nobody_Important about 2 years ago
Russian oligarchs are collecting data on all the world’s squirrels and that’s just the beginning! Somehow with everything going on over the last few years this doesn’t seem so far-fetched.
Mycroft holmes about 2 years ago
256 different conspiracies
Bubble about 2 years ago
using random number generator i got:
Members of a shadow US government are orchestrating a coup to try and topple tomato soup cans and we’ll all be forced to read pearls before swine comics
_lounger_ about 2 years ago
AHA! See, aliens are living in Roswell…
JukeJoint Jacks about 2 years ago
I get all my headlines and news from The Onion.
JukeJoint Jacks about 2 years ago
And btw, Mark Twain while away on sabbatical, learned to draw, and came back to Earth in 1999 reincarnated as Stephan Pastis
Darque Hellmutt about 2 years ago
A-4, B-3, C-2 and D-1 make the most sense to me.
198.23.5.11 about 2 years ago
2-1-3-1.
198.23.5.11 about 2 years ago
Actor Fred Ward died recently.Starred in REMO WILLIAMS:THE ADVENTURE BEGINS.Actually,the adventure never got started.
Famous line from Joel Grey(as a martial arts guru)
“You move like a pregnant yak!!”
AndreasMartin about 2 years ago
In short: ‘What I see is an illusion. What I can’t see is reality.’ Sounds like a religion to me.
tent163phantoka about 2 years ago
I’m tempted to post one of the combos on r/conspiracy just to see what happens.
paulvernon about 2 years ago
256 different conspiracy theories
RobertPerlberg about 2 years ago
I’ve created an application that generates conspiracy theories. http://robertperlberg.com/pearls_conspiracy