The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for March 31, 2024

How was he able to punch in all the numbers?

You will need his medical hisss-tory!

The one that got away from Homer .

C’mon, let’s wrap this up. I’ve got a coil waiting.

But he wants help! Refer him to a 12-slither program.

Remember the author Barbara Johnson? Her suggestion was a one-step program: “WHAM! Get over it.”

Is he addicted to Fangtanyl? If so, they can still straighten him out.

Boaz needed a program that is less constrictive.

Please tell us how badly you’re addicted, on a scale of 1 to 10.

Help! I am so bad off, pretty soon I won’t have a pit to hiss in!

As the Steve McCroskey character in the Airplane! movie might have said: “Looks like he picked the wrong week to quit…”

Just tell it to scale it back.

“ Petey, if you must hiss in a pit, don’t hiss in my pit; go to your own pitand hiss."

Like alcoholics, once a snake always a snake.

Well, fangs a lot. I’m gonna’ rattle someone’s cage about this!

He’s addicted to pssssychedelic pssssiloccccybin, also known as mushrooms.

How about a 12 slither program?

The snake is trying to scale the program.

He’s got a serious adderiction.

He’s got a serious adderiction.

And, POOF, his Fairy God Mother turned him into a lizard.

One time there were 13 steps.

Maybe the adduction clinic?

Why cats will never join a 12-step program:

Step 1: I acknowledge the existence of a higher authority.

They better find what he wants or he may have a hissy fit.

Ever hear of a 12-bites program?

blatant snakism