In 5th Grade I told my Principal, in front of my whole class, to “go teach his grandmother to suck eggs.” I had heard it on a cowboy show and thought it was hilarious. My ADHD thought it might be a good thing to say in the moment.
The day I accidentally kicked Mr. Jobst in the eye was during our PE time in the gym. We had these bamboo/cane sticks that we were holding close to the floor. We were expected to jump in and out of them as two people held the sticks and made them open and shut, open and shut, open and shut. Mr. Jobst showed up and decided to participate. It was my turn when he took hold of his end of those cane sticks. I don’t know what happened exactly, but I somehow donkey-kicked him in the eye. I remember he had a big black eye the next day. I didn’t get in trouble, of course, because it was an accident… but Mr. Jobst never came to visit any PE classes at Pleasant Valley Elementary School again (as far as I know.)
Ooooohell Henry Ford, and that there Model T & A, big kids movie kiss away and show naked t and a. The kids that needed help in shelter, and teacher’s had war motor cars. The after world.
I was a quiet, well-behaved little boy; the nuns all appreciated my lack of trouble. Except in the third grade, we had a teacher all the older kids called “Jungles,” which I never quite understood, but appreciated just the same. She would pull a surprise inspection where everybody had to open their desks up so she could check the neatness of lack thereof. (Oh, how I wished we had those old-fashioned wooden ones with the stationary tops.) Anyway, I was quiet but neat I was not, and she took one look and reached in and grabbed all the materials in there, books, pads, binders, pencils, glue, and loose papers and threw them around the room so that I had to go and retrieve everything and put them — neatly — back in my desk.
I also had her for fourth grade, but she never pulled that sh!t again on me or anybody else. Weird.
i punched my 8th grade nun while defending myself from an attack by a bullying classmate. She didn’t seem to notice that as she dragged the other kid out of the cloakroom. Thanks, Sr. Elaine Marie!
As long as we’re on the subject of embarrassing episodes in school …
I wrote an essay in the 3rd grade about how my family was going to sell our house in Connecticut and move to Texiass ( my exact spelling ).
One of the kids told her father, who was in real estate, and he immediately called my very perplexed father to get the listing. I seem to recall there were many other inquiries about our impending move, as well. My folks were not amused.
When I was in the 6th grade I knew there was some things about girls I liked but I hadn’t quite figured out what they were. If I had tried to make a list of the things I liked, and “donkey-kicks principal in the eye” had come to mind, I’m sure it would have made the top 5.
I didn’t get ‘angelic’ either but in Grade 2, my teacher called me a ‘real angel’. So I walked around the rest of the day convinced (and a little freaked out) that I was an actual angel. Then it all went away when I kicked my principal in the eye.
Up above, Imagine asked, “Who is this Teresa…?” I presume most of us assume that it is our own Sister Teresa of Perpetual Lameness. But can we also blithely assume that this is all “true confessions”? Or is this the polished apple, the embellished history? And what about the sidebar? Is the old report card with the neat cursive “for real,” or simulated? So many questions; it seems I have become too suspicious despite the general air of Innocence here (did I really just say that?!)….
Jonathan Lemon creator 8 months ago
I wanna hear more about these “extras”.
tudza Premium Member 8 months ago
There may be a reason for skipping angelic. Seems like a nice kid. Watch her like a hawk.
Say What Now‽ Premium Member 8 months ago
“accidentally” – riiight.
Imagine 8 months ago
It’s OK. No conference was requested.
This time.
The Old Wolf 8 months ago
In 5th Grade I told my Principal, in front of my whole class, to “go teach his grandmother to suck eggs.” I had heard it on a cowboy show and thought it was hilarious. My ADHD thought it might be a good thing to say in the moment.
It was not.
3hourtour Premium Member 8 months ago
…true story…
…in third grade…
…Mrs. Loper’s class…
…I had an arch-enemy…
…Mike Arbaugh…
…in the summer before school started he moved into our neighborhood…
…he met up with my brothers …
…all on bikes…
…and said he had a Playboy and he would go get it to show us…
…my brother’s soon got bored waiting and left…
…but I waited…
…and waited…
…but he never returned…
…fast forward to the first day of school…
…low and behold he was in my class…
…hey, I said…
..I know you…
…you’re the guy that said he had a Playboy…
…I never met you before in my life…
…Mike rebutted…
…oh…
…it was on…
…another flash forward…
…I was playing tether ball against Agnes O’Neil…
…not only was she good…
…she was big…
…it was hard to get the ball by her…
…Mike shouted…
…hurry up- other people wasn’t to play…
…I yelled I’m trying…
…where he then kicked me in the nutz…
…next thing I remember they were pulling me off him…
…I was going all Christmas Story on him…
…cussing and everything…
…I was sent to the vice principles office…
…Mr. Warner…
…we all feared him…
…at lunch he would whistle then shout, FREEZE! …
…boy or girl…
..if you didn’t freeze…
…you had to do push-ups in front of everybody…
…gulp!…
…he said to me…
…you think you’re pretty tuff don’t you?…
…he deserved it I half sneered/half mumbled…
…violence doesn’t solve anything…
…he told me…
…you have to be smarter than that…
…he kicked me in the nutz…
…I daringly stated…
…Mr. Warner paused a minute…
…hit me in the gut…
…he ordered…
…go ahead…
…I shook my head, no, Sir…
…go ahead…
…as hard as you can…
…ok…
…I prepared my fist like Frankenstein Jr…
…go ahead…
…I Imagined him doubling over and
3hourtour Premium Member 8 months ago
…and POW!…
…hit him in the gut as hard as I could…
…pause…
…that’s a pretty good punch you have there…
..Mr. Warner was unfazed…
…there’s always someone bigger and stronger…
…violence is not the answer….
…be smarter…
…now…
…go back to your room…
…I was totally deflated…
…but I secretly smiled…
…I bet he never does that again…
pat sandy creator 8 months ago
my teachers (nuns) usually filled out the ‘conference requested by’ part…
Teresa Burritt (Frog Applause) creator 8 months ago
The day I accidentally kicked Mr. Jobst in the eye was during our PE time in the gym. We had these bamboo/cane sticks that we were holding close to the floor. We were expected to jump in and out of them as two people held the sticks and made them open and shut, open and shut, open and shut. Mr. Jobst showed up and decided to participate. It was my turn when he took hold of his end of those cane sticks. I don’t know what happened exactly, but I somehow donkey-kicked him in the eye. I remember he had a big black eye the next day. I didn’t get in trouble, of course, because it was an accident… but Mr. Jobst never came to visit any PE classes at Pleasant Valley Elementary School again (as far as I know.)
Mad-ge Dish Soap 8 months ago
Wow, a little Payton Place, digger’s and potatoes for the drop pop in the eye.
Dobie Premium Member 8 months ago
Mine always ended with: PLEEEEASE find another school!
Brass Orchid Premium Member 8 months ago
Little could they know, that this mild exterior hid a resplendent cartoonist.
Imagine 8 months ago
Who is this Teresa we keep hearing about? She is making the rest of us look bad.
descabro 8 months ago
Extras? What else is Frog Applause?
Mad-ge Dish Soap 8 months ago
Ooooohell Henry Ford, and that there Model T & A, big kids movie kiss away and show naked t and a. The kids that needed help in shelter, and teacher’s had war motor cars. The after world.
Mad-ge Dish Soap 8 months ago
T for Texas, T for Tennessee.
Or
T for Tucson, T for Tombstone.
Howard'sMyHero 8 months ago
(and then, and then)
Along came “T”
And then along came T …!
coltish1 8 months ago
I was a quiet, well-behaved little boy; the nuns all appreciated my lack of trouble. Except in the third grade, we had a teacher all the older kids called “Jungles,” which I never quite understood, but appreciated just the same. She would pull a surprise inspection where everybody had to open their desks up so she could check the neatness of lack thereof. (Oh, how I wished we had those old-fashioned wooden ones with the stationary tops.) Anyway, I was quiet but neat I was not, and she took one look and reached in and grabbed all the materials in there, books, pads, binders, pencils, glue, and loose papers and threw them around the room so that I had to go and retrieve everything and put them — neatly — back in my desk.
I also had her for fourth grade, but she never pulled that sh!t again on me or anybody else. Weird.
Imagine 8 months ago
I had a colleague who said he was married to a nun: none of this, none of that.
Needless to say, they divorced.
gigagrouch 8 months ago
i punched my 8th grade nun while defending myself from an attack by a bullying classmate. She didn’t seem to notice that as she dragged the other kid out of the cloakroom. Thanks, Sr. Elaine Marie!
Linguist 8 months ago
As long as we’re on the subject of embarrassing episodes in school …
I wrote an essay in the 3rd grade about how my family was going to sell our house in Connecticut and move to Texiass ( my exact spelling ).
One of the kids told her father, who was in real estate, and he immediately called my very perplexed father to get the listing. I seem to recall there were many other inquiries about our impending move, as well. My folks were not amused.
Rotifer NOT GETTING RUBEN BOLLING’S PIN Thalweg Premium Member 8 months ago
When I was in the 6th grade I knew there was some things about girls I liked but I hadn’t quite figured out what they were. If I had tried to make a list of the things I liked, and “donkey-kicks principal in the eye” had come to mind, I’m sure it would have made the top 5.
Tom Toro creator 8 months ago
Love the comma, “academically.” Did you not want to do well in other areas???
willie_mctell 8 months ago
Good stuff. I got things like “Not working up to his potential.”
davewhamond creator 8 months ago
I didn’t get ‘angelic’ either but in Grade 2, my teacher called me a ‘real angel’. So I walked around the rest of the day convinced (and a little freaked out) that I was an actual angel. Then it all went away when I kicked my principal in the eye.
Jesse Atwell creator 8 months ago
Kick a principal in the eye, get many friends! Or so they say lol.
Sisyphos 8 months ago
Up above, Imagine asked, “Who is this Teresa…?” I presume most of us assume that it is our own Sister Teresa of Perpetual Lameness. But can we also blithely assume that this is all “true confessions”? Or is this the polished apple, the embellished history? And what about the sidebar? Is the old report card with the neat cursive “for real,” or simulated? So many questions; it seems I have become too suspicious despite the general air of Innocence here (did I really just say that?!)….
ericlscott creator 8 months ago
Did you hang out at the cool table?