Another 2010 rerun, and we have to entertain ourselves. Besides, to earn some extra cash, McPherson and Bleeb are busy re-painting the curb numbers in front of my house.
So, some more from ol’ Grampa…
Ol’ Grampa and I were talking one morning, and I said: Hey, isn’t today you and Granmas anniversary? And he said: “Well Dobe, as a matter of fact, today will have been 50 years and I was just thinkin’ about the time before we were married, when her father held a shotgun on me and said he’d have me jailed for fifty years if I didn’t marry her!”
“I can’t help but think that tomorrow…… I would have been a free man!”
Welp, another 2010 rerun. I wonder why they pick 2010 for reruns!? I ran outa odd jobs for McPherson to earn extra money at in his down time, so I guess it’s just time for some “west and wewaxation” … Plus, he always brings Bleeb with him and there’s always this weird smell!
So anyway, I was thinkin’ I might get all science’y here and throw in a “Periodic Table” joke about “Sodium”, then I decided… Na.
Well, this’n is another 2010 rerun, so…
Gather ‘round kids, it’s time for yet a third mask story from yer ol’ Uncle Dobie.
So… the other day, me and your Aunt pulled up at this convenience store so I could pickup a Red Bull, and while I was walking to the door, it happened again. I sneezed… HARD! And like the other times, my ol’ mask shot straight out in front of me and snapped back slapping me right in the face again! Well, if I could put that in slow motion for ya, we would all see that on its way back to my face, it snagged the gnarliest bug of all bugs, that just happened to be flying by!
Thus began the “holy-crap-there’s-a-bug-in-my-facemask-fight” right out in front of that convenience store. Well, when I finally finished what can only be described as a combination of moves Chuck Norris woulda been proud of, and finally got the mask off… I looked up to see several people standin’ inside at the window watching me. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just did some more totally awesome karate moves and got outa there… you know, just so they wouldn’t think I was weird, or sump’n!
Now kids, just so you know, your Aunt’s probably gonna tell ya that it looked more like I did a Pirouette, a Plié and a Relevé… buuuuuut I’m pretty sure those are just some technical Ninja terms for totally awesome karate moves!
“I’m sorry folks, it wasn’t you laying on the bed that activated the herbal deodorizers after all. Apparently, I stepped on some kind of yellow bug!”
“I NEED A CLEANUP IN MATTRESSES.”
“Awww, honey look, how cute! A little robot, a little witch, a little ghost, and a… um, weird-little-yellow-alien-bug-looking-thing! Well, you’ll all get extra candy for being so smart with all your costumes! Honey, don’t be so grumpy, don’t you think they are cute in their little costumes?”
“Yeah, yeah, they’re cute, they’re cute! Now, how’d the heck did they get up here? Aw jeez, the little ghost just stepped on that bug! I ain’t cleanin’ that up!
“… AND WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SMELL!?”
… and the Lord said: “you shall build a platform 7 cubits by 7 cubits, and you shall tie it to a rope, and you shall tie the rope to the Ark, and you shall pull it freely behind the Ark.” And Noah obeyed, and built the platform, tied it to a rope, and pulled it behind the Ark… with skunks on it. Thus, began “tubing” the lake… and it was good! The platform broke-up in the heavy wake caused by the Ark, and when Noah observed this, he saw one skunk clinging to a single board and one skunk on another board… and thus began water skiing. And it was good. And Noah said: Lord, the reason you see only three pigs is simple; originally, there were four… but you can’t have a day on the lake, water skiing and tubing, without a BBQ. And it was good!
I may have had one too many Red Bulls this morning, but it looks like cartoon boy may have accompanied Bleeb with another “weird-little-yellow-alien-bug-looking-thing”, and maybe a female!? Either that, or it’s Dalcon in a wig. Which would make Dalcon a: “weird-little-yellow-alien-bug-in-a-rug”… Hee-heeeee-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hee-hee, “bug-in-a-rug”… hee-hee-heeee-hoo-hoo! A-hem, sorry…. Red Bull does that to me!
Oop! I think I just giggled out loud at “blow hole”… at least I think I giggled. I did just power down a Red Bull and a breakfast burrito…sooooo, I guess it coulda been that. Oh well, how about some more pearls from ol’ Grampa
When I was a kid, early one morning my ol’ Grampa came over as I was about to leave for my paper route. As he saw me leaving, he decided to impart some wisdom on me. He said: “Dobe”, (he called me “Dobe”) “Dobe, lemme tell ya… the amount of money you need to earn to be considered wealthy nowadays, is just enough whereas you can judge your financial success by whether or not you’re still flyin’ commercial.”
As I got on my bicycle, I couldn’t help but think: Hmmm, my own plane. Crap! But now I’m gonna have this paper route a couple more months than I planned on!
I smell sump’n burnin’… must be Taco Tuesday! Here’s another recollection from ol’ Grampa…
When I was a kid, my ol’ Grampa showed up early at our house one mornin’, and I made the mistake of saying: “Mornin’ there Grampa, watcha doin’?” He said: “well, before this, I was gettin’ ready to come here, then I went out the front door to come here, then I was on my way here, then I got here, and here I am.”
Ol’ Grampa wasn’t one for early morning chitchat…
I was gonna slip in sump’n humorous, then find a way to add in my usual precautions about Bleeb and Dalcon, but I decided… NOPE, I shouldn’t even mention it. Normally, I would warn the cartoon characters against steppin’ on Bleeb or Dalcon, because stepping on ‘em lets off a powerful stink, sort of making reference to the several species of Pentatomidae stink bugs, and then continue on about not stepping on them because there would also be an enormous amount of yellow substance in the form of a sort of “goo”, and in that case, making a reference of sorts, to something like Snoopy’s dog house and how when you look at it from the outside it’s small, but on the inside it’s enormous, thereby formulating that if you did step on Bleeb or Dalcon, there would be more yellow goo than should reasonably be contained by something so small. But, I am NOT gonna caution the couple about not steppin’ on ‘em, and I’m not gonna mention anything about how they will let off a powerful stink, and I’m not gonna mention how there would be yellow goo everywhere… I am, however gonna remain polite and simply wish them a safe and happy trip to New Zealand and allow others to figure out their luggage dilemma, and not say anything at all about stink and goo!