One time I was ten years old and got bit 44 times. A person might win that competition by having a polar bear taste him or her, but that’s not on my bucket list. I’d rather get bit by 44 snakes.
Hystian Krerba One time I jumped 3,462 and was on the 67th floor. One time I was four hours old while this person was taking a three hour tour a three hour tour.
A piano player at a bar has a monkey as a sidekick who collects tips in a tin can. While the piano player was playing, the monkey squatted over a man’s glass and dipped his “marbles” in the drink.
Infuriated, the man yells at the piano player “Do you know your monkey dipped his marbles in my martini ?!!”
The piano player replies “No man, but hum a few bars and I can probably pick it up.”
A nymphomaniac woman was a regular at a sex shop, but after using their products for years she ended getting bored of the usual stuff. She asked the male cashier if there was something else out of the ordinary to try.
He suggest the Sexual Mosquito. That got her attention, so she asked him how to use it.
He told her to prepare herself (candles, perfumes, clothing etc.) and then open the case that the mosquito is in and it will do the rest.
So that night the woman did as she was told, prepping herself and everything, then she lets go of the mosquito, but the mosquito just stayed in the case and did nothing.
Disappointedly the woman called the sex shop about the mosquito doing nothing, but the male cashier from before told her to give it a moment.
Long story short, the mosquito did nothing, and the woman called again for something to be done about this.So the cashier begrudgingly agreed to come over her place to see what the problem was and whether he could do something. Dialogue ensues:
Cashier: Ok where is that darn mosquito.
Woman: Right here in the case.
He looks at the mosquito and says: OK LOOK! I WILL DEMONSTRATE THIS TO YOU FOR THE LAST TIME!
If you are interested, and who isn’t, in seeing Irina win the tastiest girl contest, check this out. https://globalnews.ca/news/2882217/at-the-russian-mosquito-festival-the-more-bites-the-better/
Little Tracy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Tracy?” “My pet mouse died,” replied Tracy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a mouse, isn’t it?” Tracy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid stinking cat.” … Birdman out.
Templo S.U.D. over 1 year ago
Ilina Iryukhina must’ve used more than one bottle of calamine lotion.
jasonsnakelover over 1 year ago
One time I was ten years old and got bit 44 times. A person might win that competition by having a polar bear taste him or her, but that’s not on my bucket list. I’d rather get bit by 44 snakes.
Hystian Krerba One time I jumped 3,462 and was on the 67th floor. One time I was four hours old while this person was taking a three hour tour a three hour tour.
May the Lord be with you as He is with me.
jmolay161 over 1 year ago
Nice to hear about burping for a change, rather than recent factoids about gassing and peeing.
SWCarter over 1 year ago
I’m sure Irina Ilyukhina appreciates Ripleys creating a picture of her that makes it look like she has a mustache and beard.
A Common 'tator over 1 year ago
Wasn’t Irina Ilyukhina in “The Man From Uncle”?
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
This is for all you piano players out there.
A piano player at a bar has a monkey as a sidekick who collects tips in a tin can. While the piano player was playing, the monkey squatted over a man’s glass and dipped his “marbles” in the drink.
Infuriated, the man yells at the piano player “Do you know your monkey dipped his marbles in my martini ?!!”
The piano player replies “No man, but hum a few bars and I can probably pick it up.”
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
A nymphomaniac woman was a regular at a sex shop, but after using their products for years she ended getting bored of the usual stuff. She asked the male cashier if there was something else out of the ordinary to try.
He suggest the Sexual Mosquito. That got her attention, so she asked him how to use it.
He told her to prepare herself (candles, perfumes, clothing etc.) and then open the case that the mosquito is in and it will do the rest.
So that night the woman did as she was told, prepping herself and everything, then she lets go of the mosquito, but the mosquito just stayed in the case and did nothing.
Disappointedly the woman called the sex shop about the mosquito doing nothing, but the male cashier from before told her to give it a moment.
Long story short, the mosquito did nothing, and the woman called again for something to be done about this.So the cashier begrudgingly agreed to come over her place to see what the problem was and whether he could do something. Dialogue ensues:
Cashier: Ok where is that darn mosquito.
Woman: Right here in the case.
He looks at the mosquito and says: OK LOOK! I WILL DEMONSTRATE THIS TO YOU FOR THE LAST TIME!
Gina Carson over 1 year ago
Oh… mosquito bites. I was going an entirely different direction for “tastiest girl.” lol
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 1 year ago
Aaaand the guys who said they “identify as a mosquito” were lined up around the block to taste Irina.
Take care, may Delta Phi Belching Champion of 2021 Sean “Brrr-Braddle Brap!” Sousaphonord be with you, and gesundheit.
comixbomix over 1 year ago
So I guess my wife and I are really good friends.
oakie817 over 1 year ago
someone should have told Krystian about the elevator
cornshell over 1 year ago
Hopefully there are no mosquito-born illnesses in that part of Russia.
Copy-&-Paste over 1 year ago
Believe it or Not that nine yr old girl needs a shave.
dv1093 over 1 year ago
That’s SEARS tower. Just saying.
198.23.5.11 over 1 year ago
Humans in taverns beat the Colobus Monkeys to the punch hundreds of years ago.
Boy,they’re really starved for fun things to do in Russia,aren’t they?
Patriot Dissenter over 1 year ago
That “tastiest girl” thing could have gone way wrong
WCraft Premium Member over 1 year ago
Makes sense that they would have a blood suckers festival in Moscow: that is were Putin resides.
mindjob over 1 year ago
Relax, she only lost about 0.43 milliliters of blood, so she didn’t need a transfusion
Guybrush Threepwood over 1 year ago
Guess me and my friends are Columbus Monkeys.
artegal over 1 year ago
So you’re average frat bro shows affection just like Colobus Monkeys. Who knew?
paranormal over 1 year ago
What Russians won’t do for entertainment…
Stephen Gilberg over 1 year ago
Here I thought Russia didn’t have much of a mosquito problem.
poppacapsmokeblower over 1 year ago
A festival celebrating mosquitoes? Did Irina win a year’s supply of calamine lotion?
Buckeye67 over 1 year ago
If you are interested, and who isn’t, in seeing Irina win the tastiest girl contest, check this out. https://globalnews.ca/news/2882217/at-the-russian-mosquito-festival-the-more-bites-the-better/
Petemejia77 over 1 year ago
That’s a nine year old????
Birdman47 over 1 year ago
Little Tracy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Tracy?” “My pet mouse died,” replied Tracy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a mouse, isn’t it?” Tracy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid stinking cat.” … Birdman out.
monkeysky over 1 year ago
I looked up Colobus Monkeys to see if they look as sad as the cartoon makes them look. Turns out they look even sadder.