That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for October 06, 2022

/// When Columbus’ crew heard the news

that they’d come to the end of their cruise,

they were too overjoyed.

Now his wrath they’d avoid;

there were natives there Chris could abuse.

The crew breaking down in tears, begging Captain Bligh to return to Tahiti and the hot, half-naked women there.

“I know it’s not India, Captain, but we’re down to our last gallon of grog and we ran out of food a week ago. Please, let us stop and resupply before we die of thirst!”

As they sighted land, Guillermo started to take off his clothes and make a mad dash for the beach.

back when it was only just the “Like Boat”

“Hey; that guy on the other ship claims that his crew have nicer beards!”

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip…

So much for mask mandates. Get the penicillin.

He thought they were at a Dunkin’ Donuts.

This picture is hysterical. The crew mewling at the brave captains feet, not likely. This one doesn’t need a caption.

What, they found a Starbucks that was still open?

Of course you see land, we’re still in the harbor!

Maybe it was a Dollar General

Ah, yes, I can smell the cinnamon on the breeze.

Hey, I can see my house from here!

No need to grovel men, I’m not special, you too can smell like this, here pass this bottle of Old Spice around.

Are we there yet? …….. How about now??

“Sir, please. After all, they’re the only ones who’ll let us bring our muskets in with us.”

“In fourteen hundred and ninety two/

Columbus sailed the ocean blue”/

Had they not seen a bird/

Though it may seem absurd/

He might well have been hanged by his crew.

The image is still too big: if I squint hard enough, I can vaguely distinguish human figures. Come on, you can do better!

Johanna, daughter of Ferdinand and Isabella

Was married to Philip, a most Handsome fella.

Their marriage was rocky due to his escapades

With a whole bunch of her personal maids

But that was later on after Columbus returned

From his voyage through which his fame is earned.

.

Philip was known to the court as a most crafty sleaze

But because of good looks, the Queen he did please.

For Columbus’s voyage, to nix constipation

He con-vinced her to purchase stores of his medication.

It wasn’t bad stuff, and worked ‘gainst analgesia

Philip called it by his name and Milk of Magnesia.

.

But the the voyage was long and before it was done

The supply was used up, and bowel cramps had begun

What good would be mutiny, so far out at sea

And seawater flush was touchy, as you might agree.

When Land was sighted and with the skiffs they parted,

It took a few days before the sailors well fa-ted.

.

So, as the oil painting shows (but most won’t get the drift),

The sailors looked forward to get their bowels to shift.

Although the trip made no one wealthy right away

The sailors at last ate fruit and took the chance to play

With island girls whose amoral best did please

As each to each took time to swap disease.

“Okay, okay, we’ll stop at McDonald’s. But if we can’t get the ship up to the drive-though window, that’s on you.”

“The Wellerman! Sugar and Tea and Rum! OH MY!”

“When I signed on to become a freebooter, I’d hoped that we’d get, you know, free boots.”

“Where in hades is the omen report!”

Looking back and remembering when / We laughed and we chuckled, my friend / Now we squint and we peer / It’s so small, so unclear / Well, the pixels were shrimpy back then.

Christopher Columbus Discovers the Coast of America, 1854

Columbus Discovers the Shores of America: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Christian Ruben" site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google, Yahoo, Bing, Duckduckgo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and click the first Category: found, and once there, search for the America text string, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by merely clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s THROWBACK THURSDAY: MASTERPIECE #1985 (6/29/18) (October 5, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu. I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here (2 times total, including this Throwback Thursday repeat), the June 29, 2018, strip being its first use. The first URL pointed to in my comment there has been deleted. Since I couldn’t quickly locate a strip coloration image to post to WC, I used the museum’s different coloration image.

being with all man crew, the straight guys in the crew were verry thrilled, all two of them

steve’s caption demands too much suspension of disbelief – starbucks are everywhere…

For Friday:

It isn’t too hard to determine/

The name of this pestilent vermin/

It’s N. Bonaparte/

A nasty old ph@rrt…/

Though swaddled in acres of ermine..

Budget cuts meant the original proposal for ‘Captain Pugwash’ had to be scaled back in production.