Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 12, 2021

WARNING: Tonight’s joke is political in nature. ADDITIONAL WARNING: You won’t be able to figure out my politics by reading it…so you’re safe. For now.

Three Jews are sitting on a park bench. The first Jew says, “Oy.”

The second Jew says, “Oy, vey.”

And the third Jew says, “If you guys are gonna talk politics, I’m outta here!”

Good night, Mrs. Calabash…

I can finally say I’m strong enough to lift a cow over my head

https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/shortest-cow-(height)

Ouisa Ladams

One time I weighed 56 pounds and was 19 inches tall.

One time I was 21.05 seconds old when I ran the bases at Dodger Stadium.

May the Lord be with you.

The Jack Russell was much slower than the human best of 13.3 seconds.

Louisa Adams was also the first foreign-born First Lady (England); Melania Trump was the second (Yugoslavia/Slovenia).

This gave me the impetus to google a question I’ve always wondered, how do they take a messy web and convert it into a thread.

This joke is in honor of Jesus, and others like him.

A burglar is sneaking through this house one night, when out of the darkness comes a voice: “I can see you, and Jesus can, too.”.

The burglar freezes in his tracks and is too frightened to move. He waits a few moments and nothing more happens, so he moves forward. Again from the darkness comes the voice: “I can see you, and Jesus can, too.” The burglar is petrified and too frightened to move a muscle.

After 30 minutes, he decides to do something. He backs very slowly and tentatively to the wall and feels around for a light switch. He switches on the light and there in front of him sits a cockatoo in a cage, who says, “I can see you, and Jesus can, too.”.

Greatly relieved, the burglar sighs, “It’s just a cockatoo.”.

The cockatoo looks at the burglar and says, “I might be just a cockatoo, but Jesus is a big Rottweiler.”

A blonde called her boyfriend, who was out of town on a business trip. “Honey,” she sobbed, “Fluffy ran away!” “That’s awful! Poor kitty,” he said. “I know! And I don’t know what to do!” “You should print up some flyers and put them up around the neighborhood,” he said. He spent the next three hours instructing her on how to do this. The following day, the blonde called again, crying piteously. “Honey, it didn’t work! Fluffy’s still gone!” “That’s awful,” he said. “Did you put a good message on the flyers? What did they say?” “They said ‘Here, kitty kitty.’”

Ironically, the sewing projects were eventually destroyed by moths.

Macho’s a fast runner. Unfortunately, he’s not as good at batting.

Macho later had a litter of puppies and was renamed Amantine Lucile Aurore Dudevant Nee Dupin.

Take care, may famed Alpine road line painter Hanns “My Brush Is Narrow But I Have All Day” Boredord be with you, and gesundheit.

Interesting, the Louisa Adams profile. Most of those profiles I’ve read or seen have shown her being from an aristocratic family and she with no real ability to take care of herself. Making her own silk is very industrious and an act of self sufficiency. Maybe I’ve misjudged her.

Jill Biden, 46th First Lady of the United States, knitted a sweater for her husband that he proudly wears to affairs of state that says “Let’s Go, Brandon”. If he has forgotten what it means if he ever knew in the first place. Joe forgets a lot of things and was recently quoted as saying “Kamala who?” but there are a lot of other people in the same boat. Kamela who?

I knew someone who had a Jack Russel terrier who would jump on the kitchen counter and pee on the coffee maker. Believe It or Not! (hint: Believe It)

“Harvesting the silk herself,” does that mean she unraveled the cocoons herself? How long a strand is one cocoon, how many strands per thread, and how much thread per garment? That First Lady worked hard, or was really bored.

Unfortunately, Macho’s batting average is only .002

Do they use those Bhutanese cows to make the miniature hamburger sliders?

What is the meaning of “H. CASTANO” in Louisa’s panel?

I’m sure cows ancestors were much smaller than modern cows, as with all mammals

“Sixth First Lady” sounds paradoxical.

Just for context, what is an elite time for a human on an inside-the-park home run?

all kidding aside – that is so cool about Mrs. Adams

But then they discovered that Rani was actually a ground hog…

At my “advanced age”, I could run the bases in 21 MINUTES.

Louisa Adams has my respect, though such skills as she had were probably common in her time. There is so much that we don’t know how to do, in living off the earth, that pioneers and frontierspeople knew. We may have to learn some of those skills, if the supply chain of commerce is badly disrupted. There are ads on YouTube for books that tell us how.