Pickles by Brian Crane for May 03, 2024

Did she go down from a 2 year supply of food to a a one year supply?

Earl is a real flirt———-with trouble.

But the black barrels the city provide for our trash only hold about 4 bags (if you tamp it down real good).

One time there were ten bags of trash altogether.

Let’s not forget the expense of the chiropractic care he’ll need when he’s done.

Why must I be reminded every three months to get that done?

Meanwhile, just stash it in the pantry until Earl gets a notion.

Those Bursts of idleness sneak up on you!

Until you ask what’s for dinner.

Every time I try to use the coffee table for a foot rest like that, all it does is push the table away from me. Don’t know how he does that. May be the table is nailed down.

Opal runs on solar energy. Earl runs on lunar energy — comes in phases.

Earl has learned that— if you just sit on your bum for 10 minutes— that burst of energy will disappear.

Sounds like 10 bags, ooops. We have a 3 bag limit every 2 weeks, so that is 6 weeks, but add normal garbage, the energy is months to come.

Earl’s idleness doesn’t really have bursts, it’s a steady stream.

They have a front pantry and a back pantry plus cupboards? I am soooo jealous!!

’Twas ever thus.

“BURST OF IDLENESS”….. that’s GREAT – I gotta use that

An established cosmic truism if I ever heard…er…read one.

My wife still thinks she at work, running a business. Sometimes when she “cleans and organizes”, I find, or I should say I can’t find tools, hardware, etc. that she thinks need to be rearranged or tossed out. I need to build a safe room secure from her housekeeping.

Reminds me of riverside CA. Live there a couple of years in the late 70’s and were only allowed two 30 gal. cans. One took care of the house hold refuse the other always overflowed from the grapefruit tree! had three fruit trees on the lot, orange, lemon and grapefruit. the Orange tree only produced 3 oranges a year, the Lemon tree produced a lot of fruit but, fully ripe lemons that fell to the ground self destroyed in 2 days and with mowing made for a pleasant smelling yard. But the grapefruit produce so much we had to hold our house hold refuse for a couple weeks while stuffing both cans with the big balls. FWIW, learned to hate the taste of grapefruit as a kid, so there was no cutting into the volume by eating any.

Take out the garbage, Earl.

What’s wrong with her that she can’t take it to the trash can? If she made the bags super heavy, split the stuff up into more bags. Why run the risk of Earl hurting his back? One time, we were boarding a flight to Canada and some young woman asked my husband to lift her bag into the overhead bin. I said NO. If she can’t lift it, why should he take the chance of hurting his back and ruining our vacation? At one hotel, the doorman was going to put my suitcase into the back of the truck. I stopped him and told him that if I can’t lift it, nobody else should be trying to do it, either. Even now, at 73, if I can’t lift it, it gets sorted out and lightened.

Okay Earl….that will confuse Nelson….

How on earth did 9 bags’ worth of actual trash accumulate in those places? Most non-perishables are, for all intents and purposes, just that – they don’t go bad. Is she really either such a wasteful person that she’d toss such huge quantities of viable whatnot or such a negligent person that she’d allow so much stuff to go bad?

Which never should be mistaken for a Moment of clarity.

My wife and I are as out of sync as Opal and Earl are with each other.

Buy stuff … keep it a few decades … throw it out … AMERICANS.

I first read that as “Gamma bursts of energy…” Gamma rays are fatal to humans outside of the Marvel Universe.

Opal needs a strong burst of flatulence with enough strength to get her to her coven meeting

Opal was the procrastinator this time, I’d say.

Moderation in all things