Pickles by Brian Crane for May 01, 2024

See you in twelve minutes, Opal

One time I was 13 minutes old.

Hey, it happens.

F around and find out!

It never fails, set the alarm and out the door we go then one of us gets that look on our face…..I forgot such and such, I think I have enough time to make a mad dash back inside before the alarm is in fact, armed!

Because of this effect, the odds of leaving on time drop by 50% with every added passenger. They also drop by 50% with every decade of average age. The only reason anybody EVER gets somewhere on time is because “odds of” aren’t “what will happen”. And of course, starting (the process) earlier.

Spouse was very poor at getting out the door on time 35 years ago when we met. It made me crazy. I’ve solved the problem though: I have stopped worrying about being there on time. And we almost never are. But that’s now okay with me.

(If I’m going solo, I do get there on time barring flat tires or extraordinarily bad traffic)

That’s us, except it’s my wife that makes me hurry and then has to make we wait while she uses the facilities.

That’s married life

Twelve minutes isn’t so bad.

On second thought, let me just grab my diaper.

Do doctors still prescribe water pills?!

She had to make herself pretty, Earl!

Did Earl never passed his childhood: ‘the little boy’s room’, for crying out loud!

My wife and I both literally burst out laughing! BOL

One hour later…

can not pass up a chance when we have it

sigh……yep

When you tell your wife that you would like to leave at say 2:30 they think that is the time to look for their purse, change clothes, pick out a different coat, go to the bath room, etc.

I can’t resist saying Opal has no dots today…

Better safe than sorry. And maybe change to black pants.

Always take that pre-emptive pee before you leave.

There are some draw backs to ‘Flowmax’…….

A man’s life. Hurry up and wait.

Mrs will be ready to go. I’ll get dressed and while I’m doing that Mrs will change clothes 3 more times.

One GF would do this. I decided I’d just sit and read until she was at the front door with her purse and keys. We rarely got anywhere less than an hour late.

SOOoooo typical

For everyone who is married, this is so typical.

Well played.

Imagine if you were also dealing with children again!

Earl’s behavior makes perfect sense to me. If I can, I always wait to void my bladder until immediately before going out to minimize the likelihood that I’ll have to go at some inconvenient time or place while we’re out.

His response is justified.

Earl: “Be whiz ’ya in a minute!”

My father pulled that stunt once, remembering he had to shave, after he kept pestering my mother about whether she was ready. He only pulled that ONCE…

That’s not funny…just true !

Hey guys, if the Earls of the world didn’t put up with this nonsense, none of this would happen.

“Waitin’ on a Woman”. A really good song.

That’s why you always tell a woman you have to be (wherever) by 20 minutes before you actually do. Unfortunately, it’s not long before she’s on to you. Then you have to tell her 40 minutes earlier.

LOL!, exactly the way it is at my house.

I had a MAD magazine from the 70s that did the same gag, but he was “I gotta go shave agian”

That’s what happens when you make an old man wait.

Funny cuz it’s true!

Sorry, but you should have thought of that sooner … we have to go now, or you’ll make us late.

And? This is new?

Got to Betty’s at eight, I was ready to jet

Until Betty’s mom said: “Betty’s not ready yet!”

I sat there for at least an hourIt was ten after nine before she got in the shower

9:35, she comes downstairsAnd said: “I need a little longer to finish my hair”

At ten o’clock, we had been missed the showShe comes downstairs and says ’let’s go’!?

“Go where? Go to sleep, I’m gone!” I was steamin like a demon as I drove home

But it just goes to show not trying to bust your bubbleBut girls of the world ain’t nothing but trouble…

And when he comes back, she’ll say she has to go again.

I have never done this to anyone. If we have to be someplace at a certain time, I am ready when I need to be. That includes the decade when I was married. We both got ready on time.

I hate that this portrays that the wife is always the late one and the husband is stuck waiting, talk about a trend that is ready to be ended, it happens the other way around just as much.

My wife will say she’s “ready”, when in fact, she’s ALMOST ready.