Calvin, I finished you autobiography to this point in your life for you.
Part 1. In the beginning Calvin eat, drank, peed, pooped and cried.
Part 2. Later on Calvin learned to walk and talk, while still eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, crying, but added complaining and grandiose fantasy to his accomplishments.
10 months here. Sunset time, and I was in the back seat of my parent’s Cadillac. I recall looking up and seeing an orange animal in the sunset. Yes, a tiger, and yes that word came into my mind at that moment. Yes, I was a very early speaker. Mom confirmed the details of the trip when I was older.
So the only part with potential sales value is the part he cannot remember.
Reminds me of Garrison Keillor story about how he left a manuscript on a bus. Originally, it had probably been another mediocre effort by a budding talent. However, over the years, in his mind, it had retroactively become one of the lost classics of modern literature. :)
I read someplace that we have trouble recalling the earliest years of our lives because we lack the ability then to recall events in a narrative form until we’re maybe three or four years old. I can vaguely recall some things going back that far, but I don’t have a good context for such things to fit into the story of my life. What’s even odd for me is my life from that point to when I was about twelve feels like a very long period, especially since I am so much older now; and yet things that happened to me ten years ago seem like just last year, of not yesterday.
Charles Barr Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Sounds like the first half of Calvin’s life was a warmup for the second half.
BE THIS GUY almost 2 years ago
Chapter One:
My First P**p
codycab almost 2 years ago
Oh you’re getting there, Calvin.
The Calvinosaurus That Calvin Wanted To Discover almost 2 years ago
You could talk about the time you stuffed a real tiger in your backyard. That’s sure to impress Miss Wormwood.
Templo S.U.D. almost 2 years ago
if Calvin is six, why would he — at age three — be in jail? maybe he was more likely in an insane asylum
C almost 2 years ago
We’re sure that you can make something up
Macushlalondra almost 2 years ago
I don’t think many people remember the first 2 years of their lives. I know my first memory is when I was 3.
sirbadger almost 2 years ago
When he learns photoshop, he can show pictures of himself being raised by wolves or abducted by space aliens.
einarbt almost 2 years ago
Jail? Hum, something your mother isn’t owning up to?
DaveG1960 almost 2 years ago
Wouldn’t surprise me……..
Panufo almost 2 years ago
You WERE behind bars, Calvin.
The Reader Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Think even more revolting.
M2MM almost 2 years ago
I love the outrageous conclusions Calvins comes up with, when he can’t remember.
Susan00100 almost 2 years ago
Man, what “loving” parent that poor kid has!!
No wonder his only friend is his stuffed tiger!!
VegaAlopex almost 2 years ago
My memories start at around four and a half. Calvin is six, and he can’t remember only half of his life?
figuratively speaking almost 2 years ago
I’m sure you should have been in jail, Calvin, but our laws sadly don’t allow for the incarceration of infants. Not yet anyway.
sandpiper almost 2 years ago
With his imagination, accuracy shouldn’t be a problem.
jagedlo almost 2 years ago
Well, some of those baby pens do resemble jails…
Nuke Road Warrior almost 2 years ago
First rule of Calvin’s biography, never mention the “Noodle Incident.”
MS72 almost 2 years ago
I’m told that when I was a toddler, I wandered out onto the highway in front of our house. Dad put up a fence with a gate…
Count Olaf Premium Member almost 2 years ago
The Count and lovely Countess can’t wait for the streaming series by Taika Waititi on HBO Max. Seriously.
Prey almost 2 years ago
Probably true, babies are noisy and messy at both ends and should only be approached at their middle.
nathan.sheriff3 almost 2 years ago
Ya.. crib jail.
John Jorgensen almost 2 years ago
I’ll never write an autobiography because I can’t imagine anyone would be interested in reading it.
Daltongang Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Calvin, I finished you autobiography to this point in your life for you.
Part 1. In the beginning Calvin eat, drank, peed, pooped and cried.
Part 2. Later on Calvin learned to walk and talk, while still eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, crying, but added complaining and grandiose fantasy to his accomplishments.
The End.
johndifool almost 2 years ago
10 months here. Sunset time, and I was in the back seat of my parent’s Cadillac. I recall looking up and seeing an orange animal in the sunset. Yes, a tiger, and yes that word came into my mind at that moment. Yes, I was a very early speaker. Mom confirmed the details of the trip when I was older.
rshive almost 2 years ago
Then you can’t sell your autobiography for millions, Calvin. Guess those are the breaks.
vaughnrl2003 Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Funny how that works. We can’t remember the first years at the start and we can’t remember anything at the end. Maybe, not so funny. …really
WCraft Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Can’t remember the adoption home in Russia?
SweetSinger almost 2 years ago
Ah, that playpen.
mindjob almost 2 years ago
“Jail Child” will become a best selling book and be turned into a movie starring _______________ (fill in the blank)
mistercatworks almost 2 years ago
So the only part with potential sales value is the part he cannot remember.
Reminds me of Garrison Keillor story about how he left a manuscript on a bus. Originally, it had probably been another mediocre effort by a budding talent. However, over the years, in his mind, it had retroactively become one of the lost classics of modern literature. :)
AndrewSihler almost 2 years ago
The first nine months were really gross!
schaefer jim almost 2 years ago
Hard times kid, hard times!
Troglodyte almost 2 years ago
Calvin continues to do revolting and unpublishable things even now – just ask Susie.
BiggerNate91 almost 2 years ago
Earliest memory of my life I remember is smashing my forehead into a doorframe when I was three years old. I still have the scar.
Otis Rufus Driftwood almost 2 years ago
I read someplace that we have trouble recalling the earliest years of our lives because we lack the ability then to recall events in a narrative form until we’re maybe three or four years old. I can vaguely recall some things going back that far, but I don’t have a good context for such things to fit into the story of my life. What’s even odd for me is my life from that point to when I was about twelve feels like a very long period, especially since I am so much older now; and yet things that happened to me ten years ago seem like just last year, of not yesterday.