I once heard the story of a rather rotund wife of a pastor who, before consuming a meal at the local buffet restaurant, prayed to cast the calories out of the food.
Good prayer, Aunty. When you fail to stick to that diet, you can blame God — or just make the excuse that He obviously didn’t want you to eat healthy, and of course it would be wrong to go against His will.
seanfear over 1 year ago
…. wrapped around a burger, Amen.
rekam Premium Member over 1 year ago
Too much potassium in the lettuce.
blunebottle over 1 year ago
I once heard the story of a rather rotund wife of a pastor who, before consuming a meal at the local buffet restaurant, prayed to cast the calories out of the food.
Liverlips McCracken Premium Member over 1 year ago
Try the celery. Your net caloric intake from eating celery barely exceeds the calories you use to eat it in the first place.
Troglodyte over 1 year ago
Lettuce see, Aunty.
PraiseofFolly over 1 year ago
… and POOF! She was instantly turned into a rabbit!
The Reader Premium Member over 1 year ago
Lettuce pray.
gopher gofer over 1 year ago
craving lettuce doesn’t leaf much to the imagination…
stillfickled Premium Member over 1 year ago
Lettuce could also be another name for money.
walstib Premium Member over 1 year ago
After years of only having bags of fancy schmancy lettuces, we bought a head of iceberg – it was great!
Spideypool over 1 year ago
=( ewww
Gameguy49 Premium Member over 1 year ago
Have you seen the price of lettuce these days???? It has tripled!
assrdood over 1 year ago
Must be that nobody showed up for her wine party yesterday. Slimming down won’t cure a bad attitude though.
Just-me over 1 year ago
“Lettuce see, Lettuce see! Speaking words of veggies lettuce see…” Apologies to the Beatles…
rhpii over 1 year ago
On a Dagwood Sandwich.
goboboyd over 1 year ago
Not gonna happen. Even if it is all you have in the house.
FreyjaRN Premium Member over 1 year ago
I don’t crave cramps, so no lettuce for me. I crave fruit, which is better than junk.
Daltongang Premium Member over 1 year ago
Aunty, eat your lettuce like John Pinette did, with melted Häagen-Dazs on it. Looks just like ranch.
Ken Norris Premium Member over 1 year ago
Lettuce, turnip and pea…
1953Baby over 1 year ago
Why can’t THEY make lettuce taste like chocolate?!?
fuzzbucket Premium Member over 1 year ago
The stores don’t even have any eggnog this year, but I have gained 6 pounds since Thanksgiving.
andersjg Premium Member over 1 year ago
Is that a new brand of 5L wine?
paranormal over 1 year ago
Nothing doing! You’ll crave the best tasting and the fattest foods around…
cuzinron47 over 1 year ago
I’m sure that prayer will be answered. And when it isn’t, you have God to blame.
sheashea over 1 year ago
And wine Aunty. Gotta have wine with your lettuce.
paullp Premium Member over 1 year ago
Good prayer, Aunty. When you fail to stick to that diet, you can blame God — or just make the excuse that He obviously didn’t want you to eat healthy, and of course it would be wrong to go against His will.
bakana over 1 year ago
Oops. Too late.