Before the invention of digital computers, the term “computer” used to refer to a human occupation: an individual who professionally handles computations, often with the aid of a device like an abacus or slide rule.
An old man is on his deathbed. His three adult sons (for you ethnic joke fans, their names are Pablo, Pierre, and Mamout) are gathered around him, and after his eyes have been closed for awhile, one speaks up. “I don’t think we need to buy Dad a big, fancy funeral,” he says. “A short notice in the newspaper will be enough.”
“We don’t need to buy him an expensive casket, either,” says the second son. “A plain wooden box will do just fine.”
“Box, schmox,” chimes in the third. “I say we just cremate him and put the ashes in a paper bag!”
Just then the man’s eyes flutter open. Weakly, he says, “Boys, I’m about to die. But I have to come clean with you; this has been weighing heavily on my conscience for some time.”
“What is it, Dad? Tell us, please,” the oldest boy says.
“Well, boys, your mother and I never actually got married.”
The sons look at each other in stark amazement. Finally the youngest son stammers, “You mean we’re…we’re…”
Does anyone remember the old telex machines from a few decades ago? Some of the experienced telex operators could decipher messages simply by reading the punch holes on the strip.
Two older men were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high, and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the shop owner asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any Italian bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it, would you like some?” He said, “I want five loaves.” She said, “My goodness, five loaves, it’ll get hard.”
He replied, “Does everybody in the world know about this Italian bread but me?”
Well, yeah, but the “computing” illustration is of jacquard loom “programming” cards, which really don’t compute anything; the holes just denote what color tuft to put in next. Sort of like calling punch cards or paper tape “computing.” Computing as in real computation started with the purely theoretical difference engine designed by Charles Babbage in the 1820s. Designed but never completely constructed, as the metalworking technology of the day was insufficient. One wasn’t actually constructed until a few decades ago, and then as a historical curiosity.
But yeah, right about 200 years, so RBION gets that, for digital computers anyway. For analog computers, you have to go back to the middle ages for orreries, or to the grandfather orrery of all, the Antikythera mechanism (which pearlsbs mentions).
The age of computers really depends on what the definition of a computer is. Is it electronic? Does it read a program? Can it run different programs? Does it need to output a result? Does it output information?
The only thing you could say for certain is that it must change it’s values depending on the previous value is and what the new input is. By that definition alone, an abacus counts as a computer.
jasonsnakelover about 2 years ago
One time I was 0.7 inches.
May the Lord be with you.
monkeysky about 2 years ago
Before the invention of digital computers, the term “computer” used to refer to a human occupation: an individual who professionally handles computations, often with the aid of a device like an abacus or slide rule.
pearlsbs about 2 years ago
The history of computers goes back more than 2,000 years if you include the Antikythera mechanism as a type of computer.
eromlig about 2 years ago
An old man is on his deathbed. His three adult sons (for you ethnic joke fans, their names are Pablo, Pierre, and Mamout) are gathered around him, and after his eyes have been closed for awhile, one speaks up. “I don’t think we need to buy Dad a big, fancy funeral,” he says. “A short notice in the newspaper will be enough.”
“We don’t need to buy him an expensive casket, either,” says the second son. “A plain wooden box will do just fine.”
“Box, schmox,” chimes in the third. “I say we just cremate him and put the ashes in a paper bag!”
Just then the man’s eyes flutter open. Weakly, he says, “Boys, I’m about to die. But I have to come clean with you; this has been weighing heavily on my conscience for some time.”
“What is it, Dad? Tell us, please,” the oldest boy says.
“Well, boys, your mother and I never actually got married.”
The sons look at each other in stark amazement. Finally the youngest son stammers, “You mean we’re…we’re…”
“Yup,” the old man says. “Cheap ones, too.”
Chris Overman about 2 years ago
These look like the punch cards used in jacquard weaving looms.
Zykoic about 2 years ago
Whoever weaved that computer story is pulling the wool over you.
Lafsalot Premium Member about 2 years ago
Believe I Or Not: There is a German Bread Institute!
James Wolfenstein about 2 years ago
“German bread institute.” and we wonder why the economy is in the dumps all around the world… :D
Huckleberry Hiroshima about 2 years ago
“Hmmm… this wine has a sort of biting aroma….so does this stew… so does this.. DOCTOR!”
Take care, may legend in her own mind Pepsodent jingle singer Gladys “You’ll Wonder Where The Yellow Went” Chordord be with you, and gesundheit.
DawnQuinn1 about 2 years ago
Women have no use for a man with only 0.7 inches.
198.23.5.11 about 2 years ago
They probably come up with a different name depending on what kind of seed they put in the bread.
Will E. Makeit Premium Member about 2 years ago
those same doctors reported similar cases involving Joe Biden and Kackala Harris having their heads deeply ensconced in their gastrointestinal tracts…
J. R. M. about 2 years ago
Only 3000 types of bread are recognized? I guess the rest are all unrecognizable like the time I tried to bake.
J. R. M. about 2 years ago
Does anyone remember the old telex machines from a few decades ago? Some of the experienced telex operators could decipher messages simply by reading the punch holes on the strip.
FassEddie about 2 years ago
Italian Bread
Two older men were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high, and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the shop owner asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any Italian bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it, would you like some?” He said, “I want five loaves.” She said, “My goodness, five loaves, it’ll get hard.”
He replied, “Does everybody in the world know about this Italian bread but me?”
poppacapsmokeblower about 2 years ago
Does the German Bread Institute need a tase tester? I’m available, just need to bone up on my Deutsch.
moondog42 Premium Member about 2 years ago
People who don’t believe the tooth story should look up what a child’s skull looks like
mindjob about 2 years ago
With the grain shortage in Ukraine, not only can’t Germans bake bread, but they also can’t brew beer. Now maybe they’ll send some military aid
ekke about 2 years ago
Well, yeah, but the “computing” illustration is of jacquard loom “programming” cards, which really don’t compute anything; the holes just denote what color tuft to put in next. Sort of like calling punch cards or paper tape “computing.” Computing as in real computation started with the purely theoretical difference engine designed by Charles Babbage in the 1820s. Designed but never completely constructed, as the metalworking technology of the day was insufficient. One wasn’t actually constructed until a few decades ago, and then as a historical curiosity.
But yeah, right about 200 years, so RBION gets that, for digital computers anyway. For analog computers, you have to go back to the middle ages for orreries, or to the grandfather orrery of all, the Antikythera mechanism (which pearlsbs mentions).
Bilan about 2 years ago
The age of computers really depends on what the definition of a computer is. Is it electronic? Does it read a program? Can it run different programs? Does it need to output a result? Does it output information?
The only thing you could say for certain is that it must change it’s values depending on the previous value is and what the new input is. By that definition alone, an abacus counts as a computer.