Loose Parts by Dave Blazek for January 26, 2022

Model R2 cook D2na.

Next week, your robot replacement will arrive. It will be holding a cup of coffee.

It’s almost like Tony never left.

They are robot fish, which explains all the sparking.

I am aware of breakroom etiquette.

My wife makes this concoction that she calls soup and I call vegetable slurry. It is made up of leftovers. It never tastes the same, is always delicious and has enough vitamins to keep an adult going for abut two months.

The problem is that it is so dense, it is impervious to microwaves. It could be used to shield nuclear reactors. So when you put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, the top and sides of the container approach that of the surface of the sun while the interior stays at refrigerator temperature.

After each “nuking” you have to take it out and stir it around. You need to repeat this process about seven times all to the growing impatience of the queue forming behind you.

This is why I schedule my lunches outside “prime time.”

…and here I thought he was warming up his cup of oil…

People that open a can of sardines in the break room are just as bad.

We had a guy, non-Korean by the way, who heated his kimchi for lunch. That got quickly banned.

The curry tuna hotdish can be annoying.

As long as he doesn’t burn popcorn in it…

I was sitting in the break room one day when a coworker asked “who keeps leaving the microwave door open?” I answered, “I do”. When asked why, I explained, “So your pastry doesn’t taste like my pizza”. In other words, let it air out a bit. Don’t know if that’s proper etiquette, but it seemed right at the time.

The husband of a former colleague worked for a company in Silicon Valley that had microwave ovens on one side of the break room with signs that said, in several languages and graphics, “NO FISH.” And an equal number on the other side that said “FISH ONLY.” He said that the penalty for cooking fish in the wrong oven was having to replace the misused oven.

It’s okay. It’s still under warranty.

If he burns the microwave popcorn, it’s grounds for immediate dismantle.

So I’m not the only one that can’t stand fish in the microwave.

what is worse is making butter flavor popcorn in the breakroom.