Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for May 26, 2021

Absolutely!

I could never figure that out either. As long as somebody’s paying what do they care.

What they can do to you is steal your identity. As they start to gain access to more of your accounts, and learn more about you, they can impersonate you in order to steal money or merchandise from some unlucky seller, and leave you with a huge mess to straighten out.

When I was hospitalized, a friend tried to pay my water bill; after explaining, she was told that I could pay it after getting home. Our gas company has two payment starting points – login and “guest payment”; she had to enter my name and address plus amount to pay but saw none of my account info.

BOT: Welcome to XYZ customer service. Para Española matcho ocho.

BOT: Please enter your 53-digit account number followed by the pound key.

BOT: Please enter your 4-digit pin. Followed by the star key.

BOT: Please note that our menu options have changed. To find out the status of your bill press 1. To request new service press 2. To terminate service press 3. To order new equipment press 4. To … To speak to an agent, press tilde. To repeat these options press 9.

YOU: Press 1

BOT: You have pressed 2, request new service. Is this correct?

You: No.

Bot: Welcome to XYZ customer service …

YOU: (Finally get through the next 16 levels of menus).

BOT: All of our agents are currently busy assisting other customers. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

BOT: 45 minutes of muzak plus ads for the company’s products.

BOT: (Phone rings.) Please note calls may be monitored for quality assurance.

Agent: (in heavy Indian accent), “Hello my name is George. May I have your 53-digit account number?

YOU: Go through the 20 questions including dog’s maiden name and nuclear launch codes.

Agent: I am sorry, you need another department. Let me transfer you.

Phone: (Dial Tone)

(Queue the music) I gotta be me!

Press “9” if you prefer death to phone tag …

FINALLY! Something really funny that applies to everybody. . .was tired of all the body sh. . .uh, stuff. . .

Who makes the call Aunty? You or the bill collector?

You need a second factor authentication because your name isn’t as unique as you think and you honestly have no idea how many people don’t know their account number, phone number, or PIN when making payments.

Recently, while trying to get info on what I needed to prove who I am, I was told my name on a water bill would work. I said I don’t get a water bill because I have a well. She was shocked that people still have wells. She said some other bill and I told her that would be in my husbands name. She said you can have your husband write a note. I thought my brain would explode.

You’re call is very important to us. Just not important enough to pick up the phone.

If you can deposit, you can withdraw.

I called the Treasury Department in regards to changing my bank account information because the bank closed. After verifying all of the information, name, account, address, secret questions and everything I was told thank you and I need to mail in a form witnessed by a bank official not a notary and mail it in. All to verify what he read on his computer screen.

I once asked my Bank why they would not allow total Strangers to deposit money Into my account.

They could not explain Why that policy existed.