Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for May 30, 2020

Which lab tests “over the past few years” produced results that predicted how a baby would behave as a teen?

“Mommy, is it too soon for me to get cavities like all the other kids? I want to meet them at the dentist!”

Determined Essentials.

This regimen guarantees happiness, unless your child is resistant to the goodness that is sugar. Such children are deficient, joyless mutants who will be rejected by normal boys and girls. Keep them at the bottom of a dry well and feed them hákarl and buttermilk until they are of sufficient age and development to toil in the sauerkraut mines.

Always remember… The sooner worm can ditch the bird.

Since the scientific evidence (in the form of the smiling baby) clearly proves sugary beverages help pre teens at “fitting in” during their formative years, the FA™ comment section is a case study in post natal sugary beverage deficiency.

Now I understand.

My parents were obviously being paid to deny me sugary beverages, by the scientific institutions running the tests.

I want my fair share of the money for my work!

Just don’t google images for baby bottle tooth decay.

…soda, it makes the girls easy and the boys hard…

…this is a direct Donald Trump quote…

…but to get the maximum affects from the power that is soda, mothers had to smoke a pack of unfiltered Lucky Strikes a day since conception…

…this is still believed in certain sections of the Froglandia church…

…but don’t ask what padre Godzilla taught me removed acne and black heads…

…who doesn’t think a gal holding a Coke A Cola in her hand isn’t able to put in her 2 cents worth…

…they give wax candy pop bottles to get them hooked…

…science also shows if an artist puts their signature on a late 50’s magazine ad, it instantly becomes art…

…(old Andy Warhol quote)…

http://hoaxes.org/weblog/comments/start_cola_earlier_says_the_soda_pop_board_of_america

Ah, the Good Old Days, when purveyors of swill could collude and promote their product as nectar.

I also like it that they have both “soda” and “pop” mentioned, covering all dialectic bases. Except for the South.

The Milk man and Soda man…

Man O Man lay one on my front porch..

Caffeine Caffeine by Alice Cooper

Breast fed by the FBI

Most Wanted poster…

Baby Face Nelson

Who knew?

So it is written … so it shall be done …!

“He gives the kids free samples because he knows full well…”—Tom Lehrer, “The Old Dope Peddler”

I seem to recall Mom telling me that as an infant I drank my formula from a re-used Pepsi-Cola bottle (it was WW II days, and all things were scarce and/or expensive). I don’t know who drank the Pepsi….

So this is a fake ad? I don’t know what to believe anymore.

I found an ad in a 1946 medical journal whose tag line is “More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.” I now have a copy hanging in my hall.