Garfield by Jim Davis for June 16, 2020

I’ve got some: My first car was a chariot. I knew Bigfoot when he wore booties. I used a club as my cane. My first Christmas was THE first Christmas! Anyone else got some?

And Garfield so old that he lived with saber-tooth tigers.

Garfield is so old that dogs were one-celled critters.

I’m so stiff and sore, I must have early-onset Rigor Mortis.

I’m so old when I was young sand was still rocks.

“I’m so old, I knew the Dead Sea before it became ill.” “I’m so old, when I enlisted, our weapons were bows and arrows.” “I’m so old, I remember when the pharaoh couldn’t decide on the shape of his tombstone: cube, prism, cylinder, cone, or pyramid.” “I’m so old, when God said ‘Let there be light’, I already had two pending bills.” “I’m so old my club lifetime membership expired. Three times.”

I’m so old, my first telephone was attached to the wall.

… Tell that to kids nowadays and see what they say.

I’m so old that fire hadn’t been invented.

I’m so old the first time I got exhausted was from dragging myself out of the sea…

Is Garfield finally embracing his old age?

I’m so old I knew Adam and Eve when they were babies.

I’m so old that I remember when Jack Benny was actually 39!

I’m so old, my first business card had no zip code in the address.

“I was born about 10,000 years ago.

There ain’t nothing in this world that I don’t know.

I saw Peter, Paul and Moses

Playing Ring Around the Roses

An I’ll whup the guy who says it isn’t so.”

I’m so old that my childhood diet really was Paleo!

OK, tomorrow, you or somebody should wear a birthday hat or something.

Also, how about this: I’m so old, I saw the first creature.

I’m so old I fart dust.

I want to die in my sleep as my grandfather did, and not screaming in terror like the others in his car.

Many of you are way too young, but go look up the comedy sketch ‘The thousand year old man’ Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner.

When my grandfather got sick and needed a doctor, he’d ask for us to call a paleontologist.

I am so old I was on the design team for dirt.

My driver’s license number is “1”.

I don’t get the one about tenderizer being used on pudding.

I’m so old, I remember when – well, actually I’m so old I can’t remember what it is I remember . . . . .

My niece had no idea how to work a Walkman™ I still have.

I’m so old, I had to walk up to the television just to change the channel.

At least it’s not like on “Codename: Kids Next Door”, with the conversation between Numbuh 2’s grandmother and Count Spankulot talking about what happened back in their day. And I at least remember one of them saying, “Back in my day, a jawbreaker used to be a piece of caramel and a punch in the mouth!”.

I’m so old, I have wrinkles on my wrinkles…

Wanna talk about ancient stuff? Rotary phones…..

The frustrating part about being an Old Fart Comedian is that a lot of my Pop Culture references go right over the heads of those young Whipper Snappers.

I’m so old, when I was in Sunday school, the Old Testament was just called the Testament!

When I was born, the timeline was just a dot!

Looks like if Garfield’s watching tv in the computer

⅋ ¡ I may not be quite that old, but I am older than my father. He died at 62; I’m 73. ¡ &

There’s no joke like an old joke!

Wasn’t his name Orville?

My first pet actually was a dinosaur. Or at least a direct descendant (parakeet).

Lots of people have pet dinosaurs.

Welcome to “The Geezer Hour” where old people ramble and jabber about any topic that they want, just the ladies do on “The View” daily. #geezertelevision :)

Along the lines of that particular brand of “humor”, it’s about as funny as a screen door in a submarine.

Why is he watching the Biden Hour?

clothes? That’s new.

can we hunt with clubs during covid

I am writing inside of a fossil of my pet dinosaur dear diary this is boring.

Since the old man of the mountain collapsed, I can say I have outlived a geologic feature.

I heard of a politician so old that he could remember back to a time when he didn’t deserve to be convicted.

Is that Fred Flintstone

i’m so old i have a signed bible, i still owe adam and eve 5 dollars

This is actually quite funny