Tom Toles for March 12, 2020

Whatever causes people to start thinking again has to be better than them sucking up the Orange Koolaid. Though I’m very much afraid that we’re going to see many thousands of deaths from this. And a big hit to my 401-K.

So Trump said novel coronavirus (COVID-19) was a hoax, and all the conservatives gathered at CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference), shook hands with as many of each other as they could, embraced, sneezed all over each other and then looked for more hands to shake. They all laughed and ridiculed efforts to actually listen to disease experts, downplayed the risks and made fun of science, as they typically do.

Congressman Matt Gaetz ridiculed COVID-19 by wearing a gas mask on the House floor. He subsequently learned that a constituent in his district had died from the infection, and later tested positive himself, despite riding with Trump on Air Force Once. Doug Collins, who also attended CPAC, was later seen shaking hands with Trump in one of those long, extended Trump super-shakers, after which Trump went down a rope line of worshippers shaking every hand he could get ahold of. Seven more Republican House members have tested positive. Trump has refused to be tested but is taking no precautions.

Darwin at work? Will humans evolve to a state of post-Trumpian advancement?

Coronavirus (COVID-19)? The current White House is infected with an epidemic of CORUPTOVIRUS-45.

A little off topic here: I found it interesting to watch the doctors and politicians addressing the public. They were all squeezing together to get in on the camera shot.

Let’s Keep Our Distance – {4 beats/line}

Let’s boycott the prez // via “social distance”.

Whatever he sez, // Let’s shout in resistance: -

- “We reject The Donald and his groveling assistants.”

Twixt Trump and Democracy there’s no coexistence.

. . . . . . . . . . .

{Off-topic:}

A Feckless Prez – {limerick}

This crisis he tries to evade,

lest it rain on The Donald’s parade, …

… so Trump has delayed

even first aid; -

- his fecklessness thereby displayed.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

If only a large majority could take Lisa Simpson’s advice to thwart the attack of the 50 foot eyesores: “Just don’t look”. Ignore this serial attention whore, and he goes away.

Donald Trump gave a strange speech last night — strange even for him — about the viral pandemic. He has modes of speaking that alternate between arm-waving Wise Guy, at his political rallies and impromptu quips; and the TelePrompTer Zombie at many of his official addresses.

One mode is full of distortions and outright lies that entertain and mislead his supporters, convincing many. The other mode is meant to convince the wide nation, supporters and not; but due to an undertone of insipid self-congratulation and arrogance is unconvincing and unsatisfying for most.

Is he a political martyr taunting his imagined torturers, mocking their fagots of criticism laid at his feet, even tossing them back at them? Or is he a puzzled, subdued saint given temporary glossolalia, droning in a language he doesn’t really know?

To reference and imitate a line from the short story by Flannery O’Connor, “A Good Man is Hard to Find,” let me change it to “A Good Trump is Hard to Find,” with the character’s comment near the end as: “He would’ve been a good president,” said the Critic, “if it had been a Coronavirus there to contradict him every minute of his life.”

And to imitate in paraphrase the point of an O’Connor essay: Time after time, Trump fumbles every opportunity for a redemptive act. His sense of wrong is so diluted that he is incapable of facing the idea of ethical restoration. He mocks damnation and innocence both, and succeeds taking part of the nation with him.

The great ignoramus is out there on his own, lying freely while the world burns.

Republicans don’t care at all.

The elephant is backing away from him so slowly that it even looks like he’s still moving towards him.

You just know that the resident is incurably addicted to gigantic rallies where he can bask in the adulation of his mindless sycophants, so go for it, dude! Stage ’em by the dozens. And at every one of them, tens of thousands of your stupid supporters will show up, infect each other, and proceed to demonstrate how evolution works, even if none of them believe in it themselves.

I don’t wish anyone ill, but I do wish that there were more people who thought of us as a world with problems that all have to work together on to find positive solutions that benefit everyone, not just one alt-reality tribe. We need bridges, not walls. We need truth not concocted stories from alt-realities.

{Off-topic:}

Consequences of Virus-mishandling – {4 beats/line}

His virus-mishandling must surely portend

the Trumpian tenure’s approaching its end.

The message his ineptness will clearly send

is “Don’t count on ME to our problems to attend!!” …

… Will his base’s voters upon him descend

to withdraw their support, to their praises suspend,

and to their previous vote for The Donald amend? …

… Will Fox-ish pundits nonetheless recommend

their prez as humanity’s very best friend?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Social distancing” is what the orange-utan has done all its life. I wonder what’ll be its pay off in the end?

Vice-President Pence said this morning that there has been some “irresponsible rhetoric” concerning the coronavirus outbreak. Now where in the world would he get that idea? /s

Trump had dinner on Saturday sitting next to a person who has COVID-19. https://www.axios.com/brazil-bolsonaro-coronavirus-trump-meeting-mar-a-lago-bed77ec8-f768-4d8d-a6b0-ae463361e558.html

[with insincere apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan]

I am the very model of a new and deadly vi-er-us

Plunging stocks and losses mounting? No need to call the IRS

Just do what Pontius always did, and wash your hands quite thoroughly

Or catch a case of Cov 19— in all its deadly purity

Remember when you sneeze to do the famous fabled Dracula

(And snort into your elbow but by no means to your scapula)

Avoid all crowds, or even folks—the hermits have the right idea

Remember that the virus never fears us, only fears a fear

You must always wear your mask, whether Halloween or Labor Day

We’ll get right through this tiny jolt if only we all kneel and pray

With Preacher Pence our Exodus from viral Egypt is assured

And on our exit we must all to Donald Trump flip QUITE a bird!

Steve Bannon used to be Trump’s brain, and now it’s Stephen Miller. Miller undoubtedly wrote that “speech” and Trump undoubtedly understood an odd word or two here or there…….

My personal theory is that Stormy Daniels spanked Trump’s head instead of his ass—it might explain a few things………

I’ll bet, if trump had a rally tomorrow, they would pack the house.

{Off-topic:}

We’ll Scowl at Trump – {4 beats/line}

Americans correctly had understood

that things under Trump most certainly would

turn out to be // absolutely no good; -

- and now we see // the likelihood

that Trumpish debris // will kill our esprit

and make us scowl // and mournfully yowl.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It just sounds too much like Socialism to the average Trumpanzee.

Trump: “We have a very heavily tested, if an American’s coming back, or anybody is coming back, we’re testing, we have a tremendous testing set up where people coming have to be tested and if they are positive and if they are able to get through, because if they’re, frankly, if they’re not, we’re not putting them on planes, if they’re, if it shows positive, but if they are, if they do come here they have to, we’re quarantine, it’s going to be a pretty strong enforcement of quarantine, look, the key is you have to have separation…”

.

Do even The Disciples still believe these LIES?

Is there anything Trump does not lie about?

Seriously, anything?

One can only hope they all receive the ironic butt kicking they so richly deserve