Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 26, 2012

“Hold my beer and watch this… "

" Nah, you don’t have to unplug it ! "

“Now you see me…now you don’t.”

“Hey Bubba,hold my beer. I wanna show ya a stunt.”

yes dear, i’ll get right on it

“My dad used to do it this way all the time.”

“Fine, you look fat in those.”

Yeah, Yeah, I will fix the brakes tomorrow, when I have time.

Here, Give me the screwdriver!!!

one more scotch isn’t gonna kill me

Read somewhere about a footballer who was using a knife to extract his toast which was stuck in the toaster. His roommate pointed out how unsafe that was so he switch to a fork. I believe he is still in the land of the living.

“Any fool can do this.”

“Got no idea where we put the instruction manual; so who needs a manual?”

“I’m here to pick up your hot, readily available, well stacked daughter, Mr Jones”

“I don’t think these are the poisonous kind”.

g-martin, Women’s dept……"dr bff, drving fst as i can cu at ur place soon luv….deb….

If I saw this limb.The dead tree will fall over.

Nah… I don’t need that. Helmets are for sissies.

There’s a right way and a wrong way to do things. There’s no doubt as to which way these guys did it.

“I only need glasses for up close, not driving.”

The most danger words you will ever hear (from W01 helicopter pilot trainee) hey, watch this sh**.

See, I told you it wouldn’t ….Awwww… Crap…………!

Y’all think that was something, just watch this.

You got a bad feeling about this? What are you, some kind of a wuss?

In the women’s department: He said, “I’m sorry”

i need to quit this before it kills me

Come on Wiley, there’s 9 to go :-)

“Don’t worry, I floss while driving all the time”

Na! I called. they should have ti turned off by now.

I can still drive with my knee..mightaswellbe: D’oh

No, this one is the ground wire….

“Aw, we don’t need to spend money on a roofing company, just had me that ladder!!!!”

*hand :)

“I’ll bet this thing will make it all the way across.”

“The bobcat doesn’t look so tough.”

“It’s only a bull. That’s like a cow, right?”

“The Internet says you can do it this way.”

“It was working yesterday…”“I wonder what’s down here…”“Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of room…”

I don’t see why this shouldn’t work ….

my father was an accident investigator in the Air Force before he retired. he said most last words of pilots were “oh, sh**…”

what ‘hot wire’ I turned the breaker off…..

one quarter of all snake bite victims have tattoos, and alcohol is involved…one wonders how many people died, trying to emulate Steve Irwin.

not worry, can make the signal on the yellow light……

Whooops!

I can beat that train easy…

Oh, hi dear. Her? She’s just a friend.

Hold the wheel, while I take this call.

yah, really. actual news blurb: she died of injuries recieved in the wreck, after impaling an eye with a mascara brush. say WHAT?

What a stupid guy

Where’s ‘Look Ma, No hands!’

“I dare you!”

That’s what I thought of when I saw the “Don’t worry. I can do two things at once.” epitaph. That doesn’t seem to me to be a particularly male failing.

(On a two lane road, after dark) “I think that is his left headlight”

Me putting a radio in the tub with me…whats the worst thats going to happen

I know someone that cleans out a toaster with a metal knife while it’s plugged in. I’m waiting for her to join this graveyard on the female side.

And the final, final words, Men’s Dep’t; “I thought the pains would just go away by themselves.”

I told you I was sick.

how about “Watch This!”

See, I told you I was sick.

“That’s other people, not me!”

“What the. . .?”

Do I look worried?

“Step aside and let me show you how it’s done!”

how hard can it be?

hey, rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.

i can chew gum and walk at the same time

gas will never be $ ________ in my lifetime.

i didn’t hack your voicemail

let’s go to iraq, and find those wmds.

when in doubt, use c4…

kid telling his parents that he is going to the gathering of the juggalos.

“How bad can not voting be?”

OK, trolls, do your stuff! You only have an hour and 25 minutes! Ha! No carry overs until tomorrow!

“That looks like one of those drones… "

“Hey, if there’s no fuzzy stuff growing on it – then it must be safe to eat!”.“Here little lady, let me help you with that (piano, giant dresser, stalled SUV…).”

How hard could it be?

We don’t need all these government safety regulations.

“Naw, I know this road like the back …”