Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for August 07, 2022

Another salute to our brave fellow citizens wearing the uniform of our country. And to the officers thereof, I’ll even use all my fingers:

A Light Colonel has just received his full-bird rank, and he enters his brand-new office with pristine furniture and fixtures. He sits behind his desk, and just as he starts to settle in, there’s a knock at his door. “Come in,” he says, but, as the enlisted man enters his office, the Colonel, filled with his own sense of self-importance, picks up the telephone on his desk and begins speaking into it. “Yes, Mister President. Yes, that’s my advice to you and the First Lady; you’d be wise to heed it!” He hangs up the phone, then addresses the corporal who is standing at the doorway holding a bag of tools. “Well, what do you want? Can’t you see I’m a busy man?”The Sergeant says, “Yes, Sir, I see that. I’ve just come in to install your telephone, Sir.”

That is one ugly person playing Pac-Man, not trying to be rude! Sorry ugly person

One time I had three light up organs.

One time completed 257 levels. One time I had a score of 3,333,361.

May the Lord be with you as He is with me.

More states really should have official state meals. That’s something people can really get competitive about.

The headlight beetle also has a third bioluminescent spot in a similar position to a firefly (which are also beetles, by the way), which is actually brighter than the “headlights”, but which is only visible while in flight.

Unlike fireflies, the headlight beetle can’t turn their light off, but they can make it flash brighter for a moment when alarmed.

Ooooo …. I could really go fer that meal! No fast food fer me, just good home cookin’ !

Pac man found out Mrs. Pac man was cheating on him.

He decided to ghost her in response.

Does that mean that if you don’t like okra, you can’t be an Okie?

That looks like Chuckie playing PacMan.

There’s an old joke about a farmhand, who after breakfast, suggested to the farmer that they have lunch now, and then get to their chores. Then he said, “Let’s have supper now, and then do chores all day.” But once supper was over, the farmhand got himself ready for bed, saying, “I always go to bed right after supper.”

That is the last meal death-row inmates get.

On the topic of food

A man calls Pizza Hut to order a pizza…

CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How do you know that?

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER: WHAT THE #### !!!

(continued)

That Oklahoma meal helps us understand a lot about Oklahoma.

Take care, may renowned Jamaican Pyrophorus Nyctophanus rider Abisai “Bully At School No Call Me Crazy Shorty Anymore When See Me Race Down Street On Little Monster Bug With Bright Headlight” Chillumord be with you, and gesundheit.

How does a chicken fry a steak? Wouldn’t it’s feathers get singed?

Seriously what is chicken fried steak?

Right before barf o’clock

The official Oklahoma meal overlooked the beef lobby.

Sold! All my favorites. Does Oklahoma deliver? Wonderful variety on a daily basis.

The kid playing PAC-Man: is that Chucky’s sister?

So you become Sloth if you play too much Pac-Man???

GAAH!!! It’s after 10 a.m. but it’s still too early in the morning to see a face like that.

That ‘official meal’ in Oklahoma is a buffet and not a meal…

Oklahoma’s meal sounds great!

November 16, 1907, Oklahoma and Indian Territories officially dissolved, and the State of Oklahoma was admitted to the Union as the 46th state. Over half the state was declared indian reservation by SCOTUS in 2020 (https://www.npr.org/2020/07/09/889562040/supreme-court-rules-that-about-half-of-oklahoma-is-indian-land). It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that the under represented population would have responded “Eat Me!” as the official meal of that state.

In 1990 Oklahoma ranked 31st in obesity among states in the US. In 2021, it is in 10th place. Change from 1990 to 2021: Up 237.9%

And the Aussies all celebrated the solar event by dancing with kangaroos to the tune of Waltzing Mathilda as interpreted by Jim Jefferies on his wind operated wallaby pipes and didgeridoo nostril horn adapted for wandering ale enthusiasts in the area.

Take care, may insomniac Pac-Man player Mark “Beeple-Beep Bah-Weebuleedoo” Ghostord be with you, and gesundheit.

I put a lot of quarters in Pac-Man machines back in the ’80s. I got over a million points a few times, but it gets really hard when the monsters are faster than you…

But during the backouts, people watching TV got to see the last episode of season one of Dallas.

That meal sounds like a lot of meals in the south.

I presume oklahomans have weight and cholesterol issues….