Close to Home by John McPherson for November 04, 2021

But the Dispensary was out of leeches…

And he thought having crabs was bad.

But do you know?

It will as soon as you throw them in a pot of boiling water!

Almost as bad as having crabs! Give me three liters of drawn butter, stat!

But all the other patients are laughing – and ya know THAT’S the best medicine

Well, I’m offended by this gag and so is my emotional-support lobster!

I don’t blame Bleeb for keeping to the high ground while the lobsters are down there.

There is too much life in the old guy, lobsters eat (scavenge) only dead stuff.

Doctor: “Where does it hurt? What does I feel like?” Patient: “I feel a pinch here and here. And over there and over there, and here and there, and there and here, …”

That’s because you’re doing it wrong…they are supposed to be applied under the gown.

Egad!! I thought that was the second worse case of crabs I’ve ever seen. But no, it’s the worst case of lobsters I’ve ever seen.

I don’t know. It seems to be working. That is the most life we have seen out of him in years.

Time to change course…bring in the suckers….

Just boil them and get some butter. Now I’m hungry!

Spider therapy is next! That will get some readers.

“Nurrrrrrrrse!!”

“Yes Mister Johnson!?”

“If this is supposed to be lunch… then it’s undercooked!”

Hey, probably better than blood letting.

It’s not working? Release the Kraken!

“The journal article said that they used crabs but we figured ‘the bigger the better’, right?”

Great! Now, treat him for shell shock!

“See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!

They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and join the dance?

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?"

—C.L. Dodgson

One thing for sure, with the current high price for lobster, this therapy is going to cost him an arm and a leg.

I don’t know, it’s taken his mind off what other problem was.

“Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?”

Although there are better treatments, the lobster therapy will do in a pinch.

Dead lobsters tell no tails.

Should have read his insurance coverage more carefully…he missed the lobster clause.

I don’t think they gave it a fair try.

I see the problem; you wanted doc lobsters, and you got rock lobsters instead.

You are supposed to eat them not let them eat you!

It’s working great for the lobsters.

Say adios to your left eye, old timer!

At least he doesn’t have crabs.