Pickles by Brian Crane for November 10, 2021

I cook many of my dinners. Wife always has the same recommendation; “Turn the fan on!”

Next, they’ll find out what happens when you dunk 20 year old potato chips in dip.

When my MIL passed away. She left 35 boxes of green jello. Many were 20 years old or older. Her signature dish was green jello, marshmallows, crushed pineapple and cottage cheese salad. Little did we know….

Spouse is unable to tolerate soy protein, even as much as they put into a can of tuna (I bet you never knew). Even as much as they put into a loaf of bread as “yeast food”. So we have NEVER had imitation bacon on our shelves, and we never will. Fortunately, there’s a substitute that tastes better, has a better texture, smells good, and can be easily created by subjecting uncooked bacon to the appropriate amount of heat for an appropriate amount time. And you can do this ANY TIME YOU WANT! And there are NEVER leftover bits, because SOMEONE in the house will always eat them. (I’m not saying who, but it’s not the cat).

You and your big mouth, Earl Jedidiah* Pickles.

*That’s just me being inventive.

It’s about time he had to do something around there. Let’s see if you do any better Earl.

Should have married someone who can cook Earl

Do I wanna know what “imitation bacon bits” (old or not) could ever be?

Must be liver. Even the 20-year-old bacon bits would taste better.

Some things are better left unsaid – especially if you’re going to say it in a sarcastic way.

In life as in the military, never EVER mess with the cook or the paymaster.

Opal great way to get a dinner date !

I make just about all of my meals, didn’t kill me yet, came close a time or two, and do not mention the Thanksgiving dinner I made for my kids, they still talk about it and keep me away from the kitchen that day!

Know when to fold.

Once, long ago, my wife had a plaque in the dining room. It read: Sit at the table/And take a Good Look./The First To Complain/Is The Next Meals Cook.

I know you’ve had enough of his beefing, Opal…but is making him prepare the meals the best idea?

Recent strips? Who has anything on the shelf 20 years? And then eats it? And while we’re here, would anyone like a jar of Grape Jam from the A&P? I have a half dozen.

HA..!!!!!!!!!!!!! – That’ll teach ya to keep your yapper shut during dinner..!!!

Going to be a lot of takeouts.

Do what I do, Earl. Go out and buy your own damn salad toppings. And keep ‘em topped up. Have an extra hidden away. Three is two and one is none, man!

It’s better to keep your mouth shut Earl! Now look what you’ve done to yourself…hamburger helper maybe?

Icecream for dinner, cake at lunch and store bought chocolate chip waffles with whip cream.

The one from Sunday is up.

You know how imitation bacon bits get to be so old? It’s because many people stop after one taste of soy protein that was once in the vicinity of bacon flavoring. :) (:

He has no idea how cumbersome it is to come up with palatable ideas EVERY DAY FOR 60 YEARS!!!

OOPS

they are great on 20 year old Twinkies

Line from somewhere, I forget: Twinkies have so much preservatives in them that if you put one on a rail on a ship, in 100 years the Twinkie would be there but the rail wouldn’t.

How about using the moles on Earl’s head as a substitute?

Just before the next meal time she hears the doorbell ring. Pizza anyone??

Never, ever insult the cook. Always show appreciation. It encourages the cook to keep improving and look forward to the compliments. Any idiot who is too lazy to cook should learn this. I wonder if we will get a week of seeing him even try to cook?

“…and loving it.” to quote 86

Same here, bub, however mine have been frozen for 30 years. Good yet!

" . . . you know what would be a great topping on this?"