It’s been too long since I’ve picked on my fellow Irishmen. Time to start making up for that oversight:
O’Brien comes staggering into Murphy’s pub, beat black and blue. Murphy stops wiping down the counter and exclaims, “O’Brien, what in the world happened? Who beat you up so bad?” [Murphy, while a compassionate man, had little respect for the adverbial form.]
“T’was Flynn did this t’me,” O’Brien replies.
“Flynn?” Murphy replies, incredulously. “Why, that little squint could na’ have done this to you, unless he had somethin’ in his hand!”
“That he did,” said O’Brien. “He had a fireplace poker in his hand.”
“But did ye not have anythin’ in your own hand?”
“I did indeed – Mrs. Flynn’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was…but useless in battle.”
Gotta love DNA. I especially love cold case crimes that are solved after many years thanks to some stray DNA. I think all of society would benefit if every child born would have their DNA taken at birth and cataloged in a data base. Only the criminals would object to this “invasion of privacy.”
Ok, here is the other bass player joke I know. You have probably heard this. I don’t know why they pick on bass players.
The San Francisco Symphony season highlight this year was Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. They had a new conductor this year who everybody thought was a cool guy. Rehearsals for the piece went fine. Came the night for the performance, and after the opening Mozart Concerto and the intermission, the Symphony launched right into the Ninth.
All was going well during the first three parts. The final movement of the piece has no need for the bass players until the climax at the very end. Being it was the end of a long season, they decided in advance to quietly sneak out down to a nearby pub. They didn’t’ think they new conductor would mind, and after a drink, they could come back all refreshed for the big climax.
The bass players arrived back in time, but stumbled over their chair and instruments, noisily upsetting the patrons. The conductor didn’t know what to do. Here it was the bottom of the Ninth and the basses were loaded!
jasonsnakelover almost 3 years ago
Jou Ianxia One time I was 9 inches long.
One time I was 10 years old.
May the Lord be with you.
eromlig almost 3 years ago
It’s been too long since I’ve picked on my fellow Irishmen. Time to start making up for that oversight:
O’Brien comes staggering into Murphy’s pub, beat black and blue. Murphy stops wiping down the counter and exclaims, “O’Brien, what in the world happened? Who beat you up so bad?” [Murphy, while a compassionate man, had little respect for the adverbial form.]
“T’was Flynn did this t’me,” O’Brien replies.
“Flynn?” Murphy replies, incredulously. “Why, that little squint could na’ have done this to you, unless he had somethin’ in his hand!”
“That he did,” said O’Brien. “He had a fireplace poker in his hand.”
“But did ye not have anythin’ in your own hand?”
“I did indeed – Mrs. Flynn’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was…but useless in battle.”
Leojim almost 3 years ago
Well when you think about it, the last thing you were doing with that used food that you eject everyday, was absorbing nutrients.
Templo S.U.D. almost 3 years ago
Would it take two containers (one for each eye) of mascara for those 20.32-centimeter Chinese eyelashes?
Caldonia almost 3 years ago
I suppose You (not you, You) got used to having all those hairs in front of her eyes. Just to impress people. If you’ve got it, flaunt it.
Flynn White Premium Member almost 3 years ago
Ms. Jianxia was once asked what she does when she loses one. She exclaimed: “I lash out.”
Lotus almost 3 years ago
An 8-inch eyelash would be helpful in a close Olympic sprint.
tremaine53 almost 3 years ago
So… it was Colonel Mustard, in the Ballroom, with Half a Piece of Sausage.
cdnalor almost 3 years ago
Seems like a new look for Ripley’s today. A different artist or is it just the lettering that’s changed?
in-dubio-pro-rainbow almost 3 years ago
That’s why the mysterious cat burglar is never caught: I always eat the whole sausage. He! He!
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 3 years ago
And at nine years old she got 100 lashes for bragging about it.
Take care, may famed feces appraiser Mousy Tongueord be with you, and gesundheit.
Dolphin Lover almost 3 years ago
Great once again!
fuzzbucket Premium Member almost 3 years ago
How long is the statute of limitations in Germany?
The Sinistral Bassist Premium Member almost 3 years ago
The new lettering isn’t easy on the eyes
Camiyami Premium Member almost 3 years ago
Hmmm, What’s with the new layout? The font and everything is different, too. I hope it’s temporary! ;D
dv1093 almost 3 years ago
Gotta love DNA. I especially love cold case crimes that are solved after many years thanks to some stray DNA. I think all of society would benefit if every child born would have their DNA taken at birth and cataloged in a data base. Only the criminals would object to this “invasion of privacy.”
poppacapsmokeblower almost 3 years ago
What would be scary if the police found someone’s DNA in the wurst, that was neither the culprit’s, nor the pig’s.
mindjob almost 3 years ago
Ok, here is the other bass player joke I know. You have probably heard this. I don’t know why they pick on bass players.
The San Francisco Symphony season highlight this year was Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. They had a new conductor this year who everybody thought was a cool guy. Rehearsals for the piece went fine. Came the night for the performance, and after the opening Mozart Concerto and the intermission, the Symphony launched right into the Ninth.
All was going well during the first three parts. The final movement of the piece has no need for the bass players until the climax at the very end. Being it was the end of a long season, they decided in advance to quietly sneak out down to a nearby pub. They didn’t’ think they new conductor would mind, and after a drink, they could come back all refreshed for the big climax.
The bass players arrived back in time, but stumbled over their chair and instruments, noisily upsetting the patrons. The conductor didn’t know what to do. Here it was the bottom of the Ninth and the basses were loaded!
WCraft Premium Member almost 3 years ago
I see that often in drying mud puddles out in the country side!
J. R. M. almost 3 years ago
I can barely wash my face without losing an eyelash EVERYDAY.
JoshHere almost 3 years ago
Yucky day at RBION.
heathcliff2 almost 3 years ago
No DNA allowed beyond this.
Bilan almost 3 years ago
After analyzing the DNA, the German police came to the unmistakable conclusion . . . the cow was the burglar!
craigwestlake almost 3 years ago
And if she flutters her lashes there are tornados in Kansas…
Dan Tooker almost 3 years ago
8 inches long! How does she wipe her…… Oh wait. Never mind. I’m thinking of someone else.
Meranda almost 3 years ago
The new format is difficult to read!
Nancy Simpson almost 3 years ago
Ooh! The old idiot told an even older boob joke. Next up? His Irish pee pee joke.
pbr50138 almost 3 years ago
HOW did she get her eyelashes to even grow?