Cul de Sac by Richard Thompson for December 17, 2018

way to slip your tongue, Mrs. Otterloop

The beard is out of the bag now.

Tell Alice that the beard was real, then he got lice, so he shaved and now it’s fake.

Why would you think that every Santa has a fake beard? I see the real thing all the time.

Not to worry, Mom! Most of what you say sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher to Alice anyway!

Too late, missus. You’ve planted the seeds of cold, hard reality in your child. Now it’s up to Petey to turn this around into some ethereal alternate universe for her.

More and more places are looking for men with real white beards now instead of fakes. Our rector has a beard – and the body to go with it – and has sometimes worked as a mall Santa.

And this is why my kids were always told that the Santas at the mall aren’t the real Santa, but elves and helpers.

My friend Larry always grew a real beard. He started growing it in August each year, and had an annual “beard shaving” party every Christmas Eve. Larry was our local Santa for 45 years, and sadly passed away last year. https://www.newwestrecord.ca/community/new-westminster-mourns-loss-of-santa-larry-1.23194498

Kevin is a stupid bucket head anyway.

Sugar, attention diverter and negotiation tool since time immemorial.

Maintaining a lie can be difficult. It also teaches kids that lying is okay.

Just explain that he isn’t Santa. One of his agents since Santa is very busy at Antarctica, his home base since 1904. The original North Pole.

Good save, Momma!

I remember the old joke about how to ge rid of crabs. It involved gasoline and an ice pick.

Which one is real, Jesus from Nazareth or Santa Claus? How do we know?

Good save, Madeline! Hot chocolate should distract Alice from the f*k* you-know-who!