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Pearls Before Swine

By Stephan Pastis
Feb 12, 2018
Small u 201701251613
Feb 14, 2018
Small u 201701251613
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    BE THIS GUY GC Insider 9 days ago

    But you’re tastier than your friend.

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    GeifuKe  9 days ago

    I assume that his friend could be part Salami.

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    Adiraiju  9 days ago

    Pigs have been domesticated by societies all over the Old World. Pig could have some diverse ancestry… then again, it matters less where you’re from as where you’re going.

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    SquawkTron  9 days ago

    Poor Pig.

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    Bilan  9 days ago

    What a rip-off. It doesn’t tell him whether he’s Canadian bacon or …

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    x_Tech GC Insider 9 days ago

    Well, at least they didn’t call you pork butt.

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    PICTO  9 days ago

    I took one of those tests and found out that, besides having a sister in England that I didn’t know about, Grannies lie.

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    Say What Now‽ GC Insider 9 days ago

    I sure would like a BLT right now.

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    chris_weaver  9 days ago

    Pig’s friend will be happy to know that he’s less than six degrees separated from bacon!

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    Kyle of Lochalsh  9 days ago

    Pig could have Europeqan Boar or middle easterrn Swine dna, that analysis has a paucity of information!!

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    Brass Orchid GC Insider 9 days ago

    According to a new study, no pig is one hundred percent bacon.

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    misterdantes  9 days ago

    Not too shabby for a relative, the “In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present” guy.

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    Kaputnik  9 days ago

    Could be worse. It didn’t tell you that you’re Spam.

    And how would you react to learning that you’re 20% beef?

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    aerotica69  9 days ago

    On the other hand, bacon is the answer to all the great philosophical questions, so Pig has that going for him.

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    Masterskrain GC Insider 9 days ago

    But what about Ham, Spareribs, Pork Chops…??

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    jessie d. GC Insider 9 days ago

    The great tragedy here is we sold the Smithfield ham company to China. They fell in love with our pork products. So Pig is saving his bacon for the great Red Horde.

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    tripwire45  9 days ago

    Really? No ham or pork chops?

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    Alexikakos  9 days ago


    Ah, Pig, your fate is determined; you’re mother was quite the “tomato,” and saucy with it.



    by: Barbara Stacy


    New York Established 1834


    Spaghetti with Bacon and Tomato Sauce



    3 tablespoons chopped onion

    1/4 pound bacon, chopped

    1/2 tablespoon olive oil

    1 1/2 pounds Italian plum tomatoes, peeled and chopped



    1 pound spaghetti

    1 cup grated Pecorino or Parmesan cheese


    Sauté the onion and bacon in olive oil until they are golden.   Add tomatoes, salt, and pepper, and cook over high heat for 10 minutes.  Meanwhile, cook the spaghetti according to directions on package and drain well.  Serve the sauce over the spaghetti and sprinkle with cheese.  SERVES 4.


    I had no idea what Pecorino cheese is:




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    Gent  9 days ago

    Mine said Yogi Bear was my ancestor.

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    LameHawk  9 days ago

    My son-in-law believes bacon is one of the basic elements – Ba in the periodic table.

    I’m not entirely convinced, but my gut feeling tells me he is right

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    dadoctah  8 days ago

    My stepfather took one of those tests. Among other things, he was 2% tar.

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    Greyhame  8 days ago

    Only the belly is made into bacon. That gooey stuff you buy in the grocery is just unprocessed pork belly with artificial smoke flavor injected. I get real bacon at the hillbilly butcher across town. Long drive and high price, but it’s worth it.

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    Gent  8 days ago

    And Goat’s says MUTTON.

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    Gent  8 days ago

    And Rat’s says EEEEEEEEK!

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    Gent  8 days ago

    And Zeeba’s says CROSS.

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    Gent  8 days ago

    And Pastis’s says PUNdit.

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    redback  8 days ago

    a Theory: Pastis did the same thing and his results came out as ‘soylent green’, and he is just trying to easy it with humor

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    YatInExile GC Insider 8 days ago

    I wonder what response I would get if I submitted DNA from my dog. I’m sure somebody out there has played that prank.

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    Cerabooge  8 days ago

    In an episode of the Electric Dreams series on Amazon Prime, there are human-hog hybrids. No doubt their DNA tests would identify them as medium pig.

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    mantydad  8 days ago

    That is more of a palm reading than a dna test. Pigs turn into bacon. Pigs don’t come from bacon.

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    zeexenon  8 days ago

    Probably Sir Francis Bacon.

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    peterhollywood  8 days ago

    Whenever anyone asks me what my ancestry is I tell them my ancestors walked out of Africa around 100,000 years ago — and SO DID YOURS!

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    blanche64  8 days ago

    am i the only vegetarian who would be sad to see pig turned into bacon?

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    CalLadyQED  8 days ago


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    CalLadyQED  8 days ago


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    Gretchen's Mom  8 days ago

    With my apologies to poor Pig: Mmmmmm ….. bacon! ;-)

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    thelost wizard  8 days ago

    It’s Shrove Tuesday. Pancakes and pork products. Mmmm.

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    thelost wizard  8 days ago

    It’s Shrove Tuesday. Pancakes and pork products. Mmmm.

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    TurbosDad  8 days ago

    I went on a date with a hardcore vegan who had the temerity to tell me that eating pork was like being a cannibal as it is “well known that humans taste similar”! I didn’t bother to ask her how she knew this “well known” fact as I quickly paid for my beer and GTFO…

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    jbruins84341  8 days ago

    Look at it this way, Pig. Everybody loves you!

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    phredturner  8 days ago

    Here ya go Stephen:annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.When chemists die, they barium.I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivoreI know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.A will is a dead giveaway.With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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    Sisyphos  8 days ago

    Pig! You have such a glorious ancestry! And such a future, once you are (ahem!) cured….

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    Airman  8 days ago

    Maybe it meant Kevin Bacon adopted pigs for pets when he was a kid because all the other “kids” were goats.

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    lindz.coop  8 days ago

    “Bacon, butt and picnic shoulder” and “Hocks and hams and tails and trotters.” from a song by Bok, Muir and Tricket…don’t know if they wrote it.

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    RonBerg13 GC Insider 7 days ago

    bacon, Bacon, BACON!!!

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