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Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 17, 2014

70 Comments

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  1. Right here
    Sherlock Watson  about 5 years ago

    I’m with Stephan — there are only 3 Star Wars films, which were followed by 3 terrible mistakes.:Can you say “Jar Jar”?

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    legaleagle48  about 5 years ago

    I guess Stephan hasn’t heard that the seventh Star Wars film is already in the planning stages — and that George Lucas eventually plans to make all nine.

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    Kali39  about 5 years ago

    There’s only one good Star Wars film: Empire. …Yes, you can’t deny that the original film started a revolution, but, as Harrison Ford said (censored), “You can type this stuff, George, but you can’t say it.”…(and I agree with Stephan – as long as we deny it, they don’t exist. I never saw the prequels, so obviously they can’t exist.)

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  4. Jack benny 02
    Kali39  about 5 years ago

    Oh, and nobody ever remade “Psycho” either.

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    RuinQueenofOblivion  about 5 years ago

    You guys are all in denial, they exist… admittedly they weren’t as good as the originals, but still.

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    artybee  about 5 years ago

    I was disappointed as soon I saw Princess Leia wasn’t as hot as the original movie poster made her out to be. Return of the Jedi did remedy that somewhat.

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    kamb8  about 5 years ago

    There was only ever one Jaws.

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  8. Tidal basin copy
    kamb8  about 5 years ago

    There was only ever one Jaws.

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  9. Tidal basin copy
    kamb8  about 5 years ago

    There was only ever one Jaws.

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    AGED_ENGINEER Premium Member about 5 years ago

    Meesa think Stephan a protest too much-a.

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    Varnes  about 5 years ago

    Star Wars?….Is that like Battle Bots?

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    oldschool434  about 5 years ago

    does this make Stephen a Film Denier?

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  13. Pretzel
    CountAnton  about 5 years ago

    Why does everyone always forget Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure? Okay, I mean episodes 1 -3 look good in comparison, but it exists and denying it won’t make it go away… ;)

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    Reppr  about 5 years ago

    Three Star Wars films and three wanna-be failures to date. The jury is still out for any not yet released .

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    tsandl  about 5 years ago

    What did everyone expect? George Lucas is the guy who took everything he learned about making movies from the original Star Wars trilogy and used it to create Willow. I went into Phantom Menace with very low expectations… and I was still disappointed.

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  16. Spideychuck
    sleeepy2  about 5 years ago

    Godfather movie is roughly 10,000 times better than the book.

    And there was only one Arthur movie, for the record.

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  17. Blackbeard avatar
    ShadowBeast  about 5 years ago

    There’s also no third Jurassic Park film.

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    doublepaw  about 5 years ago

    For me the first one was the best, and second and third the poorest. I liked the last three a lot.

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  19. Crossed rifles
    William Weedman  about 5 years ago

    My expectations of Episode VII are so low that I expect Mickey & Minnie to be the start of the new Jedi Knights and Kermit as the Jedi Trainer (Yes the mouse owns Henson properties now)

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    James Wolfenstein  about 5 years ago

    No, there aren’t.The original series is a light comedy peppered with some drama and action. The other films pretend to be very dark and realistic and the truth is they fell very short. And when you see them all together in the order that the creator intended, it’s like watching Dirty Harry as a prequel of Sledge Hammer… with the difference than Dirty Harry and Sledge Hammer are better and cheaper…

    Third Godfather movie!!! Hahahahah!Good one Pastis!I almost fell for that one…

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  21. Hillbilly1
    Hillbillyman  about 5 years ago

    They were only one that was worth anything. The first one. They should of never made any sequels at all.

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    mbzylnf2 Premium Member about 5 years ago

    That’s not unusual when for /novellisations/ – usually whatever was written first is better.

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  23. Missing large
    Gumbo_Limbo  about 5 years ago

    That’s because the writer has been percolating the story in the back of his/her mind for, probably, decades. It becomes a hit and then the creator’s supposed to knock out a sequel in less than a year. Of COURSE it’s not as good.

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  24. Thinker
    Sisyphos  about 5 years ago

    Stephan is a typical Denier. Rat is (unusually for him) a True Believer.I wonder what Dracula would think of all this?

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  25. Me 2015
    puddlesplatt  about 5 years ago

    thank goodness for CG’s they made the Movies.

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    Carl Rennhack Premium Member about 5 years ago

    1) I’m waiting for Steph to mention one of my favorite movies…Robert Blake, Robert DeNiro, Robert Duvall, Robert Redford and Robert Vaughn in “WHAT ABOUT BOB?”

    2) Fans of Zeeba Zeeba Eata should read today’s “Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” cartoon!

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    SpectreH  about 5 years ago

    There…are…4…lights!

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  28. 20071112 einstein
    hariseldon59  about 5 years ago

    Stephan was a child when the first Star Wars trilogy was made? Makes me feel old. Star Wars was released the year I graduated from high school.

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    vwdualnomand  about 5 years ago

    people really hate the episodes 123. they also hate the clone wars. wonder what they would say about episodes 789?

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  30. Devour
    ArcticRaccoon  about 5 years ago

    Stephan has become the internet.

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    tazz555  about 5 years ago

    For once I agree with Pastis, maybe if we all say the prequels never happened enough times, it will become true

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    Patricia Bocklage Premium Member about 5 years ago

    I’m definitely behind Pastis on this one. I pretend those other movies are a different trilogy inspired by the real Star Wars movies. ;)

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    Piksea Premium Member about 5 years ago

    I’m a big fan of denial. I’ve got your back, Mr. Pastis!

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    sarah413 Premium Member about 5 years ago

    Sadly, there was Caddyshack II and Major League 2.

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  35. The rings
    Liam Astle Premium Member about 5 years ago

    Would that also work for ‘Pearls Before Swine’?

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  36. Avatar92
    David Rickard Premium Member about 5 years ago

    Fanon discontinuity (http://preview.tinyurl.com/4vrzofl)*—the only way to stay sane in a world of schlock.

    *Warning: TV Tropes link; do not click if you need to do any work today

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    macsare1  about 5 years ago

    There are currently 7 Star Wars films. You forgot The Clone Wars, which led into the greatness of the TV series by the same name.

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    macsare1  about 5 years ago

    There was only one “Matrix” film.

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    Pheidias  about 5 years ago

    It was Lucas’ intention from the beginning that there would be nine Star Wars movies.

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  40. 3 year old me
    Number Three  about 5 years ago

    About half an hour of watching Star Wars was as much as I could take.

    Just not into Sci-Fi movies.

    xxx

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  41. Jack benny 02
    Kali39  about 5 years ago

    Take the special effects out of Star Wars (A New Hope, if you insist), you’ve got nothing. Empire Strikes Back had what none of the other movies ever had: a real writer and a good story.

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    MsMistoffeles14  about 5 years ago

    Jar Jar Binks… most annoying movie character EVER!!

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  43. Storm1
    ValancyCarmody Premium Member about 5 years ago

    Look this up:William Shakespeare’s Star Wars: Verily, A New HopeWilliam Shakespeare’s The Empire Striketh Back: Star Wars Part the Fifthby Ian Doescher

    Even better than Pride & Prejudice & Zombies!

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  44. Jack benny 02
    Kali39  about 5 years ago

    And while we are at it, no one did The Sound of Music on television back in December.…We are in denial (which is in Egypt, after all)…

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    Zebrails  about 5 years ago

    One “Jaws” yes, he was a nemesis and eventual ally with James Bond.

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  46. Nuke
    docnuke  about 5 years ago

    Why was it ruined? Were aliens and surviving a nuclear attack any less realistic than Ark Spirits that melt Nazis and mine cars that can jump tracks? The movie was a hit – the internet and most of its netizens just like to be snarky hateful types. It’s as if there is no other opinion than the one that slams everything.

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  47. Missing large
    legaleagle48  about 5 years ago

    And Disney never, ever did two sequels to and a remake of “The Parent Trap” (the latter of which did NOT inflict Lindsay Lohan on an innocent, unsuspecting world!).

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  48. Campina 2
    deadheadzan Premium Member about 5 years ago

    And George Lucas stole the Star Wars story from “The Hidden Fortress” from Akiro Kurwasaki.

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  49. Donbot
    del_grande Premium Member about 5 years ago

    I suppose there were only three Indiana Jones movies as well?

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  50. Sad
    claire de la lune.  about 5 years ago

    The original(s) is/are always the best.

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  51. Missing large
    AMPdup  about 5 years ago

    The Star Wars Trilogy is No. 1 with me too. But the prequels – 3 whole movies just to explain why Darth Vader became a bad guy??

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  52. Sammy on gocomics
    Say What Now‽ Premium Member about 5 years ago

    And there was only one Planet of the Apes.

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    GSFE Premium Member about 5 years ago

    And more importantly, the only STAR TREK that exists are the three years of the series!

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  54. Me01
    zmech13 Premium Member about 5 years ago

    Actually there was already a seventh Star Wars Movie. Star Wars: The Clone Wars started with a feature length movie that did play in theaters.

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  55. Puppies 005
    GrizzlyWife  about 5 years ago

    I agree with Stephan. Seriously, what fool thinks a perfectly healthy woman dies of a broken heart when she has children? Lucas really does NOT know anything about women.

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    highrollerhydra87  about 2 years ago

    And I’m pretty sure there are only two “Kid Icarus” games.

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    jackproarty  about 1 year ago

    Did you know Disney never made straight to disc sequels?

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  58. Photo
    Darth Vitate  about 1 year ago

    Disney never bought Star Wars, there were the original trilogy, the clone wars series and the del rey EU. Nothing else.

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